.
A Faithful Friend’s Advice
The girl you have is just the one for you—
my head could not conceive a better match.
She is your sun, your earth, the very glue
that rightly holds your tattered life attached.
The stars aligned to seal your fate with her
There is no brighter gem beyond your shores.
When in your arms, the moon and sea concur
that you are hers and she is ever yours.
But when she leaves and breaks your heart I’ll say:
“I never liked her from the very start
I knew she’d lead my faultless friend astray,
so she could feast upon his helpless heart.
I told you this affair would never last.
When was I wrong about this in the past?”
.
.
My Stella
She speaks with softness, like a breeze
before the rising buds of May.
That gently shakes the waking trees
and welcomes forth the endless day.
A breeze that plays among the bees
as grasslands sing and petals sway.
She loves with patience, like a hill
that views the countless fields below.
That casts away the morning chill
and warms the grove where saplings grow.
Where the winding river spills
and flowers flutter, row by row.
.
.
Christian Muller is a 23-year-old high school history teacher living in East London, South Africa.
These are two gems with the first one having “I told you so,” and the second one reflective of a faithful heart with patience and warmth.
Dear Christian,
The first poem had me in great hopes of a perfect match. Instead, I find a fickle friend is at the root of it.
Both poems had lovely flow. I have never thought of a hill having patience, yet this personification was perfect. I look forward to reading more of your poems in the future!
Gigi
“A Faithful Friend’s Advice” is very clever, with a very nice turn after line 8, and nice visual connection of sun, earth, stars, moon, sea. I think there is a grammatical issue in line 7, though: “When in your arms, the moon and sea. . . ” (the moon and the sea aren’t what’s “in your arms”.) I think that’s called a dangling modifier.
“My Stella” starts with a good extended “breeze” metaphor. The poem could be improved by eliminating the sentence fragments. (I counted four, starting with lines 3 and 4, which are a subordinate clause; they could have gone with 1 and 2 to make a complete sentence by using a comma instead of a period after “buds of May”. (Periods could also be changed to commas after “below” and “grow”, for the same reason.)
Thank you so much for such a detailed response! I never even considered that
A “faithful” changeable friend adjusts his views to a fellow who may not be quite as “faultless” or “helpless” as he seems! The final question, made so as to expect a “never” answer, gives reason to believe the reply ought to be “sometimes” or “often,” or better yet, “It depends.” Simple logic well-crafted. “My Stella” serves here as an authentically stellar contrast to the girl in the first poem, with echoes of Sidney and Shakespeare. Nicely done, Christian.
“A Faithful Friend’s Advice” says a lot about human nature. It’s so hard to admit we are wrong. Good work.