.
The Ugly Child
Some poems “hit the spot” and please the crowd—
Relatable, well-crafted, poignant, funny—
They beg to be perused, reread aloud;
They squeeze tears from the low, perk up the sunny.
Some dazzle with heroic, epic tales
Of battles far away and long ago;
Some—deep, concise, and pithy—tip the scales
By crystallizing thoughts of joy or woe.
__But some so awkward late have left my pen—
___Irregular, insipid, pointless, mild—
____Beloved to me, regarded by no other.
__Yet I would shelter them although they’ve been
___Rejected by the world—each ugly child—
____Despised by all, still cherished by their mother.
.
.
A Pennsylvania native now residing in Colorado, Anna J. Arredondo is an engineer by education, a home educator by choice, and by preference, a poet. She also has poems published in Light, The Lyric, and Time of Singing.
A nicely constructed Petrarchan-style sonnet, with a perfectly placed volta in line 9. Diction choice and syntax are sophisticated and carefully constructed. My one criticism would be directed at line 12, where it would be more natural to start “Yet I would shelter…” This would give the line a trochaic start, which often works well if the previous line has ended feminine.
I also like that the dominant metaphor (weak poem as ugly child) is carried only by the title and the last two lines. The metaphor would be too sentimental if handled any other way.
Thank you, Mr. Salemi, for your detailed feedback. I agree with the rephrasing from “I yet” to “Yet I” on line 12 (though I’m not sure who or how to ask for the revision to be made). Also I appreciate the tip about a trochaic start following a feminine-ending line; I’ll file that away in my brain somewhere.
Incidentally, I had sent an email, too late apparently, with a slight change to the punctuation in lines 12 and 13. I wonder if that could be updated as well..?
Love the read, Anna. Hits home, too!
Thank you, Tonia!
A graceful and twining poem. We all run into those, and you have turned it into art. I agree with Joe on line 12..Love the Ducks !
.
Thank you, Sally. For you to consider it art is significant!
Some of the favorite poems I have written may, for others, quack like ducks and look like ducks, but are–as you have said of your own poetry with such marvelous skill and wit–my precious children, too.
As far as I can tell, this makes us both ducks.
Quack.
Thank you, James, for your feedback and anatine (I just looked up that word out of curiosity, lest I misrepresent the breadth of my vocabulary) observations. It is comforting to know I am not alone in having a collection of homely, yet well-loved, intellectual offspring lurking in my notebooks…
I hear you, Ms Arredondo, and well, put–attractively put, I’d say. As for me, I guess it’s the same–sometimes I know they’re not so great, other times people tell me that. At that, I sometimes wonder what they’re missing.
Thank you, Mr. Woodruff. I also sometimes wonder what people are missing. I guess it’s the blind love of the parent/creator, and it’s nice to know that others can relate.
Sophisticated and eloquent imagery of those “crowd pleasers”, in every line, done with pizazz and skill. The idea of poems being “crowd pleasers” was interesting in that it relates so well to “ugly children” (and many others) not being accepted; which added the human element to me. The volta excellently reveals the “ugly child”. Relatable to me as a human characteristic, “crowd” rejections of that lacking conforming characteristics, or appearances. A poem is like a child, always loved by the author, or mother. A wonderful Italian, skilled, with pizazz, and absolutely thought provoking.
Thank you, Gail, for your kind feedback and observations. I am tickled to hear it described as done with “pizzazz.” Thank you!
Anna, I love this poem. It speaks so honestly and gently about the process of writing and the emotions we invest in it. “I yet would shelter them although they’ve been rejected by the world…” This is a line to cherish along with many others in this lovely poem. Well done.
We all have those ‘ugly child’ poems.
Thanks for the read, Anna.
I love this poem Anna, the idea especially, and the rhymes and rhythm are so creative and meaningful. Thank you.
On the anatine front, should we not remind ourselves that an ugly duckling might just turn out to be a swan?
Anna, you have expressed exquisitely and beautifully the dilemma of the parent of poems that aren’t quite as appealing as the rest of the alluring family. I have a folder of them I flick through every now and then. I add a few frills to some, remove a glower from others… and then tuck them away with love and care, not wanting them to face those who will point out their obvious flaws… I think a few may have escaped when my back was turned. “The Ugly Child” is not one of those. She exudes charm, warmth, wit and wonder… what more could a mother ask?
“But some so awkward late have left my pen” is a line that seems it could have been written in the seventeenth century, an era of many wistful elegies on children deceased early. That slight archaic touch, right where the sonnet turns, augments the serious quality of the poem and makes it “more classic.”