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Kitchen-Sink Musings
It’s International Women’s Day today
But as a flunkee in biology
I’m told I’m far from qualified to pay
Fair tribute to such morphing majesty.
As I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur
With brazen XX chromosomes to boot,
I’ve lost my precious Reddy right to roar—
My female fortitude is rendered moot.
A mother’s worth and voice is obsolete
Now bristly birthing persons are the norm.
The mustached matriarchs are out to meet
Their cocky kin and party up a storm.
It’s Women’s Day and wifely duty calls—
I’ll celebrate when I have grown some balls.
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Susan Jarvis Bryant is a poet originally from the U.K., now living on the Gulf Coast of Texas.
Take that, Virginia Woolf! Fun to read.
Thank you, Geoffrey. How strange that a room of one’s own would be the least of Woolf’s worries these days – a bathroom of her own would be good for starters!
She grew up with seven servants. We should all be so lucky.
Kitchen sink indeed, Susan! What a blast! You’ve really packed this poem with references from science to pop culture into a spicy stew of satire. I love it! Love the reference to Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman” and the ear-hurting mention of “birthing person” as a substitute for mother (now they’re pushing the phrase “impregnated person.”) Your male anatomy double entendres (I believe there are two dangling there) make the poem extra caliente and hilarious.
“Morphing majesty!” Do you realize that all that separates a man from a woman is five little words? The minute I announce “I identify as a woman” everyone has to recognize me as such. As I understand it, in England you’ll go to jail if you don’t.
As for “International Women’s Day” itself… what happened to the idea that there are 199 genders out there? Don’t they all deserve a holiday?
Thanks for the laugh, Susan. And yet another chance to get my blood pressure up.
Brian, I’m thrilled to hear this made you laugh, and (as ever) you have made me smile by homing in on the finer details – I must admit to your witty employment of the word “dangling” making me laugh out loud! And laugh we must – in the faces of those pushing their sick agenda 24/7. It is said “A lie told often enough becomes the truth” – not if it’s so darn ridiculous it’s laughable… which is where satire comes in. You also make a great point about all those genders not given their celebratory day of fame… I wonder why? Brian, thank you very much indeed!
I didn’t know it’s women’s day today, thank you for notifying me. Happy Women’s day to everyone. Is there also an International Men’s Day at some point on the calendar?
Thank you, Yael. Yes, there is an International Men’s Day in November. All is revealed on Wiki – it sounds about as much fun as “International Women’s Day” – I’ll mention it to Mike.
OMG! Superb, Especially loved ‘I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur’ and that kicker of a last line.
Rohini, I’m thrilled you enjoyed this – my muse wouldn’t stop bugging me. I simply had to write it! Thank you!
This is a true hoot, Susan! Great satire, and with an edge to it.
“Satire with an edge” was my aim. I’m over the moon I managed it. Joe, thank you!
Given that you flunked biology, it seems that you’re qualified to be on the Supreme Court along with KBJ. Although you lost the right, your roar was heard loud and clear. Great poem as always.
Warren, what a great comment. It has me grinning. Thank you!
Susan, with less than 1% of our country fighting to set the rules on pronouns and gender acknowledgment, etc. it’s high time we 99%ers made a far greater effort to put the clearly irrepairable specimens where they belong. Virtually unoccupied government buildings, like the many in D. C., would hold a ton of them! Of course, DJT would have to whip up another EO initiating the hiring of a few hundred right-minded wardens and several thousand Proud Boy guards. I’m betting some would work for free! BTW – Connie got the special ‘International Women’s Day’ treatment yesterday – I let her help me with one of my furniture restoration projects. She’s awesome! 🙂
Mark, thank you very much. You have a valid point. We live in a world where the majority are always made to suffer – the iron-fisted Covid chaos being a prime example. Poetic pushback is the way to go. My muse is exhausted! I hope your beloved has her feet up today.
I predict “impregnated person” will never be acceptable: 1.) That only can apply for a few months at a time and 2.) Only to a real biological woman. That leaves out a man living as a woman. There is a better pronoun that could be applied to morphing beings combining She+He+It abbreviated to S-H-IT. (Pardon me for using such a vulgar combination.) Your scathing satire on the subject certainly adds food for thought on Women’s Day.
Roy, utterly hilarious! I can’t stop laughing! The pronoun-combo for morphing beings has grabbed my attention. Thank you for tapping into the Women’s Day vibe.
Susan, I hope you were barefoot when you wrote this at the kitchen sink. April 1 is Tranny Day, in case you didn’t know. Are you aware of how much easier it is to turn an X chromosome into a Y chromosome than the other way around?
Thank you, C.B. Yes, I was barefoot and pregnant with a flourish of flamboyant, neon-pink ideas for April 1st – courtesy of my manic muse. I’ve heard that the Y chromosome has a lot of repetitive, non-coding DNA and has shrunk over the ages… which may explain a lot… or not. You have stoked my curiosity. I know from the likes of Mary Shelley it won’t end well.
You crack me up. You’re killing it, as usual.
Cheryl, thank you!
Great fun, Susan! I wouldn’t even have been aware of international women’s day if I hadn’t been listening, as always, to classical music radio, and even there (normally not a political forum at all) they were celebrating by playing only music composed by women. Nothing wrong with that, of course (as long as it’s good music); but you’re so right to point out the absurdity of having such a day in this present culture of confusion.
Cynthia, thank you! Beautiful music composed by women is a lovely way to celebrate. But… what is a woman? I hope my poem makes it crystal-ball clear for those having trouble with the definition.
Susan, thanks for another great poem, but I’m glum. Not that articulate, either, but here’s my reaction to your words:
You say “birthing person”? Why not a machine?
Ditch unburied humanity in the latrine.
The term “birthing person” denotes but a stage
we must pass on the way to that great Golden Age,
when minds are stripped clean of all nobility.
Conceive of conception? No! Sterility
is the ludicrous game we’ll be playing and talking—a
race worshiping a true deus ex machina!
I hope you make some sense of that, but in any case, we still have Birthing Persons’ Day to look forward to, and eventually Inseminators’ Day (or better: Semen Suppliers’ Day).
Julian, thank you very much for your delightfully creative comment. I love the poem with its wonderfully rhymed couplets and that smattering of humor that serves to highlight the dangerous and dire times we live in. Perhaps when the human race becomes as deified as the ebbing Delta smelt, we will have reached the point of sanity needed to turn this insidious idiocy around. What a terrifying thought!
Very clever and funny, Susan. A perfect poem for the day celebrated.