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Be Careful What Ya’ Wish For
Well, all o’ ya’ knows when ol’ Paddy McFarland’s
_been drinkin’ ‘e’ll spin up a tale
Oooozin’ with bits what is ‘ard to believe—
_fer dem who ain’t pickled with ale.
But last Friday evenin’ ‘e threw out a whopper
_dat brung ‘im up close to a liar
By claimin’ da beer-after-beer ‘e were downin’
_were needed fer dousin’ da fire
Burnin’ away in ‘is ‘eart fer da filly
_‘e’d wanted fer all of ‘is life,
But—when ‘e weren’t lookin’—some feller from Dublin
_‘ad taken da lass fer ‘is wife!
Well, all of us knowed dat da gal ‘e were meanin’
_would never ‘ve taken ‘is ‘and!
Nay, she woulda married dat feller from Dublin
_regardless what Paddy‘d planned!
Well, Kelly’s were packed to da gills when dat very
_same feller come stumblin’ in!
‘E claimed ‘e’d been over at Murphy’s a-drinkin’
_since seven—and now it were ten!
When somebody quizzed ‘im ‘bout why ‘e’d come over
_to Kelly’s an’ started again—
‘e claimed ‘e were meanin’ to pickle ‘is mind
_an’ dat Murphy‘d run outta gin!
“Anythin’ special dat’s makin’ ya’ try?”
_da bartender cordially pried.
“Me life,” ‘e replied, “‘as been goin’ ta shite
_since da day I done took me a bride!”
Well… it might be a little bit ‘ard to believe…
_but da truth o’ da matter is dis—
dare’s times when yer aimin’ ta win a girl’s ‘eart
_dat yer far better off if ya’ miss!
Ya’ see…
Paddy were drinkin’ fer missin’ ‘is chance
_to ‘ve married da wife o’ dis lad,
An’ da lad were a-doin’ da very same t’ing
_regrettin’ da fact dat ‘e ‘ad!
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Mark Stellinga is a poet and antiques dealer residing in Iowa. He has often won the annual adult-division poetry contests sponsored by the University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop, has had many pieces posted in several magazines and sites over the past 60 years, including Poem-Hunter.com, PoetrySoup.com, and Able Muse.com—where he won the 1st place prize for both ‘best poem’ of the year and ‘best book of verse.’
Raucous and hilarious like a true pub tale. Oh, how the twists of fate play tricks. Cleverly written.
Thank you, Roy, it was a really fun one to pen –
I agree with Roy, Mark. This is very cleverly written. I recited it because that made it much easier to enjoy the dialect and doing so turned out to be great fun! Witty with some tried and true wisdom in the mix. The grass truly is always greener.
Glad you enjoyed it, Brian. The lovely Irish dialect is my all time favorite, with Scottish and Australian close behind. It can be a bit tricky to read, particularly for those unfamiliar with Ireland’s colloquial verbiage, and I do have one in which I exploit the really nifty jargon of the Aussies.
Great stuff, Mark – entertaining, unique, funny, and wise. A home run of a poem!
Thanks, Russel, this one, being done in my all time favorite colloquial dialect, was pretty tricky to put together.
You almost knew from the beginning where this was headed, so typically and beautifully Irish. The pace and language of this tale are magnificent. The rhymes exquisite. Just the right length for a tale.
Thanks, T. M. – I’m a ‘story-poemer’ from wayyyyy back. It took as much editing as I’ve ever had to cope with, being I’m as far from being Irish as it gets, but it was a lot of fun to whip up. Glad you liked it – 🙂
Mark, I just love the colloquial linguistic gymnastics (not easy to pull off) and the wry humor of the piece. This is brimming with skill and huge fun, and it’s put a big grin on my face – tough to do in these dire times, and I thank you for it!
Knowing I’ve managed to put a big grin on your face literally makes my day, young lady, and you’re right, it was a bit of a challenge to keep the piece colloquially authentic. As you skim through my new ‘digital book’ I’m betting you’ll both find yourselves lol from time to time, the goal of much of what I written. Even the ‘old folks’ I read to at care centers erupt with laughter when I do a good job of reciting my funniest ones. Take care –
A good story, Mark, much heightened in effect by your stellar telling of the tale. I’m not surprised it took more editing than any other to get the dialect and the drama right. And I can imagine you add plenty of acting skill at the care center, cracking up the old folk with all ’round entertainment.
Thank you, Margaret, and I enjoy rousing their laughter every bit as much as they appreciate opportunities to laugh. I’m a bit of a ‘ham’ so it comes naturally. I practice on my family & fellow car-club buddies. My wife and I also donated more than 1,200 copies of my ($45/retail) hardcover book of verse – ‘A Treasure Trove of Rhyme’, to 57 assisted and independent living facilities last fall & summer. A lot of driving but so worth it. Enjoy your week –
Mark, this poem is hysterical! I’m especially impressed with how smoothly the story flows with the Irish pub idiom. I can hear it clearly with an Irish accent,