Satire

  A Gentleman’s Guide to Losing a War I hold my spyglass to my face, _And straighten my cravat. A cannonball just flew on by, _And flattened my best hat! I brought some fancy silver spoons _To have a pleasant war, But soon the stupid peasants came, _And battered at...

  The Council of Infinite Opinions A council met where certainty was banned, And every truth was shaped by shifting hand. “No fact may stand,” they spoke with measured breath, “Unless it bends to every shade of depth.” The wise withdrew; the louder filled the floor, Each syllable a carefully...

  Not Small At All I’ve gained appreciation for the smaller things in life, The uneventful days when all is pleasant, free from strife. Where family’s fine and things I need work perfectly each time, While plans are all accomplished, and there’s calmness that’s sublime.     Human Nature? If...

  Elizabeth Barrett Browning Has Second Thoughts How do I hate you? Let me count the flaws: I hate you for the sappy way you smile; Your limping gait, as if you had the yaws; Your vague uncertain dreaming, and the vile Habit you have of staying far too long...

  The Ministry of Twee The Ministry’s role is to banish the soul _In poems the poets send in--- To snuff out the spark at the core of the stark, Extinguish the sear of a kiss in the dark, To vaporize tears in the lilt of the lark _And toss...

  Good Night When you brushed and flossed and rinsed your teeth, _You gave nary a thought To a gap you almost never reach.    I am that spot. Those brilliant words you never said _Now rattling inside your head; But when you needed them, you froze. _I am those....

  Undeclared College Major Discussing broader options that young women have today, One of my female classmates had a startling thing to say, About how in our time some college women’s foremost plan--- Encouraged by their mothers---was to find themselves a man.     Kitchen Comfort He asked her if...

  Twelve Labors More Part II. The Music of the Spheres Read Part I here. I. My life continued quiet till one morning When—“knock, knock, knock”—upon my porch I found Great Socrates, Achilles, and Falstaff. I craned my neck: no cop cars were around. “Come on, you ready?” Socrates inquired....

  The Wiles of a Woman The wiles of a woman, men, you never should discount. For after all, they often want what’s in your bank account. When pressures of their passions do precipitously mount, Some women will try anything to get a high amount. We think of lovestruck young...

  The Holy Rollers on Poetry We are the Holy Rollers— We live for solemn prayer. With censers of pure frankincense We fumigate the air. We quote from Sacred Scripture, Especially Saint Paul: We love to quote Galatians on How works don’t work at all. We gather folks around us,...

  The George-A-Saurus Forget the Jabberwocky, son--- Instead beware the George-A-Saurus: A wicked monster you should shun; Whose single goal is to abhor us. He has the depth of Al Capone, The morals of a brontosaurus, A heart which beats as made of stone And far less charm than a...

  At the No-Win Inn The room for error is across the hall, Between the storage bin for grave mistakes And padlocked doors to closet space where all The skeletons are kept. The rattlesnakes Are on the floor below, along with ranks Of spiders, scorpions, and rabid skunks. Piranhas wait...

  Two-Tier Keir: Being a Short Account of a Trickster He sought to be in politics--- _Self-virtued Dalai Lama. Instead, we found through all his tricks: _A trickster, Two-Tier Starmer. He promised all he'd play it straight, _He'd never be a harmer; But all his promises were bait, _The angler,...

  What Happened to the Ayatollah?   I The Ayatollah’s disappeared: It’s just as all his friends have feared; But where he’s gone to none can tell, My guess is though it’s down to Hell. He’s with his wives and mullah chums: They’re sitting there with burning bums. He’s asking,...

  The Antipope Gives Military Advice Aircraft should always be vehicles of peace, never of war! No one should fear that threats of death and destruction will come from the sky. —Leo XIV in a recent comment to the press. It seems that in the Vatican we have a fine...

  In the Vault of Default I store my memories in empty bottles, Which rest on horizontal 2x4s That gird the inner walls inside a cabin Close to a lake in Maine. I favor throttles, While others lean toward brakes. There’s no remorse That’s worth the having: Let what happens...

  Undone Decisions made in haste are doubts deferred. The need to come off confident, to seem As though in charge, is really quite absurd When self-control remains a bootless dream. Those sudden unexpected bouts of rage Belie the promises you whispered in A semblance of remorse and turn the...

  The Most Important Forgiveness Humiliating errors we’ve all made, And plagued ourselves by tending to relive, Would stand a better chance to be allayed, If we instead could learn to self-forgive.     Insensitive Kindness The wealthy man would always grab the checks, Which he deemed kind, but others...

  Divorce _We part our ways Like others part a sea; _You, Egypt, stay, While I, a Hebrew, flee. _We must decide What each of us will take: _I keep my tribes, You choose to keep your plagues. _I bid shalom To you, my not-so-dear, _And look for home Another...

  Seven Limericks of an Old Cynic Ataraxia (ἀταραξία) – accented on the penultimate vowel. Untroubled stillness, pure calm, impassiveness, the absence of turmoil and disturbance. My life has a firm, solid basis. Friends say I’m enslaved to cold stasis. But I gladly aver That in fact I prefer This...

  'The Real Star' of the 2026 World Economic Forum —inspired by quotes from U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent Gavin Newsom believes he’s the be-all and end-all, but he’s “Patrick Bateman meets Sparkle Beach Ken” doll. A psycho who does what those with savoir-faire do, a shell of a man...

  To Thine Own Text Be True For My Autocorrect on Valentine’s Day You turn my hope to mope, my bliss to dross, My win to sin, my better into bitter. Your lunacy has left me at a loss. You make my finer fellow-texters titter. I’m now a shitshow of...

Listen, Wishin' Star Listen, you cotton pickin’ Wishin’ Star, I know how far up in the sky you are. I sent a wish up to your starry vaults; I made a wish and I expect results. My wish was quite explicit. I told you who Was one I wished for,...

  Song of the Beelzebots We lure you with our speed and with our flair. We snare you with our lexical appeal. We’re here to make you ever more aware Of why and how. And no---we cannot feel. We gather scattered fragments of ideas. We seek and scan and sift...

Lydia, De-Tattooed Lady ---with apologies to Groucho Marx The years she spent performing in the sun Have made her epidermis overdone. To make things worse, in each one of her shows She posed onstage in scarcely any clothes. If Lydia had sheltered from the weather Perhaps her skin would not...

  How to Acquire and Maintain Political Power   Part 1: Acquiring Power Announce that you’re The Savior. _You’ll be the one who strives to transform our society _and better people’s lives. Are people’s problems their own fault? _No way. Of course, they’re not. “The system” is the reason for...

  Politically Incorrect Poem You see, I am a poetess. We of my gender wear a dress. And to some nouns add e – s – s So you will know who’s who.     Home _I'm looking for a portal _Into another space Where nothing there will tick me...

  Telling by Not Asking I called up somebody I knew back in school, _Beginning six decades ago. Someone I spent six years of doing things with, _But since then we’d not said hello. I asked him about his whole life, and learned facts _To a rather extensive degree, The...

  Homage to Brigitte Bardot ---God bless Brigitte Bardot for her courage and frankness. “And God Created Woman…” yes, indeed— Was there another female who came close To how He crafted you? No man could spy A single flaw in that Parisian breed Of firm-fleshed structure right down to the...

  Twelve Labors More Part I. And There He Was   I. And there he was! Great Socrates who knew That I knew nothing, at least that’s what he said In perfect English, never mind just how (Perhaps it’s just a dream inside my head?). He stumbled on my poorly...

  Arga’il’s Epistle to the Priests of Moloch Hail, Brethren of the Sacrificial Rite, Ye priests of Moloch, pride of Rabbath-Amon! Accept this humble missive which is sent From your most abject servant, Arga’il, Who details visions borne of second sight. I write of priest-craft (partly gleaned from Mammon) On...

  Safer? My photos were safer in boxes My words were secure in my books. They say that the cloud’s the solution For worry o’er fire and crooks. But woe! I’ve forgotten my password. My storage is now on the brink. Marked safe from the physical hazards, My stuff is...

  Up-up-up with a Fish A scowl crossed the face of the Cat in the Hat, on hearing the Fish in the Bowl was a rat. The goldfish had threatened to snitch on his scheme, to thwart fun, fun, fun, or so it did seem. He suggested a game called:...

  Advice to a Cigar Aficionado If you smoke a cheap cigar You may get severe catarrh, For a poor grade of tobacco Can drive your bronchial system wacko. Stick to stogies from Havana Which are like angelic manna. Even though they are illicit (Yes, the law is quite explicit)...

  No Doubt Someone Was Very Busy The shopping cart was in a parking space, And not the store’s close-by cart storage place, Though every other cart had been put in it, But that would take an extra half a minute.     Disregarded Dumb things we did back in...

  Poor Minnesota Normal people have an issue recreating Mogadishu, while destroying each iota of what once was Minnesota. Minnesota paid out millions to a small group of civilians with Somali shared traditions, and with fraudulent ambitions. When Tim Walz first heard about it, he did more than merely doubt...

  Civilized Let’s be honest: the world has changed little since it was common knowledge that Jews are humanity’s enemy. Hitler was just somewhat extreme. Fast and loose. Some think he was all right, but that's faulty. Our approaches are more civilized. Killing Jews is sometimes too revolting. Some may...

Dead Singer Gear-grind crushed the parrot’s beak and ground the skull to mucous mass. I found this gesture quite unique— the parrot family claimed it crass, filed suit against the perpetrator demanding substantial compensation in form of cash, or real estate, or stocks and bonds adjusted for inflation. Their day...

  Cultural Diversity O, Reason is a Western trait; _Dead white men love logic And dominate the world with it--- _A practice demagogic. No syllogism from the Greeks _Will boss me, no, my thought’ll Go where and when it wants to go _No matter if it ought’ll. I’ll think what...

  Ode to My Plumber Bubble, bubble toilet trouble, Fix this problem on the double. Plugged up draining. Will not flush. When it breaks loose, gonna gush. Nowhere for the stuff to go When there's stoppage far below. Situation most alarmin'. Someone overused the Charmin, Forming one big massive plug...