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The Ballad of Shamus
Well, Shamus were a likely lad wid a good well-meanin’ ‘eart
As strong as O’Malley’s ox, ‘dey say—but only ‘alf as smart.
‘Is ‘eart belonged to Nellie, aye ‘e wished her for ‘is wife.
An’ ‘e made up ‘is mind to win ‘er if it took ‘im all ‘is life.
Now Shamus were no thinker, but ‘e t’ought and t’ought again.
‘E t’ought until ‘is eardrums ‘urt, and ‘e trembled from da strain.
Den paused fer a pint o’ courage an’ a dram o’ fortitude.
An’ rose to woo sweet Nellie like no girl was ever wooed.
Well, ‘e picked ‘is girl some flowers an’ ‘e laid ‘em on da ground.
But when ‘is back is turned, ‘is cow comes up and swallers ’em down.
When Shamus saw her chewin’, ‘e would neither cry nor squall.
Wi’ a wee bit o’ rope, Nell got her flowers—cow and all.
A year went by, and Shamus went to see ‘is girl again.
Alas, da lass had left ‘is cow out grazin’ in da rain.
Up to da house ‘e ran—for he’d be havin’ none o’ dat.
When Nellie got home, she found da cow d’ere—in her boots an’ hat.
Next spring, da boy heard Nellie sigh: “A picnic sounds so fine.”
But Shamus t’ought she only wanted lunch for her bovine.
He wrapped some hay an’ turnips in a cloth all checkered red.
An’ wondered if Nellie noticed dat ‘e done just what she said.
So year by year, our hero tried to win da girl somehow.
But it seemed no matter what ‘e did—he did it for da cow.
He tried to boost da chances for a weddin’ when ‘e could.
But every year, ‘is clev’rest plans reduced da likelihood.
When Shamus reached age ninety-five, ‘e knew dat he’d been beat.
He couldn’t find da knack of how ta dance wid two left feet.
He told her: “Nell, I’ll court no more. ‘Tis much too great a task.”
She said: “Oh, were you courtin’? … Well, you only had to ask!”
Aye, Shamus were forgetful, an’ ‘e had an awkward touch.
Yet, clear ‘e were of what ‘e knew (which wasn’t very much).
Poor Nellie had to wait while Shamus strove as ‘e could strive
But finally ‘e did win her—though it took him all ‘is life.
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Steve Cooper is a retired professional career counselor. He lives near Salem, Oregon. He has one traditionally published picture book on Amazon, Don’t Eat Your Seed Corn, and several of his pieces have been published in the annual literary print anthology from Portland Writer’s Mill.
Poor old Shamus. At least he got there in the end. Behind the humour, a story with several morals.
Thanks for the read, Steve.
What a fantastic ballad, Steve. The humor came in droves.
Poor Seamus had no children then as everybody knows.
The moral of the story is to not get tied up with cows,
But turn them into steaks and cook as much as she allows.
An endearing tale full of wit, humor, poor lost Shamus, and a misunderstood cow. The charming twist of language makes this wonderful ballad heartwarming and unique.
Poor Shamus. Had his Ma never told him how to court a girl in Ireland?
This is what you do: When you are good and ready, and bachelorhood seems confirmed, only then do you invite a girl you fancy to walk with you through the graveyard. And when you come upon your family’s stone, surrounded by ancestors, you turn to your girl and you say, “Darlin’ would you care to buried with my people? ” This is understood to be not right away, but eventually after years of marriage. This is a well thought out and serious commitment which surpasses “til death do us part.”