Breath of Night
A sullen breath pervades the night
the rhythmic stillness I can hear
where peaceful dreams grow wings in flight;
the thrum of drumming in my ear
the rhythmic stillness I can hear,
it thumps within my hollow chest;
the thrum of drumming in my ear
the pump against my burdened breast,
it thumps within my hollow chest.
The ticking clock upon the wall,
the pump against my burdened breast.
Darkness looms in the owl’s call.
The ticking clock upon the wall,
it thumps within my hollow chest.
Darkness looms in the owl’s call;
the pump against my burdened breast.
It thumps within my hollow chest,
where peaceful dreams grow wings in flight;
the pump against my burdened breast,
a sullen breath pervades the night.
Paulette Calasibetta is a retired interior designer. Her poetry has appeared on line and in print in numerous journals and anthologies.
This is a beautiful pantoum. The interweaving of the wind’s breath and the speaker’s heartbeat is rhythmically comforting, but also disturbing in some way, as if there were a threat of death behind it all. This poem is a good example of how the pantoum has a different effect than the traditional sonnet. The sonnet’s structure tends to be argumentative, logical, and expository. The pantoum’s structure is meditative, repetitive, and suggestive.
Starting with the mood-setting “sullen breath,” you use repetitions well, Paulette, to create a sense of foreboding that remains mysterious after the pantoum circles back to its beginning. The symbolic owl and the clock ticking away time are the only visual images; with the indicated sounds, they suggest a wasting illness, either physical or emotional or both, involving “breath” and “breast.” Eerie effect.
Joseph, thank you for commenting. I am pleased I was able to convey my thoughts into a “meditative”
pantoum. Classical poetry is a new genre for me, and your positive comments are inspiring.
Paulette
The pantoum is the perfect form for this piece: the repetition drives home the unease of a sleepless night. You present us with a series of haunting images that set the scene. This is a difficult form to pull off well, and you have succeeded.