‘Ghouls Rules’ by Norma Pain

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Ghouls Rules

Out in the middle of Howling Heath
Lives a mean old monster with a million teeth,
In a mouth as big as a catamaran,
To accommodate the limbs of moose and man,
And kids that fiddle with their food at dinner
While hungry kids get thinner and thinner.
He doesn’t like children who are impolite.
They only serve to whet his appetite,
So pay attention and obey the rules,
Cause he’s mighty scary when he sits and drools.
You may not notice him until too late,
But mark my words you’ll be on his plate
In no time flat and he’ll gobble you up
And collect your blood in a Dixie cup,
To sip on later when he’s in the mood
For a bloody cocktail that is freshly brewed.
He’ll lick his lips and he’ll smack his chops
And he’ll rub his belly as away he hops.
So… Watch out! Be good.

The old folks say that they hear him tread
On the rooftops after they go to bed,
And nobody knows if ‘n’ when or how
He gains admittance to collect his chow.
They do agree that despite his size,
His magic powers put him in disguise,
So he might resemble your favorite aunt,
Or the family pet or the living room plant,
And the only way to avoid his plate
So you’re not the one to make him salivate,
Is to mind your manners and your P’s and Q’s
And don’t do any drugs or scuff your shoes.
No picking your nose when you ride the bus
And never a tantrum where you kick and cuss.
If you do bad things then you’ll be in trouble
And instead of floating in your childish bubble,
You’ll be rotting away in the monster’s belly
With the rats and the mice and the mongoose jelly,
So… Watch out! Be good.

And kids be sure to tell your mum and dad
To show by example what is good… not bad,
Or the monster’s sure to have a hairy fit
And while they’re sleeping eat them bit by bit,
Except for their fingernails and toenails too,
Cause adult nails are pretty hard to chew
And full of jam collected through the years
From drinking far too many ginger beers,
And he’ll spit them out along with teeth and hair
And bits of mum and dad you’ll find elsewhere.
If you think this story is a big fat lie,
Well that’s okay if you’re ready to die.
So swallow your fear and never show it,
Cause the monster’s smart and he’ll surely know it.
He’s quick as lightning and smart as a whip,
With a chest as sturdy as a battleship.
If you don’t mind staring at a million teeth,
The monster‘s waiting out on Howling Heath,
So… Watch out! Be good.

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Norma Pain was born in Liverpool, England and now lives in Parksville, British Columbia, Canada. Thirty of Norma’s poems were published by Dana Literary Society, between 2004 and 2007 and she was twice nominated for the Pushcart Prize by that same on-line poetry site. She self-published a book of rhyme in 2000 called Bulging Assets.