Humor

  I. My cousin has a fuzzy head _But I am bald instead. I cannot give your hand a shake _But I will let you take A bite of me, appreciate _The hunger that I sate.   II. A visitor you’ll find on paths in Spring Who mostly has a...

  May a Smile Be Your Umbrella May a smile be your umbrella And the wind blow you away. May a purple hippopotamus Carry off your car today. May lightning strike your house For what you've said and done. May you drown in your own tears, With nowhere left to...

  Flexibility This morning when I was pursuing Just one of my many routines, My son asked why I wasn’t doing That task by a whole other means. I pondered his concept’s adoption, And quickly saw it wouldn’t do, Not owing to flaws in the option, But since it would...

  Big Cat Dance In my home state of Michigan _They rip up all the roads To vex the heart of every man _Who kicks against the goads. I curse and huff and I deride _Each time I lose a lane. They did it on the Southbound side, _And now...

  A Potpourri of Aphoristic Verses   Confronted with the truth, some will embrace it, While others, sadly, will refuse to face it. * The underestimation of a rival Is not the surest pathway to survival. * When power brokers squint and get all pensive, The huddled masses grow more...

  Chaucer Announces His Desire to Retire Whan that passing years and Father Time’s made difficulty in my finding sounds… rhymes! that to the ear are similar; and ere a line’s complete I place an eye-rhyme here to mark its termination, but end up—oft seems— with six iambic feet, not...

  Advantages of Restaurants Food quality has dropped, Price rises have not stopped, Selections are decreased, Most portions aren’t a feast. Yet still I have to say I didn’t cook today.     The Most Educational Dinner If I could welcome any five folks from world history, To dinner, where...

  Act III The signs suggested that my time was short, To which I gave a disbelieving snort. My future debts were paid in full, they say, Before I was required to join the play. The time has come for me to act my age And to rehearse my exit...

  Song of the Frog Princess —a fairytale love song Whisk me away to an old fashioned dance where old folks jump high as if they’re entranced, where frogs turn to princes when given the chance. Whisk me away to an old fashioned dance. Bounce me on over a tumbleweed...

  Deliverance Upon the bank, this waters wave, _And beckon you, "Come wade." You step into the chilly stream _And sip spiked lemonade. The current flows around your waist. _You think, "Why be afraid?" You feel sand shift below your feet. _The torrent’s swift and strong. You turn to face...

  The Royal Arse Hortillery Behold the English army as it marches off to war, Where the musket balls do whistle, and the mighty cannon roar. But there you’ll find them at the back, a motley bunch I fear, The Royal Arse Hortillery are bringing up the rear. They’ve been...

  Impressions How often are impressions deemed profound, Accepted fully, carried all around, And stated with assertive satisfaction, From merely a few moments’ interaction?     The Hand of God I have felt the hand of God Securely on my shoulder, With comfort of His staff and rod More clearly...

  Shave Off Those Whiskers _I do not understand Why some men don’t shave their whiskers. _A beard or a mustache Will turn you into harried risktakers. _You never know what’s hiding Entombed inside a bushy beard— _A fly or spider’s parts? I’ve heard it’s true though it sounds weird....

  My Pyjamas! My jamas have lemurs and llamas, A rude cockatoo and a yak, Cerulean shrews and iguanas All running amok on the back. Each sleeve has a mischief of muskrats, A murder of clamorous crows, A skink, a pink skunk and four fruit bats With rows of opposable...

  Two Fateful American Coin Flips   Asa Lovejoy, Francis Pettigrew & The Portland Penny We settled on the banks of the Willamette, “The Clearing’s” what we called our settlement. “A better name could prove to be an asset,” Said Asa, and I shared his sentiment. “It’s 1845 and folks...

  Pouting Polly Polly Esther finds her vesture positively snoring. Even worse, her purse looks like a tile of kitchen flooring. She’s not enthused about her shoes whose hues are lacking flair, And swears a hairless bear would never dare the ware she wears. Now Loafing Lester is a bear...

  The Bird with the Ugly Voice I kept a bird whose song was harsh and coarse, A jarring cry, a rasping, croaking force. I shut him in his cage beside the door, And hoped in time his voice might charm me more. I longed for melodies of sweet delight,...

  An Englishman to World Cups Past That 1966 World Cup _is but a memory, awarded, so the Scotsmen claim, _to England, quite unfairly. Since then, our World Cup wilderness _has had its ups and downs. A dwarfish Argentinian _denied us further crowns as did the wily Croats of _the...

  Faux Pas after Don Paterson When I decanted red, not white, and she called me a fool I bit my tongue, remembering that bird from Liverpool who kept her infant near the cooker while a cauldron boiled for sanitising nappies that the darling child had soiled and how the...

  Mothiavelli I’m thirsty for the fever of her kiss--- The neon sear---the lethal lick she brings. I burn to surf the heat of her abyss. I’ll skirt her scorch to shield my flimsy wings. I’ve heard the zap and breathed the sooty singe Of smitten kin who skimmed the...

  Three Kittens Went to Kitten-Garten Three kittens in kitten-garten. Whose teacher was a dog. They had to write their answers In their daily log. The dog would ask the kittens, “Are you ready now?” Each kitten had to answer, “Meow, meow, meow.” They boned up on their math, Then...

  Chaucer's Medieval Hangover Advice and Cure If you should quaff nocturnally too much, and waking, find your mouth’s a rabbit hutch in fragrance, while you’ve copiously been sick, raw eels and bitter almonds do the trick. Those eels and almonds cancel out what brew doth loiter in your guts,...

  Spontaneous Conjugal Combustion ---a villanelle He simply couldn't turn the other cheek On ceaseless babble drowning out the game. He caved to scorching fits of crimson pique. He smoldered, snapped, then hollered like a freak--- Sparks flared and flew; his words were far from tame. She simply couldn't turn...

  Hamlet's Lawyer Will Shakespeare? Here. These papers are for you. Aye, open them. A summons and complaint! Don’t grumble, sir! We have the right to sue, And Lord knows you are neither prince nor saint. You stand accused, you whoreson playwright bore! You recall nought? You do not give...

  À la Carte A crouton on a flaccid salad, Your dinner date adds texture to An otherwise anemic toss, And with a tint not half so pallid Promotes your lettucey appeal To something more than total loss. So drink the wine and thank the Father For garnishing your evening...

  The Cautionary Tale of Phone Addicted Mimi A girl called Mimi thought it best to give her active brain a rest. She bought the latest mobile phone, the same as her BFF, Joan, and all day long would browse and scroll, which soon became her single goal. At school...

  Waiting for the Perfect Man A woman waiting for the perfect man, though she was far from perfect, had a list of qualities a man must have. Her plan to claim perfection could not be dismissed; on certain traits, she simply must insist. When she was thirty-five and still...

  Have a Nice Week! I wish you a wonderful week! May Monday go smoothly and sleek, And Tuesday productive at work; Perhaps you’ll enjoy a new perk. I bet Wednesday runs really fast. Behold, half a week has just passed. On Thursday be happy and bright The week is...

  The Cover-up Everything went smoothly on the morning that we launched __And headed off to make our flight through space. And we’d now been receding from the earth for three long years, __While traveling at a hard to fathom pace. Now at last our destination loomed before our eyes...

  Interdisciplinary Indiscipline A lifetime ago, back in seventh-grade band, “The Bullwhip” had all us kids pledge to expand Our goals for our music. He went on to ask us To double our time spent in personal practice. The girls—mostly woodwinds—were eager to please; Ol’ Bullwhip could always control them...

  How Septuagenarian’s Cope Past seventy. Age does prevail. _The day is growing dim. I’ve managed through life’s calms and gales— I still can trapse through woodland trails _And work out at a gym. Past seventy. Age does assail. _Our grandkids prove time zooms! Their one-track minds never derail: Just...

  Snow Foe I’m rather certain snow falls for a reason, Like adding charm to wintertime’s cold season. But after many years of getting pelted, My favorite type of snow is when it’s melted.     A Few Seconds More If there could be one thing about myself that I’d...

  The Sun The sun’s so conscientious She gives us every dawn--- Her rays across the treetops And then across the lawn. Don't you think it's wonderful That sloth is not her sin: She never just rolls over And decides she will sleep in?     Leslie Lippincott Hidley is retired...

  Sough I learned a new word, “sough,” today. _I think it’s quite poetic. Although it’s quirky in a way _That’s odd but not pathetic. It seems it sometimes rhymes with “suff,” _Though “sow” is most preferred. But if you don’t try hard enough _And “sight rhyme?” How absurd! In...

  Montaigne and Us He holed up in his tower of stone, alone, Sickened by what he saw had overcome All France: religious wars, the worst they’d known. Was Paris worth a mass grave? Yes, said some. His library well stocked, his pen in hand, His essays surveyed his own...

  Mice and Midges Please remove your shoes of leather During this inclement weather. Also boots with deepest ridges, Full of bits of mice and midges. Footwear wet with spew or spoor, Should not pass beyond this door. Running shoes appearing white, Underneath may harbor blight Or parasites or slimy...

Listen, Wishin' Star Listen, you cotton pickin’ Wishin’ Star, I know how far up in the sky you are. I sent a wish up to your starry vaults; I made a wish and I expect results. My wish was quite explicit. I told you who Was one I wished for,...

  A Fishing Tale ---24 November 2025 Young Jeffrey oft went fishing with his dad Sometimes for perch but oftener for shad. When spawning shad were running wild upstream To catch one, two, or three was Jeffrey’s dream. Jeff’s daddy drove his boat upstream and down They trolled and brought...

  Leak Oh, versifyingʼs worthless unless you know the what and why Of saying something deep and true, or of the moon and sky. Now, nature doesnʼt interest me---no matter how celestial. The music of the spheres to me, it doesnʼt sound orchestral. Iʼm gloomy almost all the time, and...

  Thomas Paine Publishes Common Sense   London, 1774 A man walked through the door, escaping rain. His shoes were full of holes where water trailed. “Beg pardon, sir, the name is Thomas Paine. I need some work.” He held an ad Ben nailed. His concave abdomen, curtailed In thickness,...