Humor

’Twas the Night Before Christmas ’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the malls there was widespread confusion and hot, frenzied brawls. Many shoppers were wanting the same bloomin’ gifts. Desperation resulted in feud-level rifts. There were four grandmas fighting for one preschool game. Their ferocity made angry pit...

I think that I shall never see A tree that is invisible. The very thought is risible— Or maybe it's advisable To say the word as 'rīsible.' My crucial point is clear to see —I mean it can be seen, not clear— What's clear cannot be seen. I fear I...

Translations by Terry L. Norton. Original Latin by Phaedrus follows each. The Red Kite and the Doves When doves had from a certain kite fled And by the swiftness of their wings escaped, The wily bird of prey unto them said, “Why let your lives by constant fear be shaped?...

  1. THEATRE Strolling Players Dancers, actors, acrobats! Stripey trousers, floppy hats! They weren’t born to swing a scythe, pay a toll or weigh a tithe. Not for them the horny hand, tied to tilling leaden land. They will never need to chew on millet bread or turnip stew. Red...

The Rime of the Balanced Boxes after Samuel Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner Part I Now, the training time had ended, The conference day was done, So, the teachers left the building, Their hearts and minds as one. They’d crafted no new teaching tools That might help students learn;...

The Tricoteuses The starving market women marched, marched on Versailles with kitchen knives; both marching and not marching meant they were endangering their lives. The ball got rolling, and the king was soon removed from absolute pow’r; then they were prevented from reaping their risky labour’s fruit. The new regime,...

by Caud Sewer Bile Elitist, social climbing parvenu, reclusive expert in the CIA, in touch with DNC dirt-digging too, caught leaking from the White House in the day, came forth in utter anonymity in lieu of no-one doing anything, accusing Trump of quid-pro policy recoiled at corruption happening, a point...

On the Untimely Demise of My Hair In days gone by when life for me looked bright, And I rejoiced in the clear dawn of youth, My hair filled my soul with such sweet delight That soon my locks became my only truth. Time hurried past as fast as a...

The above photographs were taken and submitted by New York City poet Joe Tessitore. We invite readers to pick one of the images (or both) and write a poem. Post your poem in the comments section below.    

  My husband posed his need to leave; a family vote was cast. The outcome brought me to my knees and left my heart aghast. Now, I’m a tad controlling – of that I will admit; “LEAVE” just means we’ll seal a DEAL for an amicable split. It pains my...

Time Time to time to time—from tock to tick, to wall to window topple, stop, then stop: a tower, wrist, a rest, a clerk, a click— around around the sound (a drip) (a drop)— and tripping, dripping, dropping I have been a clock within a clock within a clock that...

Ultimatum  To My Friendly Neighbor Regarding His Overly-friendly Pet* Dear neighbor, do you love your cat? (I'm sure you must, they're such enchanters) I've got a bag of poo (for you) It left in all my planters. My dreams in spring revolve around My growing plants of many species, And...

This piece is sponsored by KidSecured by Evan Mantyk and Kathy Brellan Lord Byron was born George Gordon Byron in London on January 22, 1788 and died just 36 years later in 1824. Yet, despite his short time on Earth, he remains known as one of the greatest English poets...

Doublespeak Denial Rondeau Redoublé “Gender mattered a whole lot less to Shakespeare than it seems to matter to us.” —John Irving If I don’t care for words you have to share (a pitch which strips all speech of honesty) don’t force me to embrace all you declare then name and...

  Choosing a pet can be vexing and yet it’s important to vet all the choices you’ve got. If you’re in search of a pet who will perch on your silver white birch, it’s the best of the lot. Dactyls are clever as hunters and never go hungry whenever they’re...

Dodgeball "But we have the mind of Christ." 1 Corinthians 2.16 Sometimes my thought-life is a dodgeball game— except that I’m the only one on my side of the line—and when at length I try to launch my views, distracting thoughts take aim at my attention; a barrage of lame...

  Irrelevant If the room is the tomb then the elephant is irrelevant.   Haiku From my heart was shown how very much I loved her— could she not have known?   I have found my voice. I do not rejoice—I fear I have lost your ear.   Haiku remind...

Helen Keller (1880-1968) Your eyesight and hearing were gone, yet you felt just as blithe as a fawn ___when you learned that a word ___could stand for a bird or the flowers that bloomed in your lawn. The very first word that you learned was “water.” Thereafter you yearned ___for...

A ball that’s lost should never cost ____A one-stroke penalty. Where now it dwells finds someone else— ____It’s stolen property! When perfect putt lips ‘round the cup, ____No stroke need added be. For physics claimed the putt was drained ____By law of gravity. If hook or slice, it isn’t nice...

In 1937, the renegade Communist Leon Trotsky (real name: Lev Bronstein) came to Mexico with his family and took up residence with the painter Diego Rivera and his wife Frida Kahlo. An affair developed between Trotsky and Kahlo, and Rivera demanded that Trotsky leave. Soon afterwards in his new residence...

A Man for Two Seasons by T.M. Moore I’m in a constant state of readiness for fall. For me, the perfect climate goes from winter straight to autumn, sans the stress of spring and allergies, and all the woes that come with summer's heat and sweat. Unless I’m off the...

  Fright and Flight The sleeping farm was bathed in soft moonlight. A quiet evening, peaceful and subdued; When suddenly a single bovine mooed And then a second answered from her right. The pastured herd of cows was huddled tight Against a fence where each had calmly chewed Its cud...

by Joe Tessitore and James A. Tweedie We are issuing a challenge to all poets to create poems that incorporate word homophones. Call it what you like, but we are calling it a Homophonic Poetry Challenge. Every poem should contain at least one perfect or near-perfect homophone. Puns, while not...

Faust Money ___________________________I sold my soul for silver. ___________________________In blood I signed my name. I soon enjoyed the benefits of wealth, success, and fame. ___________________________I sold my soul for silver. ___________________________The day came to collect, And I couldn’t pay with cash or with renown or with respect. ___________________________I sold my...

(All poetry by Bruce Dale Wise) Haiku by W. "Cured Eel" Sabi I came to the sea. I saw mountains of water. I conquered nothing. *** The fisherman drops his line with bated breath down to a certain depth. W. "Cured Eel" Sabi is a poet of Japan and the...

  His frame was gaunt, his income was erratic: The crowd ignored the writer high above Who wrote and brooded in his lonely attic, Starving for beauty, poetry and love. These days, although his Muse is rather quiet, The royalties and praises never cease. He's found his niche, but needs...

(Anapestic trimeter, in the vein of Edward Lear) On June 19, 2007, an official presentation took place of the document "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," published by the Pontifical Council concerning self-control when stuck in traffic.   Now Driving can be an ordeal; lord knows there are...

Love Song for a Grapefruit Dear Grapefruit, I of late have been untrue, Seduced by sweet confections of all sorts; My tastebuds languish, and my girth reports Unwanted gain from my neglect of you. The cakes, the cookies left me dull and slow; My sugar-ravaged tongue is all athirst. Now...

Investment Strategies At work we studied many charts and graphs With due attention to the bottom line, But had we dwelt upon our epitaphs We would have spent our days decanting wine. First published in The Flea.   Mosquitoes I’d gladly give a pint or two a year— extracted gently...

I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll never rake with noise, Or drive away God's tiny mole By blasting at his tunnel hole. I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll never scream my task, Or trample over village green, With monster-wicked shit machine. I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll...

Haiku   When a newborn cries, locked in a room by itself, does it make a sound?   Fog enshrouds the night. Woven in the heavy mist, a thread of fireflies.     In Time - a Limerick When a beautiful moment transpires, In the midst of the smoke and...

Bucket-Kicking Musings “Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” —Mark Twain When my mortal coil has shuffled off, I’ll not lie in the buff; I’ll rock a chic sarcophagus in sequins, pearls ‘n stuff. I’ll be looking bloody marvelous for one...

Gray I feel a certain loyalty to gray. Gray days, gray sweaters, cars - gray everything. Gray soothes and calms. It doesn’t boast, or fling itself before you like some shades do (they know who they are). Gray broods, as if to say, “Let’s wait and see. Don’t get excited,...

Faith I'm pond scum, someone said today. Some soup primordial, in a bay was struck by lightning. Oh, I see I'm wrought by electricity... then, look! it’s a bacterium who, in a deep delirium, decided he would rather be a worm that crawls out of the sea. From there it's...

https://youtu.be/Mgo1YAUIglg https://youtu.be/zhbwPHKXU-c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5XvAB3keVo&feature=youtu.be https://youtu.be/bFQnvh-pJ4Q

  From A Gallery of Ethopaths Ethopaths fear, as much as cancer, A straight, unvarnished, simple answer. They love the euphemistic chatter That clouds up an essential matter. Seeing things clearly and addressing Their substance with no elaborate dressing Strikes ethopaths as plain immoral. They’d rather take a dose of...

  The Teacher to His Students The traffic light turns green. Your car won’t budge. You’re either texting or completely blind. And when you do proceed, you’re slow as fudge. You’re still engrossed. We’ve come to know your kind. Or maybe you’re just walking down the street. The sidewalk’s safe...

A Haiku My mirror shatters and what most clearly matters remains to be seen.   You and Me Some sins do not offend Our Lord - in fact with mine, I think He’s bored. But sadly though, I must report that yours are of a different sort. They constitute the...

  The Woke Man’s Person’s Burden "Virtually no idea is too ridiculous to be accepted, even by very intelligent and highly educated people, if it provides a way for them to feel special and important. Some confuse that feeling with idealism." —Thomas Sowell Take up the Woke Man’s Person’s burden—...

Pablo Neruda on the Passing of Joseph Stalin by Wibele Escudar We must be men. That is the law that Joseph Stalin left. Sincere intensity and concrete clarity are best. He was the noon of man. Let us from this not be bereft. Let's bear these words with pride, all...