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Outside Chance
I hold my heart out in my hand
palm up, the same way one might offer
seeds to birds. (They’d understand
the danger in the gifts I proffer:
As tempting as the snack may be,
if once their vigilance should slip—
one glitch in their agility—
they might be trapped within my grip.)
As wise as birds—nay, wiser—he
studies the present throbbing there,
no strings attached, apparently,
no outward sign of ruse or snare,
__and then, without another passing glance,
__determines that it isn’t worth the chance.
Previously published in The Lyric
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A Pennsylvania native now residing in Colorado, Anna J. Arredondo is an engineer by education, a home educator by choice, and by preference, a poet. She also has poems published (or forthcoming) in The Lyric, Time of Singing, Light, Blue Unicorn, Better Than Starbucks, and WestWard Quarterly.
Better a pigeon than a seagull, I suppose.
I loved the way you carried the metaphor through the poem, Anna.
I like the naivete of the speaker. The metaphor is imprecise, to say the least, because a heart is not a snack. An offered heart contains an implicit request for a return of love, and while sympathizing with the rejected offerer, one must wonder if she isn’t better off. You do have her say, Anna, that there are no apparent strings, and no outward sign of ruse or snare, so the poet is aware. Carefully worded!
Like Paul, I love this metaphor, so concisely stated with such a clear image. Your turn to the last couplet is cleverly emphasized by the change from tetrameter to pentameter. Thanks, Anna — this is a very enjoyable, and thought-provoking — poem.
A very nicely chiselled piece of work, and I agree with Cynthia about the effect of shifting to a different meter in the closing couplet. It hits the reader with greater force, and drives home the main point: Don’t trust easily, and even when you do trust, stay wide awake.
It’s a truth that too many dreamers have forgotten.
Dear Anna,
Thank you for this comparison.
I have also considered this analogy, specifically with my teens. Teens can be timid to entrust love to a parent. Gentleness and patience are required from a mother who wants to draw her teen’s heart.
Gigi
Lovely to read Anna and nice to share an SCP day with you today. Best wishes.
A poem of brevity and precision. I find the metaphor striking and apt for the subject. Wonderful work, Anna!
Every poem is the heart held out in the hand, palm up.
But it’s not about the birds. So subtle, so beautiful, so sad.
Anna, the pain is palpable in this exquisitely beautiful poem – a soft, heartbreaking song of love and faith… heaven-sent gifts often trampled because we’re all too human. I admire the subtlety and the depth of this superlative piece. Anna, thank you.
Thank you all for your comments. I am so pleased to see these things noted and well-received: the metaphor, the meter change, and the understatement. I also love the picture Evan chose!