Ode to My Plumber
Bubble, bubble toilet trouble,
Fix this problem on the double.
Plugged up draining. Will not flush.
When it breaks loose, gonna gush.
Nowhere for the stuff to go
When there’s stoppage far below.
Situation most alarmin’.
Someone overused the Charmin,
Forming one big massive plug
Hardened in the plumbing snug.
Bubble, bubble toilet trouble,
Fix this problem on the double.
The mess inside the bowl awaits
A plumber’s steepest hourly rates.
No Escape
There are three things in life
That can’t be avoided, damn.
In addition to death and taxes,
They’ve recently added spam.
Fleadom
A flea almost tinier
Than I can see
Is jumping around
And biting me,
Yielding many
A reddish patch
That I just feel
I have to scratch.
Alas, these bites
Are such a curse
Since rubbing only
Makes them worse.
The more I scratch
The more I itch
Now I’m confused
Which one is which?
So here’s advice
To you from me
Anytime you see a flea,
Flee.
Kevin Ahern is a Professor Emeritus of biochemistry from Oregon State University who is enjoying the spare time he has gained in retirement to write verses, limericks, and other creative items.
Kevin, I was tickled by your humorous poems. I once was told by a plumber I needed to use the soft, not the strong, Charmin.
Thanks, Roy. I wasn’t aware there were different Charmins 🙂
Three delightful comic poems. I love the trochaic force of the “Plumber” piece, and how it suddenly switches to iambic in the last two lines, almost as a sudden release of the blockage.
“No Escape” is epigrammatic — short, sweet, and to the point. “Fleadom” is neat, and it is definitely difficult to compose good dimeter verse. The combination of itching and scratching generates an always humorous scenario. I recall this famous limerick:
There was a young slattern from Natchez
Whose garments were tatters and patches.
When questions arose
On the state of her clothes
She replied, “When Ah itches, Ah scratches.”
Thanks, Joseph. I’d never heard the limerick before. Clever.
Your plumbing poem is fantastic! Damn straight, plumbers are worth every penny they charge.
Thanks, Cheryl. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
As a Master Plumber Emeritus, I love your plumbing poem, and the others are funny, too. A plumber friend of mine once said, “When the brown slows down, the green flows in.”
Ha! Thanks, Mike. Glad you enjoyed it.
Aha! I knew that opening of your plumbing poem sounded familiar. From Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”, the witches’ refrain: “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and caldron bubble.” Your twist is very clever!
Indeed it was inspired by Shakespeare, but equally by a plumber who did some magic 🙂
The first poem made me laugh. My husband is a plumber (among other things) and I can’t wait to share it with him.
The second poem made me giggle.
The third poem made me smile and I am still smiling.
Thank you – these are so fun.
Gigi
Thanks, Gigi for your kind words. I’m very happy you enjoyed them.
What a tiny realistic and highly artistic fantasy of “Fleadom”! Wishing you freedom from the itchy scratches imagined to scrawl it out, Kevin–along with more fun in further fine work.
Thanks, Margaret. You are very kind.
I really enjoyed all three of these light verses. The first one made me chuckle out loud and great use of allusion. Damn if you’re not right about the spam; why I rarely give out my e-mail. The third had a good bounce to it and love the final line just having the word flee.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Paul. Yeah, I think that single syllable in that last very provides good emphasis.
‘A plumber’s steepest hourly rates.’ Alas, when even the most educated person can barely wield a plunger, we are indeed open to the machinations of experts in fields such as plumbing. Seems to mirror the wider world in some ways, does it not?
Unfortunately, all these burdens we wish to escape can be most time-consuming to put right.
Fleadom I found very Seussian. Loved it.
Thanks for the reads, Kevin. You truly have the gift of humour.
Thanks, Paul.