Humor

.. Whoever said that change is good Is living in a purple wood Behind a tree behind a bough; A purple horse and purple cow, For progress is a purple haze Confusing nights; confounding days. Our education system’s shot. No morals teach for we forgot To Pledge Allegiance, say a...

. Set your priorities—don't be uncouth—know the Secret to happiness lies in this truth: “Though the Sum of all things is a secret worth looking for, Perfect lasagna is something worth cooking for.” Take what you know, do a Ted Talk and teach on it. Don’t overdo it, present it,...

.   "To indulge in hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian tergiversation is not to show your erudition: rather, it is to be superficial.” ---Steven George Krantz Thalamic tarantismLed to tachyphagia...Ventripotential schism,Perhaps a slight dysphasia? My nudiustertian hike Featured pogonotomy.This mumpsimus is likeA walking botched lobotomy. Hippopotomonstro-sesquipedalianism,It sounds like an animal, thoughIt’s what every animal isn’t....

Compiled by Roy E. Peterson Readers are encouraged to add other great poets' and writers' epitaphs in the comments section below, or write a poem for their own epitaphs. . Prologue Both authors well and lesser known Write their own epitaphs for stone. What fascinations fill my mind To think what...

. The Tale of Governor Do-as-I-Say-Not-as-I-Do-som It’s funny how Democracy In many states now colored blue Produces rank hypocrisy, A birthright of the privileged few. And there we notice Gavin Newsom Imbibing wine for all to see, Complicit in a maskless twosome Inside a swanky eatery. But this is urban...

.  Brush with Shame In reference to “Couple accidentally paints over $500,000 artwork,” Ben Cost, New York Post, 4/3/21 The whole world over they are in a stew: Our artists and creators share the view That “artwork” they create or else display Is “hands off”—there’s just nothing else to say....

. O Spring, you’re such a tease, Fickle as a good-time lover; Temptingly, you hover Warm against my cheek, Windless, save a zephyr; And oh so soft your whisper Of promise, only to hide Away again. I seek, Not to find. Your breeze Blows hot, then cold. Decide! . ....

. The gaffe-prone Duke of Edinburgh has died, who asked if native Aussies still chucked spears and told some Brits they’d end up slitty-eyed for living in Beijing too many years. Yet what a gap this man of action filled. In World War Two he rode the cruel seas, then...

. The Seven Dwarves of Old Age The seven dwarves of old age __Have come to live with me, But what could be the use of them __Is more than I can see. First Napper came and gave a wink __And slept upon my bed. Warm afternoons are quiet time...

. Bardolatry He boasted an iambic ear, That playwright with insight, Shakespeare; Yes, Measure for Measure He’s given much pleasure With Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. The Bard’s jealous fellow, Othello, Brings lust, unjust murder and bellow— You’re after a laugh? Then check out Falstaff Or Malvolio’s tights of bright yellow. In mystic Midsummer Night’s Dream  Titania’s a mean fairy queen; There’s Puck, of wild antic, And Bottom, a frantic,...

.   __Like Don Quixote’s windmills, rhymes keep spinning in my head! My dark-passion is to write Light Verse; my curse, to go unread. __I keep submitting—vain attempts!— though earnest, judged a joke. My Poetic License—not expired— they’ve chosen to revoke. __Though I’d rework, rewrite, revise to grace some lit...

. She started her Pilates class, Upon the Internet. The city was in lockdown, So, she knew, some work she’d get. She started on her webpage, Working hard into the night. She knew it wasn’t easy, So, she had to get it right. But she wasn’t good at spelling, As...

. The Odyssey of a recovering patient of the Orthopedic and Spine Specialists (OSS) hospital in York, PA; January 2019. (My hospital experience could not have been better. Surgeons, nurses, aids, therapists, and dietary personnel are all first-rate. But my body's reaction was another matter.) Prologue My L-five, S-one fusion done,...

. . On a Starred Night derived from a George Meredith poem On a starred night, Prince Lucifer uprose; From smoke and stink and howl of the distraught And sulphur stench and brimstone, change he sought. Garbed in inconspicuous human clothes, He walked abroad, but not a one of those...

. I wish I could build me a magic machine, A magic machine that would last, Till the octopus sings and the Orca grows wings, And the lowly worm ceases to cast. I’d fashion the walls out of wonder and trust, The floors out of paper-maché, The roof a fine...

. We appreciate your purchase of this version of the game That caused Mr. Milton Bradley to become a household name. Though we cannot laud the methods for his capital success, We endorse Life, with some updates, which we here below address: First, the game begins in grade school, not...

. How to Write a Formal Poem(That Doesn’t Seem Like One) abandon capitals at all times. TrustYour sense for sound but, please, avoid rhymes. ChooseA rhythm you can readily adjustAnd phrase what you mean so it does not fitIambic’s smooth predestination. UseYour head, or use a pencil if you must,To...

. Dillard “Sparky” Barker Is a Doc at CDC. He’s announced a market- Driven cure for you and me. Helicaps—not beanies Are the answer to our prayers. The downward blowing breezes Now defeat all virus scares. The proof is unequivocal, The science has been settled. And now, it’s not that...

. Is poetry that’s free as free as all That?  Surely it’s the poet who is free Or not.  He makes the choice to make a sprawl Of words (and punctuation?) dribblingly Straight (straight?) along the right-hand margin, or Elects to wander from that side to God Knows where.  Then reeling like a...

. Dear President Biden You act as if you were elected To spend my great-grandchildren’s money. By spending trillions you’ve infected Each one of them with debt gone viral, And I don’t think it’s wise or funny To doom them to a downward spiral. I know that endless spend-spend-spending Will...

. The Plague They muzzle their breath, Sealed in rooms as if in tombs, Scared to death of death. . . A Tale from the City They’ve worn my patience very thin So I wear my mask upon my chin “Nose exposed!”, a stranger’s cry! “Brains in chains!”, my swift...

. Our neighbours bought a sheepdog: a heeler brindled blue, And all was well (or so it seemed) until his faults showed through; For when it came to penning sheep, he lost a large amount, And bit the hand which fed him when taken to account. They use him very...

. Rededication The sullen days of winter Remain a galling splinter Within my thickened skin, So let the games begin! Though I’m inclined to focus Upon the blooming crocus, The loom of April fills My mind with daffodils. With every spring, an Easter, But will it bring me feast or...

. A Box of Chocolates is like Life: (That Mrs. Gump she got it right.) You  never know just what you’ll get, so take a chance: Jump in; don’t fret! Life’s Bittersweet---both dark and light--- but with some luck, most bites you’ll like. It helps to read the Contents Card, as some...

. The Bibliophile’s Birth Certificate Marius Michel (1846-1925) was one of the most prominent and gifted bookbinders in France. He produced work in strikingly beautiful and unique designs, and today his bound volumes are precious collector’s items. Marius Michel, maître de reliure, Bound my soul in fine-grained red morocco; Culled...

. Don’t you love the Oxford Dictionary?  When I first read it, I thought it was a really really long poem about everything. —David Bowie A dictionary is an indispensable Companion on the journey through the many words Forgot or never learned.  It’s reprehensible How soon they fly away, like...

. A kangaroo visiting from Australia beholds the kangaroo court attempting to impeach President Trump for the second time and, taking the current kangaroo judge’s momentary absence as an opportunity, dresses up as judge and addresses the court. Folk took my name in vain When they joined in the refrain...

. A touch of wit is worth its writ in gold. We miss you, John, for being ever bold. You spoke your mind or, rather, wrote it down with learning lightly worn, and played the clown. Your loyal readers understand this truth: Such seriousness requiring a sleuth to figure out...

. The Second Roman Empire Those were the days, when Julius Caesar Saw a country and would seize her, And the busty Roman matrons Ran the house and bossed the patrons. Christians, at the least suggestion, Gave the lions indigestion; Later, Emperors used perversion Like tennis, as a light diversion,...

. Jelly Guts Rule The book, we’ve been apprised, is most uncool— Young Marco and the farmer by the pool, Wits locked in friendly if serious duel, And Marco sends the farmer off to school. One Dr. Seuss, its author, we’ll allow, Here glorified in clever rhyme (and how!) Imaginative...

. Oh hail the master puppeteer, Controller of the strings. The altruistic engineer, Sagaciousness he brings. With breathtaking dexterity, He moves us all about. From rich and famed celebrity, To every down-and-out. When he feels the time is right He drives our limbs to action. Manipulating day and night Gives...

. Around the rearview mirror of my car There hangs a gonfalon of love divine. My talisman, my bright and guiding star, From which both fortitude and healing shine. What is this mighty banner hanging down? Not cross nor tassel, but the soft damask That forms the flag by which...

. Advice from Dante “If you hear nostrums* in the market cried, Behave like men, and not like witless sheep.” ---Dante, Paradiso, Canto V Behave like men, and not like witless sheep. The CDC has shown no evidence That covering one’s face with cloth will keep The people near us...

. I heard the harvested remains Of infants coursing through my veins Will save me from the Wuhan Flu--- I’m gonna get some, how ‘bout you? Those babies were already dead, Their blood’s not really on my head So fill that needle, stick it far--- I’ll leave my conscience in...

. Bang! “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”---This quote was attributed by John Kennedy to medieval thinker Dante Alighieri  I’m polite and I am civil. I am civil and polite. I nod at dullest drivel, My eyes and...

. Girolamo Savonarola Here we are at circus, you and me and all the others, facing each and every way in the Age of Absurdity. Rather alike some Swiftian satire, some Aesopian consequence, some Seussian phantasmagoria where all the world is upside down, facing sideways in slow-motion walking backwards into...

 . This silver-furred yogi of how to stay fit,  This bespectacled guru of health,  Is a growly voiced sage of nefarious wit;  A hoodwinking master of stealth.  This flip-flopping, truth-chopping, sly hypocrite;  This barefaced disgrace; demon prince of batshit,  Is rolling in ill-gotten wealth.    This fork-tongued ace fudger of figures and facts  Who wove the apocalypse thread,  Has backtracked on data...

The author of the above poem, circulating online, is unknown. From The Epoch Times (March 2, 2021) "Biden Omits Mention of Dr. Seuss From ‘Read Across America Day’ Amid Concerns of Racist Undertones": President Joe Biden appears to have removed legendary children’s book author Dr. Seuss from “Read Across America...

. . He met her one Summer, the girl of his dreams, A freckle-faced beauty just out of her teens. He chatted her up, and he thought he’d done well, But with these young women, you never can tell. She said she was happy to be on her own, So,...

. Governor Mussolini Fifteen thousand souls,Killed by the stroke of his pen,For whom no bell tolls. . . Covid Chronicles I saw a naked face today---It nearly took my breath away!I knew the girl and so I asked “How is it, Dear, that you’re unmasked?”. “I’m on the phone, as...