Satire

. A Bogus Bishop’s Prayer My prayer is not pitched heavenward _To fall upon deaf ears. It’s lashed to Earth for greater good. _It cashes in on tears. It's feathered several nests for years--- _I'm Croesus-rich and famed. I’m feasting at the public trough _And I am not ashamed. My...

USAID USAID Mission Statement: On behalf of the American people, we promote and demonstrate democratic values abroad, and advance a free, peaceful, and prosperous world. We are funding a world that’s more peaceful and free through the taxpayer funded USAID, but its nature is hidden behind a facade that disguises...

. The Judge Addresses the Defendant "Living in America is like serving in the army; ninety percent of conduct is prescribed by law and the remaining ten percent by the esprit de corps." —Albert Jay Nock Of course you have free speech. I wouldn’t sit Here on the Federal bench...

. The Untimely Demise of My Dear Uncle Sam I received the somber news __as sun set low today. My beloved Uncle Sam __by death was swept away. It wasn’t on the battlefield that __he met his demise. ‘Twas long before when men ignored __the counsel of the wise. Through...

. The Discharge of the Woke Brigade ---after Tennyson Half a mil, half a mil, __Half a mil onward, __All from the Treasury ____Filched the encumbered. __‘Forward, the Woke Brigade, __Mooch till the end!’ Prof said. __Into the jaws of debt ____Dove the encumbered. __‘Forward, the Woke Brigade!’ __Was there...

. Wisdom and Sway Life was tranquil and calm, not a care, not a qualm, in a town not too near you, but not far away. It was led by a mayor, a powerful player, a grandiose mayor with wisdom and sway. We’d always considered the sky to be blue....

. Pearls or Swine? Pray show me how to tell a pearl from swine. I have a thirst for sanity to slake. I seek a clue---a firm not fluid sign To steer me from the sway of all that’s fake. While Einsteins whine and eggheads bellyache, As boundaries blur and...

. Four Newsy Limericks . A pedophile, if you should see one, Must not be reported. The reason? __It could be your fate __That you’d be charged with “hate.” A crime worse by far than to be one. . It’s easier dealing with China, Than rebuilding in South Carolina __When...

. O Delta Smelt O Delta Smelt of silver scale, O threatened gem of fin and tail, In brackish waters made just so By crimson hands as ill winds blow, Your saviors sing of Toad and Whale. As fires rage and hydrants fail, As houses blaze and hopes grow pale,...

. Payday Before the crash, the market looked so strong. I doled out cash and credit, buying in While others sold. But, sadly, I was wrong About this, confidence my greatest sin, And I have duly suffered, if my bank Account means anything. For such mistakes I have myself and...

. A Hero in My Head Though never even in the war he loomed A hero there.  At least in my blond head, Our father braved it out where Jap planes zoomed And zapped his buddies.  All but him were doomed To bit part deaths bespattered with blood red. Though...

. Kill or Cure? “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patientwhile nature cures the disease.” ---Voltaire . Possible Side Effects: May cause lacerations to lobes of the brain__Or clusters of pustular zits,Neuritis, cystitis, abdominal pain__And gaseous doses of squits.Stop taking if aching and waking at night__With loss of...

. Americans in Florence Ooo David! Whoa, you’re well-hung! But why a foreskin, underslung? Your left hand, do you hold a sling or dead Goliath's severed thing? Stop giggling, girls, show some respect. You know we all must genuflect before Great Art. Meh, this is slop. C’mon, let’s go, we’re...

. 'Twas the Day After Christmas ‘Twas the day after Christmas. Mom went to the store To return all her presents and gift herself more. The stockings still hung on the big mantle there, While she was out shopping with nary a care. The children were playing with their Christmas...

. The Interview “Respect my grammar rules or else,” K said, “This interview will be extremely short. Or better yet, I’ll summon you to court.” My pulse raced. I could feel my face turn red. K said, “Respect my pronouns: ‘It and Them.’ My genderqueer identity’s protected. My tats, my...

. Song of the Sophist a pantoum I tiptoe past all that is true--- The facts never matter to me. My aim is to wheedle and woo. I peddle malarkey with glee. The facts never matter to me. I fib as I fox and digress. I peddle malarkey with glee....

. Journalists Live in a Fantasy World If you like fiction, then turn on the news. You will hear journalists giving their views. Facts are conveniently pushed to the side; Truth becomes something that they may deride. Journalists live in a fantasy world: Lies are their truth while dumb insults...

. Sharpton He talks his walk and walks his talk and then He walks his talk and talks his walk again. The walk he talks goes nowhere I can see. The talk he walks seems jabberwock to me. But everybody thinks his talk is grand And make him rich by...

. Homemade Halos---An Election Reflection “Celebrity endorsements say a lot: they say you’re a liberal, an elitist, and a cultural progressive,” Mr. O’Reilly said. “An Oprah or Clooney endorsement is the kiss of death in large swaths of the country now.” ---from “Old-School Celebrities Could Not Move the Needle," New...

. When Fervid Female Stoops to Folly after Goldsmith’s “When lovely woman stoops to folly” When fervid female stoops to folly and starts insisting she is male, proclaiming that she’s Paul, not Polly, she’s bought a lie beyond the pale. Can happiness stem from such a fable? No. Bodies are...

. Black Friday Before Christmas Many of the stories are real ones from the Internet. ‘Twas the month before Christmas right after Thanksgiving.I ate lots of turkey. I really was living.I decided to go to the big shopping mallTo buy gifts in advance that would this year enthrall.The parking was...

. The Ballad of Mark and P’Nut The lamp is lit, computer’s on, __My coffee has been brewed. I scroll to find the harrowing tale, __The story millions viewed. At twelve o’clock, October’s end, __A rap upon the door, Mark opened it and six armed men __Tackled him to the...

. A Colossal Event of Avoidance “This is a colossal event of avoidance not just in the state of Florida, but you will find avoidance in the Carolinas.” ---Marn’i Washington, FEMA Supervisor, November 11, 2024 A colossal event of avoidance occurred when a storm came and went causing damage unheard...

. Saint Andrew My Uncle Andrew lived his lifeInflicting others pain and strife.‘Twas always said by mother dear“No good shall come of it, you hear!”He’d swill the hooch and whop his wifeOr kids within an inch of life.From trollops he would not abstain,Howled at the Pastor with disdain.These tales I...

. Feeding the Alligators The orange king of lava tongue has won. He sings a spangled song that rings throughout A plundered land where dreams and gold once sprung. He's here to nourish hope and conquer doubt. The bullet-bitten boomerang is back. The cackle of the camel is no more....

. Voting Advice When we vote in each election,few with brains will ever run.So, when we make our selection,we elect a simpleton. When a massive problem’s brewingthat can tear apart the state,since they don’t know what they’re doing,they will always obfuscate. They’ll create a new Commissionthat will study things to...

. Hey Gen Z, There’s a Huge Inheritance Coming Your Way Inheritance? What could it be? __A house? A yacht? A jet? No way. It’s much, much bigger. __It’s called the National Debt. The debt is 35 trillion plus. __An upward trend is clear. We add at least another trillion...

. The Knucklehead Defense If you’ve implied that you have fought in war,but meant your statements more as metaphordesigned so you’ll appear to be less lame,the Knucklehead Defense will clear your name. If you are ever charged with DUI,and you’re a Democrat then you can lie.There is no need to prove...

. Sonnet 83 A thankless task. You churn them singly out. They’re ordered chronologic’ly. And when someone asks idly what they’re all about, you can’t avow a single theme. But then you add as afterthought, “I like being arch”--- you’d think wit travels on iambic wheels. Alas, the modern earnestness...

. Not So Grand Poo-bah Middle brother with lesser brain, Descended from the killer Cain. More grasping man you never saw, Believes he is the Grand Poo-bah. He flew down south to get his Dad, But he was not a thoughtful lad; Gained the Will through sheer chutzpah, Controls it...

. Contemporary Logic Tattoos were blanketing her skin, Pierced everywhere, objects put in, Eyelash extensions, purple-haired, “I love my body,” she declared. . . Stolen Land I heard two liberals talk at length About the theft of native lands, And what a shame it was that strength Determined how it...

. Mother Government We modern people don’t believe that pointless rituals relieve the crushing angst felt deep within, that we once thought was caused by sin. But Mother Government has shown to all of us that she alone has what it takes to intercede and give us what we truly...

. The Waste Land: 2028 You said you loved her---everything about her---Her color, accents, laugh, that she was woke.Her joy outweighed all duty and was louder!America, you said, should go for broke.You shrugged when unelected politiciansAll propped her up like Stalin’s politburo.You wanted a divorce from white patricians,To socialize the...

. It Must Be True In The Jungle Book Kipling describes the “Bandar-log”—the monkeys of the Seeonee Jungle—whose scatterbrained chatter is epitomized by their slogan, “We are great... We are the most wonderful people in all the jungle! We all say so, and so it must be true.”  She’s wonderful,...

. Carcinoma The NHS, though poised and calm, Have so far done no hurt or harm, Towards this cancer on my arm. They saw it there a month ago, And told me it would have to go; Since then I’ve sat and watched it grow. Maybe they’re planning what to...

. Political Musings . While bumbling Biden’s basking on the beach, The Donald’s dodging bullets in the breach. . Abortion this, abortion that—it’s 24/7; But not a word about the smash and grab at 7-Eleven. . Kamala never mentions God, Or faith, or Jesus Christ. How odd. . While Secret...

. The Fool Astrology has always left me cold (As cold, at least, as interstellar space); The lines along my palm can only trace The rate at which my hand is growing old. My observation of the Ouija board Says spirits of the dead should learn to spell; And, much...

. Send in the Clones Year One. Computer, help me make this switch! This lab is now my church. Advance my mission: To nail the science for my sex transition! Frustration makes me positively twitch--- I scratch and scratch but still can’t get that itch. A swirl of chic mascara,...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and baskets, Which could fill the entire Colosseum; Plus, amphoras and armor and caskets. All are...

. The Chief Baker Responds to Joseph "And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days: Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh...