Humor

I recently discarded some unnecessary texts, and among them were two past editions (the 17th and the 20th) of Len Fulton’s Directory of Poetry Publishers. This venerable publication, from Dustbooks in California, has for decades been an indispensable resource for poets seeking to find possible places for their work. It...

  Dear Editor, My odes are grandiose and overblown With pudgy gluts of stodgy adjectives In floods of flabby babble prone to drone, All topped with tired, archaic additives. Forsooth, methinks the proof’s before your eyes, But, twixt these lines exists a masterpiece; A svelte and blithesome, lithe, linguistic prize...

  Domain of Pain A piercing migraine or a throbbing toothache, A splinter underneath a fingernail, An upset stomach caused by too much fruitcake, And waiting for responses in the mail Are typical examples of distress A person is expected to endure Within this agonizing wilderness Until his passage to...

  Mastering Magic Set the questing mind on fire with magic, Learn the ancient lore then follow through. Effortlessness must be automatic, Forcing sorcery will never do. Wizardry well done is wild—electric! Perseverance is your greatest tool. If the bones show through the flesh, it’s tragic. Practice. Practice. Practice. That’s...

  My Last Duchess The Duke of Ferrara recalls his last wife. by Robert Browning That's my last Duchess painted on the wall, Looking as if she were alive. I call That piece a wonder, now: Fra Pandolf's hands Worked busily a day, and there she stands. Will't please you...

  I. The rats infesting Kathmandu Airport Appear to co-exist in peace with man And have, it seems, since local time began, Been treated each like some great Juggernaut. Their teeming numbers give no pause for thought To thwart the airport staff: it seems they can Induce distinct responses other...

Better Stock Than You after Henry Lawson’s "Prouder Man Than You" by Beverly Stock Your tome of pride be shattered, I’m from better Stock than you. You don’t treat all as equals, And I think your heart’s untrue. Of course you think you're “brilliant,” All the writing that you do,...

The Argument: The Poet, having escaped the HellWard of European and corrupt politicians, emerges into the penultimate HellWard depth where he, with his guide, Dante, meets the Poetasters from America and Britain. These lost souls have denied Apollo and the real meaning and purpose of poetry. They have, thus, have...

  Tennyson thought it better “to have loved and lost, than…” Well, you know the rest. Of course this begs the question most of us can only guess. Is losing ever really good, or is this just poetic? I know when I have lost at love I’ve always felt pathetic....

Deep Regrets Dedicated to the memory of the 118 men of the Russian submarine Kursk, which exploded and sank in the Barents Sea on August 12th 2000. The protocols of men of power; Agendas passed in hiding. Procrastination steals the hour, Now there is none abiding. Unseen, forsaken in the...

  Vermont in April doesn’t seem to know quite how to dress. She thinks she ought to wear bright, flowery things, and yet, she cannot tear herself away from all the clothes that go with winter. Browns and grays become her so, those short, dark days. She knows she must...

"Winner: Humanitarian Award" Mugabe’s universally adored. He made his people multi-millionaires--- Zim dollars are the answer to their prayers. Champion of the poor, the sick, the old; A veritable knight of legends bold. The worn war-vets (of sixteen years and over) Provided for and landed in the clover. With bulldozers...

  The Back-to-Work Protesters Limerick by Mark F. Stone Our minders with power and pensions can rob our hopes, while the Fourth Estate calls us a "mob." They would be less scornful and also more mournful, if they were the ones who were out of a job.     Snitch...

  For England & St. George In praise let’s raise our flagons to the conqueror of dragons to the Saint who fought for all he thought was fair. Let’s fly our flags and bellow for that bold, courageous fellow with a stomping-monster tale beyond compare. Sent forth in times of...

  Golf My friends love golf so much But I do not share the allure. There’re many other ways for me To function like manure.     It’s Love Last night we watched old videos Our kids were 3 and 4 I told one son about it And he said...

Earth Day 2020 Poet's Note: April 22 is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day. Earth Day is an annual celebration on which events are held worldwide to demonstrate support for “environmental protection.” There is a long list of requirements for this year’s celebrations... some of us may be taking part...

Mayor Rules Chocolatier "Essential Business" by Mark F. Stone Our craving for chocolate is serious. Deny us and we will be furious. Withholding confections could alter elections for mayors in ways deleterious.     The I’m Angry Blues by James A. Tweedie I’m angry at the President. I’m angry at...

  Tongues Spin and Weave Tongues spin and weave their sophistry, a slick and silken tapestry, from golden throne and ivory tower and each elitist seat of power through labyrinths of history. Such linguistic sorcery; such honey-spun chicanery is trickery that sweetens sour. __Tongues spin and weave. When syrup-dipped toxicity...

Costume Parties by Fiat? by Julian Woodruff ‘Round nearly vacant lots The cars grow fewer still. No traffic tied in knots, No malls in which to mill. The numbers in the market Are smaller day by day. The orders are to park it, Camped at our homes to stay. More...

  Dulcius Ex Asperis by Andrew Ross Invisible and terrible A virus stalks the land. It floats across the atmosphere And moves from man to man. A tickle in the throat perhaps, A muted sneeze to start. A dying gasp, The poisoned asp, It still remains as we depart. A...

  Time Is the Measure of Every Pleasure a coronavirus limerick by Mark F. Stone The State took a stand that we practice techniques to maintain our distance and clean till it squeaks. But can such a stance bring a halt to romance? Perchance we'll know more in about forty...

  Personae and scene: Vergil and Dante, somewhere in the mid-region of Hell. Dante: Honored Vergil, tell me where we’re going— It’s hard for me to take in what you’re showing Without some preparation. I can’t deal With shocking sights that make my blood congeal. Already I’m a quaking nervous...

  Chapter I Who sings of arms these days? Or even men? The seed of Adam’s tucked inside Eve’s apple, And sits not taking root—his defect’s been Apparent since equality’s long grapple. Poor Satan garners sympathy and tears: He was oppressed, a proletarian So cruelly cast from heaven’s privileged spheres...

    Battle of the Bib Emma was wearing a new autumn dress. Papa snapped on her bib, to prevent a mess— oatmeal was planned at her special request But a tranquil breakfast was not to be. She waved her teaspoon like a machete And yanked at the bib to...

  The Last Words from Her Phone The CCP (Chinese Communist Party) has done everything within their power to expunge Dr. Ai Fen's interview off the Internet, and now she herself is gone, the last message on her phone in Chinese: "a river, a bridge, a clock chime." Also disappeared...

Foolosophy I know that I know nothing more than you, for neither of us know a single thing of relevance; I opt not to accrue vast knowledge as the price is danger’s sting. All blissful days are built on ignorance, so I forego the chance to grow aware, maintaining vacant-brained...

  Don’t Get Caught The catfish and the trout hum different tunes, But both agree they love hot afternoons When no one wants to fish, when ponds and streams And rivers generate aquatic dreams That never end, and surely never end With either one, as evening shades descend, Dead-center on...

  Pestilence Killed Them by James Sale The Pestilence killed them So the Proverb said, And with that happy thought They laid down in their bed. The Pestilence killed them--- Who else could it be? They were not responsible: He came like destiny. The Pestilence killed them, Disease like death...

  Cruising down an LA freeway, hustling for a little leeway Passing many a rusted relic from Detroit's Plutonian shore. Hoping all would turn to see me, knowing all would want to be me Driving in my Beemer dreamy-eyed, contented to my core. With my canvas top popped open and...

Note: The Society of Classical Poets refers to the COVID-19 coronavirus as the CCP virus because the Chinese Communist Party’s coverup and mismanagement allowed the virus to spread throughout China and create a global pandemic.   Thirteen Famous Poems (Updated for the Quarantine) by Rob Crisell   Kilmer I think...

  Bill Butler made a shopping trip each Friday, to the town, Astride his silver bicycle he’d purchased for a crown; For this was many years ago when pace of life was slow And cars were deemed a luxury for Sunday drives, and show; Not meant for simple bachelors with...

by James A. Tweedie The form of the “brief” ordinarily consists of a couplet of anapestic tetrameter with the first soft beat of each line clipped off (x / xx / xx / xx /). The anapest, which functions very much like a dactyl, is meant to evoke a sense...

  Carmen Cygni, a Retourne She holds the sickle and the scythe, Dark clothed and hooded, glimpse of white. A dancer languorous but lithe, She stands between the day and night. Dark clothed and hooded glimpse of white, Peitho beguiles by danse charnelle. She calls defiant, but contrite As fears...

  Pearls of Wisdom in Times of Crisis by Susan Jarvis Bryant Pearl clutchers of the world, please take a breath: take time to breathe the balm of calm’s bouquet; let rasping gasps of anguish slip away--- not everything you hear is life or death. Pearl clutchers of the world,...

  He has spent a shower of hours obtaining power and glowers from bigwigs in Ukraine--- he’d minimize the drama and he’d be the next Obama if he only had a brain. “You’re a dog-faced pony-soldier!” is negative exposure; they’re words that taunt and shame--- he’d laugh it off and...

The Society of Classical Poets refers to the COVID-19 coronavirus as the CCP virus because the Chinese Communist Party’s coverup and mismanagement allowed the virus to spread throughout China and create a global pandemic.     Flatten the Curve by Rob Crisell “Flatten the curve,” they say to me. “Or...

  The blind poet awakes and feels his way Into the living room, where light of day Will find his daughters ready to preserve The words of truth and beauty that disturb His sleep, and roll forth from him like a spool Of thread that needs a needle to give...

  for Mark F. Stone and all his pets The duck has special properties: Like water off its back; If only we as humans could Perfect the duck’s dry knack. It’s not that water isn’t there Or ducks just cannot drown, But always buoyant in a storm, They’re always up...

  Candidatus Non Compos Mentis Joe lacks the humility To see the futility Of running for office While fighting senility. With growing pugnacity, He aims his mendacity At all who object to His clear incapacity. I hold it self-evident A nursing home resident Should not run for mayor, Much less...

  The Author He portrays a lonely figure In his cottage by the sea With his pencil and his paper and his dog. Gone his youthful verve and vigour But remaining in its lee Is the gift that soon will form his epilogue. With the ocean panorama Bathed in twilight’s...