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Haiku
A grounded sparrow
Wings hurt, head raised to the sky
“Is this how I die?”
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A Snowflake
From sky’s descent and earthward bound,
__A snowflake, small and bright;
It’s slow and steady, floating down,
Until he lands without a sound,
__And shrouds the dirt with white.
And there he lies in nightly gloom,
__Among such flakes alike;
Above, he sees bright specks that loom,
The shining stars, beyond the moon,
__Like lucent snow in flight.
With solemn gaze, in deepest thought,
__He questions winter’s call;
But in his mind, the answer sought,
Demure and grieved, he finds it naught,
__“To earth, why did I fall?”
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Jacky Pun is a classical dancer living in New York.
‘I could have been a contender’, from the point of view of a snowflake. This poem is crazily brilliant and somewhat melancholy.
As for the sparrow; again, a poignant read, melancholic read.
Thanks for chance to see your work, Jacky.
Your poems touch the heart…thank you…
Allegra
What a delightful pair of snappy poems! The second poem in particular had my fingers tapping to the rhythmic (and almost danceable) meter.
Again, in regards to your second poem, I also admire the way you juxtaposed the concepts of a falling snowflake with hints of existential thought which can be implied by the last five lines of the poem:
With solemn gaze, in deepest thought,
__He questions winter’s call;
But in his mind, the answer sought,
Demure and grieved, he finds it naught,
__“To earth, why did I fall?”
I like the subtle symbolism that you have added in your poems. It makes them all the more profound and poignant than simply pleasurable.
To answer the question of the eponymous snowflake of your poem, I composed a few verses of my own in response.
Among the freshly fallen snow,
Winter puts all to right
The snowflake laments soft and low,
“Why did I fall to earth below?”
“You’re meant to disappear in snow,
To blanket earth in white.”
Beautiful work–too sad to consume in large doses. I particularly enjoyed the likening of stars to lucent snow in flight. I’ll remember that from now on.
Jacky, ‘Snowflake’ conjures up some great imagery — and philosophy! Nicely done.
This is wonderful, wonderful poetry!
Well done
Jacky Pun!
Origin-dysphoria! Poor old snowflake…
I love your imagery that shows the reflection of the snowflakes on the ground, in the sky filled with stars!
Flair, without substance, is how I would describe these.
Please elaborate. I know this comment to be true. Pray, be frank.
What an interesting concept – to write from the perspective of the snowflake.
Thank you all for reading. Thank you all for commenting. But I cannot receive these comments without first thanking my mentor Mr. Mantyk.