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Let Me Hold the Door
I hold the door for you, and then you scoff.
“He only wants to push old gender roles,”
You think. Because you know you’re strong enough,
To get a door or dig some garden holes.
But let me tell you in sincerity
That I would hold the door for anyone.
Not just for you, but women especially.
Most absolutely I would for a nun.
It’s old traditions, showing our respect.
I simply am a man respecting you—
Not for accomplishments as you expect;
Not for the weaker gender of the two.
Beware of men, who say they won’t be sad,
To have one fewer courteous thing to do.
The door slams in your face; would you be glad
For one less courtesy that’s shown to you?
And I’ll be happy if you’re walking first
And hold the door for me—I won’t be snide.
For recognition every person thirsts
And giving it makes us feel gratified.
.
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Frank Rable is a poet living in Pennsylvania.
Frank, thank you very much for holding the door open for me in the stanzas of this lovely poem, which lets me know that chivalry may be on life support, but it’s far from dead. You have made my afternoon!
You are very welcome! I’ve been thinking about doing this poem as an expression of how things should be, when hurry and courtesy collide. It’s enough that many people ambulate while focusing on a small screen. We who know better must do what we can.
Frank, I could not agree more with your thoughts and chivalry. How perfectly you phrased this poem. Regardless of what anyone says or thinks, it had been ingrained in us to be courteous! There will come a time when we all need doors opened for us in the literal sense.
Quite true! I recall that when I was recovering from a shattered ankle years ago, there were so many times that I was treated to a held door and even looks of concern. I never miss an opportunity to grab a door for somebody.
Just today, as I was about to enter a diner, I saw a middle aged man wearing one of those cast boots coming out with several teenage boys. Of course, I smiled and had the door for all of them. They smiled back, and the man said to them, “See, this is what I’m talking about!”
You’ll be glad to know that holding the door open for someone is still a common courtesy in not-so-sunny England. I’m currently working at a college with hundreds of overseas school-age visitors from Africa, Europe and Asia and haven’t had a door shut in my face yet. Ditto on all the excursions we’ve been on to London, Oxford and Brighton when interacting with my fellow Brits. In my mind it’s always been a pay-it-forward action (accompanied with mutual smiles), even before paying-it-forward was a thing.
Anyhow, that’s my experience, which seems to mirror your experience in the diner.
Yes, I am glad to know that, and not surprised. England remains a civilized nation, and I hope there will always be that England.
I was thinking, though, that the street level revolving doors that come with many large American buildings prohibit door holding by their very nature. And so, the same people who hesitate at the top of an escalator, can be seen going round and round in the circular door, looking for an escape. Courtesy has been engineered out in favor of perpetual motion. Every man (or woman) for themself, and devil take the hindmost.
Now that I am a senior citizen myself, I take pride in not becoming a prisoner of the circular door.
In Japan, the main cause of minor accidents is driver’s telling each other to go first at un-traffic-signalled crossroads and eventually going at the same time. Somehow, this rather heart-warming.
Dear Frank,
Thank you for not giving up on this act of consideration for others. I am still honored when others hold the door for me, and I too, find pleasure when I have the opportunity to practice kindness and recognition for someone else. Because yes! It is a “recognition” as you say. We are so much stuck on our devices, even while walking, it can appear as if we are each in our own individualistic world, which, sadly, we often are.
Gigi
Exactly! I think we all could use that recognition sometimes, whether from an act of courtesy or even just a smile.
Gigi, you see this not just as something courteous to do, but an “opportunity to practice kindness.” What a wonderful sentiment! That’s above and beyond, and you have made my day.
“Giving makes us gratified.” What a great idea for your final line, Frank! In a gift economy, we all feel abundance at little cost. Courtesy, tradition, respect, and recognition can multiply freely. These fine qualities even make us more creative.
Thank you Margaret! It’s true that holding that door, or whatever kindness you have been inspired to bestow, does give you something back. Recently my wife and son and I had just finished eating at a local diner, and were waiting for the check. I noticed that this old man with a “Korean Veteran” cap seemed to have difficulty sitting down at a nearby table. I jumped up and my wife asked what I was doing. “Not sure” I said. I went to his table but by then he had been able to seat himself. I introduced myself and we spoke for a few minutes. He had served in the Air Force like my Dad did, and I was an Air Force brat. Turns out we had both been in Plattsburg AFB the same year! Mary and Mike came over and thanked Tom for his service. We shook hands goodbye. I handed him a twenty and said “Tom, I got your lunch today.” I could see that he was touched, very much so.
Out in the car, Mary said, “You’re feeling good about that, I can tell.” “Yeah, the feeling is kind of indescribable, but wonderful. Not bad for $20.”
Thanks for relaying the story, Frank. I feel it’s a gift to me as well as to the elderly Korea veteran. The personal attention is the greater gift, though I’m sure the old man was pleased with lunch, too.