Ode to My Plumber
Bubble, bubble toilet trouble,
Fix this problem on the double.
Plugged up draining. Will not flush.
When it breaks loose, gonna gush.
Nowhere for the stuff to go
When there’s stoppage far below.
Situation most alarmin’.
Someone overused the Charmin,
Forming one big massive plug
Hardened in the plumbing snug.
Bubble, bubble toilet trouble,
Fix this problem on the double.
The mess inside the bowl awaits
A plumber’s steepest hourly rates.
No Escape
There are three things in life
That can’t be avoided, damn.
In addition to death and taxes,
They’ve recently added spam.
Fleadom
A flea almost tinier
Than I can see
Is jumping around
And biting me,
Yielding many
A reddish patch
That I just feel
I have to scratch.
Alas, these bites
Are such a curse
Since rubbing only
Makes them worse.
The more I scratch
The more I itch
Now I’m confused
Which one is which?
So here’s advice
To you from me
Anytime you see a flea,
Flee.
Kevin Ahern is a Professor Emeritus of biochemistry from Oregon State University who is enjoying the spare time he has gained in retirement to write verses, limericks, and other creative items.
Kevin, I was tickled by your humorous poems. I once was told by a plumber I needed to use the soft, not the strong, Charmin.
Three delightful comic poems. I love the trochaic force of the “Plumber” piece, and how it suddenly switches to iambic in the last two lines, almost as a sudden release of the blockage.
“No Escape” is epigrammatic — short, sweet, and to the point. “Fleadom” is neat, and it is definitely difficult to compose good dimeter verse. The combination of itching and scratching generates an always humorous scenario. I recall this famous limerick:
There was a young slattern from Natchez
Whose garments were tatters and patches.
When questions arose
On the state of her clothes
She replied, “When Ah itches, Ah scratches.”
Your plumbing poem is fantastic! Damn straight, plumbers are worth every penny they charge.
As a Master Plumber Emeritus, I love your plumbing poem, and the others are funny, too. A plumber friend of mine once said, “When the brown slows down, the green flows in.”