Rhyme Crimes
How strange that rhymes for “wife” abound
While rhymes for “husband” don’t exist.
An “errant” “parent” might be found,
But “children?” Rhymes aren’t on the list!
And even worse, when poets seek
A rhyme for the word “family”
There’s only two, they’re up a creek
With “hammily” and “clammily.”
And sadly, nothing rhymes with “love”
But “of,” “above,” “dove,” “glove,” and “shove.”
Where It’s @
I love the little “&;”
That saves me space for the word “and.”
An “*” is much desired
When just one footnote is required.
The “#” is quite complex.
It’s “hash tag” when on Twitter/X,
Or “number,” “lb.” it’s often claimed.
But “octothorpe” is what it’s named.
The “/“ in “URLs”
Is doubled up as parallels,
When used with “https,”
But single in a sub-address.
In poetry it’s used to show
The place where line divisions go.
It also serves in other ways:
To separate years, months, and days,
And as abbreviations for
“W/o,” a fraction, “per” and “or,”
A grammar rule, like “neither/nor,”
Division signs, and many more.
But on the other hand, it seems
Chicago Style Manual deems
The “\” is not, though small,
A punctuation mark at all.
To B or Not to B
Why can’t we use the letter “b”
When writing either “be” or “bee?”
It would, at least it seems to me,
Save space and add simplicity
Where single-letter homophones
Could serve as substituted clones,
For “c” in place of “see” or “sea,”
Or “t” instead of “tee” and “tea.”
Or “j” for “jay” and “q” for “queue,”
And “u” replacing “ewe” and “you.”
Then “i” could serve as well as “eye,”
And “y” as substitute for “why.”
And as for “pea,”—the dreaded “pea”—
We could, instead, just take a “p.”
James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and four collections of poetry including Sidekicks, Mostly Sonnets, and Laughing Matters, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in both print and online media. He was honored with being chosen as the winner of the 2021 SCP International Poetry Competition.
These are all not only delightfully funny, but also ingenious, both in the ideas and in the way you’ve put them together. It’s surprising that all of us writers haven’t thought of things like this. As a child I used to think that the “hash tag” mark meant tic-tac-toe.
These little works take “tour de force” magnificently to its slightest level. That’s meant as highest praise, James, for thorough thought and ingenious creativity. Nearly every verse writer in English must have suffered with the apparent need to commit “rhyme crimes” concerning words you mention. That’s only one reason why imperfect rhymes get overwhelming use. Love course, we can always sweep these problems into the middle of a line, or move toward useful compounds such as “thereof” and “whereof.”