Poet Susan Jarvis Bryant challenges her fellow poets to adapt a favorite joke into a poem with meter and rhyme. Enjoy her examples and then post your own joke-turned-poem into the comments section below.
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Pony Tale
My heart used to hanker for horses
(that bright equine blaze of delight)
till that dastardly day when dark forces
turned my thrill to a bone-chilling fright.
Oh, the trauma that followed the error
of mounting a proud chestnut colt,
who became a wild-eyed, bucking terror
determined to throw me and bolt.
He whirled and he tossed and grew sour.
My fingers, they slipped from his reins.
I was dragged till Walmart switched the power
straight off at the parking lot mains.
Now I’m banned from that store ride forever.
To be honest, I don’t really care.
I won’t straddle a pony—not ever!
I would much rather wrestle a bear.
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Laid Bare
Today I paid a pretty fee to see
My future swirl within a crystal sphere.
A symphony of summoned wizardry
Took twenty pricey minutes to appear.
It sang in tones that only pros would know
And glowed in luminescent chartreuse light.
It scattered mystic seeds for seers to sow
In words that whispered of tomorrow’s plight.
My fortune-teller peered beyond her veil;
With eyes that rolled she told me I would choke
On gummy bears. My clammy skin grew pale.
My death was but a punchline to a joke.
With foresight, my headstone will simply say:
“Killed by Bears”—no more, no less—no way!
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Elevated Memory
Once I made love in a lift with my cousin
Not just once but more like a dozen
We were both young and silly
We’re not really ‘hillbilly’
From floor one to floor forty
We knew it was naughty
But today this memory bedevils
We were wrong on so many levels.
Jan Darling
Jan, you have elevated this challenge to delightful new heights that have me giggling like a naughty schoolgirl. Great stuff!
Donald J Trump’s Visit to the Sistine Chapel
The Pope said, “Michelangelo
painted the walls and the ceiling.”
But Donald knew this was fake news,
Or so said his famed sixth sense feeling.
The Pope was having fun with him,
So he said in a moment of hush,
“A Teenage Ninja Turtles’ flippers
Cannot possibly wield a paint brush.”
Ten blind men getting together
seems a little bit mammoth, a tall tale
Feeling up a pachyderm, didn’t these
Body fetishists know to kiss, not tell?
I suspect these men had a leader
A one eyed interceder
brokering a deal, a go between,
Maybe the elephant was white,
costly tusker, a mastodon
neither keen nor fit to be seen.
Yeast
I baked some cookies for the feast.
Baking them was a cinch for me.
Thank goodness they do not have yeast.
If you ask me why I hate yeast,
I’ll answer you quite honestly
“I tried baking bread for a feast.”
“Twas the error that I released
That turned the bread coarse and ugly
All because the bread had yeast.”
Whoever thought to use that beast
To add in many a pastry?
I’ll never use it for the feast!
My baking career has decreased
Caused by my dreadful enemy
That hauntingly frightful piece of yeast.
My yeast baking days have long ceased
And yet my treats are still tasty.
I baked some cookies for the feast.
Thank goodness they do not have yeast!
That’s what
She said.
What did she say?
There once was a bear named Harry
He was always on the hunt for a berry
He was the one with the hat
And we could see by his scat
That he settled at times for a cherry
Rhonda, your bear with the digestive problem is probably related to my bear who was the hero of what I remember as the first joke I heard and loved when I was about 3. Algy met a bear
The bear was bulgy
The bulge was Algy.
Bumps and Thumps
1.
Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump.
I heed the rhythmic thump
Of the iamb
Upon my dainty hand;
Tapping to the meter
2.
Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump
I hear the beating thump
Of my slipper
Trying its best to stomp
The scampering cockroach.
3.
Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump
Yet here’s another thump;
Above my room
The neighbors loudly romp
And never seem to stop.
There was hardly anyone there
Today a president became inaugurated.
He was sworn with a raise of his hand and held a bible.
He did not look happy at all he looked as if he was stunned.
His white hair was standing on ends.
As the wind was strong on capitol hill.
He held on to his wife as he walked.
With his children and grandchildren
He smiled at some and even greeted some.
He is now in the oval office.
And what it took to get this inauguration kept from arms and angry people
All was filled with police and blacks because they are the ones that matter.
The construction of the wall has been stopped.
Without them no grapes are picked in California
For almost free and there are not enough hands to pick the fruit under the hot sun
And the grapes are happy and full of wine.
Enjoy the next years because for as long as in California there is almost free labor.
The United States can keep all the riches and the bitches laughing away at the people who elected them even if they had to
Use all of the military to make it happen.
©2021 by Norma Okun
If you ever see a bunny
with a nose that’s green and runny,
don’t laugh and say it’s funny,
‘cos it’s snot.
Oops, I meant to say “It’s not”, but an extra S slipped in.
That’s cute and funny!
Thanks, Yael.
Knock Knock Banana
I said, “Knock knock” and you replied
By asking who was there.
And when I said, “’Twas just Banan”
You said “But Banan where?”
Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
Were trapped in paradox
Banan goes round and round and round
From hat down to the socks.
At last “Knock knock” and you replied
Frustrated with the joke,
But orange you glad that I said “Orange?”
And the paradox was broke.
I added an extra stanza before the end to push the paradox further:
Knock Knock Banana
I said, “Knock knock” and you replied
By asking who was there.
And when I said, “’Twas just Banan”
You said “But Banan where?”
Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
Were trapped in paradox
Banan goes round and round and round
From hat down to the socks.
Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
In paradox were trapped
For Banan was what I always sang
Every time I rapped.
At last “Knock knock” and you replied
Frustrated with the joke,
But orange you glad that I said “Orange?”
The paradox was broke.
What’s the Deal with Airplane Peanuts?
We’re known to travel north, south, west, and east,
When in a rush to get to places far.
We board and sit in belly of the beast.
Too slow is traveling in a train or car.
We used to amble cross the naked land
By horse and buggy or the wild coach.
By boat we sailed ‘cross oceans: sand to sand;
Yet all of these would slow our still approach.
So now we fly in hours ‘round the Earth
And reach our destinations with the pang
Of empty stomachs, and for what it’s worth,
We silent starve but for the songs we sang.
When sitting there, our hunger drives insane,
Oh, what’s the deal with peanuts on a plane?
THE SAME OLD CROWD
By Roy E. Peterson
Polly was a parrot,
But she was not very discreet.
She was the bar parrot
That all the patrons loved to greet.
Polly liked to insult each
And everyone she could meet.
Across the road from the bar
Was a church on the same street.
Saturday night after closing
Was when the bar caught fire.
Polly realized her situation
Was becoming dire.
She managed to escape,
And in the air she rose higher
The open church window gave her
A place she could retire.
Sunday came and while Polly sat
Upon the lectern stand
The choir came in; Polly said,
“Give new chorus girls a hand.”
The minister came next, she said,
“The new bartender’s grand.
Then saw the congregation,
“But the same old crowd as planned.”
Doctor Lock knew a barman called Dick.
Dickey hit drinks with almond, a flick.
The Doc liked the slick, tasty trick,
So he ordered Dick’s almond-flick kick.
Now the Doctor showed up every night
Because Dick made his favorite just right.
But one evening Dick changed up Doc’s pick.
He had run out of Doc’s almond stock.
Doc sniffed, “Almond Daiquiri, Dick?”
Dick quipped, “Hickory Daiquiri, Doc.”
THE GIFTED CHECKEN
Lee Goldberg
Driving along I was quite shocked to see
a three-legged chicken a-lope next to me.
I stepped on the gas to just leave him behind
he quickened his pace and caught up, blew my mind.
I pushed the accelerator down to the floor
he lengthened his stride and ran next to my door.
And then with a burst he went into high gear
leaving ME far behind, him no where near!
I had hit eighty, he much much faster.
I was just happy there was no disaster!
I short while later I saw on my right
a not so surprising but intriguing sight.
There was a chicken farm so I pulled in
and parked by a farmer near a storage bin.
“Good day, Sir,” I said. “May we have a brief chat?”
He smiled and said, “Sure.” And removed his straw hat.
I walked up and asked, “Are there tri-leg birds here?”
He said, “Sure, we raise them. You might think it queer.”
“But,” he went on, “the idea is neat!
For many want drumsticks when chicken they eat.”
“I get it!” I said. “You have three per each chicken!
For those folks that would provide more finger lickin’!”
I smiled and said, “Well, did the idea work?
Did profits go up?” He just gave me smirk.
“I really can’t answer,” he said with a frown.
“We’ve never been able to chase a bird down.”
Beneath moon shadows.
Elwood’s room looks like an owl’s moon.
Owl’s nest has curled around the clock, knotted lost tick tock.
Trick or treat is catching up with the clock.
It’s quite clear now strawberry snail is on paper with it’s appetite,
to eat of this tale.
Flirty Birds
A blushing duchess bought a pair of parrots.
She found these rainbow fowls were lewd of beak –
Proud femme fatales who cackled they were harlots;
Loud strutting sluts of plumes and cheep mystique.
The upright, uptight duchess told her pastor
Who asked her and her smutty pets for tea.
He owned two pious parrots (Vince and Victor) –
Two prayerful cocks who clutched a rosary.
He thought a formal teatime introduction
Would show her hussy hens the humble path
And bring about a swift and sure rejection
Of tacky talk that stoked their owners wrath.
These sassy parrots (Nicolette and Nancy)
Were ushered in with Victor and young Vince,
Who puffed their plumage up all fine and fancy
On hearing words that made the vicar wince…
Vince tossed his seeds and beads up in the air
As Victor squawked, “The Lord has heard our prayer!”
Omg, “cheep mystique”, funniest joke poem yet, I love it. Thanks for the laughs to brighten a very rainy day Susan, much appreciated.
Yael, I am thrilled this poem made you laugh! Mike told me this joke yesterday, and I simply had to turn it into a poem… I was giggling as I was writing! Thank you for your inspiration and your appreciation!
The Runway
The pilot landed at the ’port.
He glanced from side to side
And said, “The runways here are short,
But boy, they sure are wide!”
Hilarious, Josh! I haven’t heard this joke – the poetic form is my first encounter… wonderful!!
The Gamble
Two men together in a bar
Both see the TV show:
A woman on a building, far
From solid ground below.
She sings about her misery
And how her life is shot,
Yet with herself she can’t agree:
Should she jump off or not?
One man turns, saying to his friend,
“I’ll bet a hundred dollars
That she will jump down to her end.”
“You’re on!” The other hollers.
She jumps, the first admits, “Don’t pay;
I saw this show at ten.”
“Me too, but then I thought, ‘No way
She’ll go and jump again!”
Hey Susan, your ‘Pony Tale’ is on YouTube!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts5X4Q7kZsc