Rachel’s Bawbee
Rachel: Chancellor Rachel Reeves who will present
His Majesty’s Government’s budget on Nov. 26, 2025
“ae bawbee”: Scottish phrase for a single halfpenny
NHS: National Health Service
OBR: Office for Budget Responsibility,
The only thing that Rachel had,
That Rachel had, that Rachel had,
The only thing that Rachel had
__Was ae bawbee.
’Twas hers ’cause HM Treasury
Extorted it from you and me
And gave it her incautiously
__In custody.
The doctors from the NHS
Came up to Rachel to express
Their philanthropic caringness
__As sweetly as can be:
“Though we’ve the skills to cure your ills,
We’ll take away your happy pills
Unless you’ll kindly pay our bills
__With your bawbee.”
Then the pipes piped in the brigadiers
Wi’ their muskets, nukes and shining spears
To drum upon her tender ears
__This, their stirring plea:
“Our hormones won’t wait any more;
We valiant lads are off to war,
So we’ll needs buy bombs and bullets for
__Your ae bawbee.”
Then came a clown dressed up with flair
In threadbare rags and crazy hair,
Like a beggar or a billionaire,
__And so bargained he:
“I are the master from the school;
I teaches children to be cool;
But you can buy a wiser fool
__With your bawbee.”
And then came forth a motley band
Of neighbours from throughout the land
Approaching her with outstretched hand
__Imploringly
For pensions, sickness pay, outdoor
Relief and bread to feed the poor
And children’s benefits and more
__From her bawbee.
Now Rachel cannot be reproved
For flintiness; for she was moved
To seek how all could be improved
__And thus responded she:
“With all your charms my heart’s in thrall;
I’m mad in Love with one and all;
I’ll go buy sweets for great and small
__With my bawbee.”
But her mother and the OBR
Jumped in her bedroom door to bar
__And cried,
_“You’ll not be going far
__With your bawbee.
Whatever foolish vows you’ll make,
Your promises are ours to break.
Shut up your purse for virtue’s sake
__With your bawbee.”
Poet’s Note: Based on Jenny’s Bawbee by Alexander Boswell (1775-1822) and written to fit the traditional tune first published by Archibald Duff (c.1770-1840). A variety of performances of the arrangement by Franz-Joseph Haydn (1732-1809), with Boswell’s words, can be readily found on YouTube.
HM Treasury: His Majesty’s Treasury, a magical empty box created by King Henry I of England in 1126
Morrison Handley-Schachler is a retired Chartered Public Finance Accountant and Lecturer in Accounting. He has a doctorate in Ancient History and has published articles on ancient Persian history, accounting history, financial crime, auditing and financial risk management. He lives in South Queensferry, on the outskirts of Edinburgh, Scotland.
Morrison, as I was reading this flaunting strut with so much Scots, I thought, “I must ask the poet if he has a particular tune in mind.” Thanks for anticipating the question. There’s music to the piece indeed, but not much jingling of coin!
Thank you very much for your comment, Margaret. The music and Boswell’s original, with its memorable lines and characters, such as the soldier “Wi’ skull ill-lined, but back weel-clad,” were as much an inspiration as our current Chancellor.
Margaret likely referring to Jinglin’ Geordie humming this on his way to work. Funny and well told, Morrison. Please give us more.
Thanks, James, I will seek to publish more in the near future. It will be remembered that Jinglin’ Geordie (George Heriot), the Scottish goldsmith noted for his generosity and foundation of George Heriot’s school, made much of his fortune from the personal extravagance of Anne, Queen consort of James VI and I of Scotland and England. Maybe there is a lesson there.
Very entertaining. A large proportion of my kin hail from Scotland (Glasgow). Sadly, I am led to believe that many are likely to be supporters of Rachel Reeves. Perhaps this poem can open some eyes.
Thank you for your comment Warren. Rachel’s supporters might be in a bit of a minority in the UK as a whole. It seems that Rachel’s largesse is in large part to be funded by freezing tax thresholds for many years, which means that people on modest earnings will be more heavily affected, relative to their income, than people on high earnings, but wealth creation does not seem to be a priority for the present government.
In mitigation, Chancellor of the Exchequer is a bit of a poison chalice. That said, when you’ve nowt but two farthings to rub together, no one’s likely to be happy.
Thanks for an entertaining, truly satirical piece, Morrison, from Rebus country.
Thanks, Paul. I agree, it’s not a job that I would like to do. Of course, everyone would like everyone else to contribute more farthings.
Morrison, I enjoyed reading your poem and learned something in the process. I also caught up to your Nostalgia Challenge poem today and commented on how well done that was about the crown/half crown.
Thanks for both your comments. I’m glad you enjoyed reading both. I also had fun writing them.
This is a clever piece, true to the traditions of great poetry. It is timely, incisive, and gives a few good laughs (the clown’s appearance and discourse was my favorite scene). Your adaptation of an eighteenth-century piece and faithfulness to the political satire of that period makes this a worthy standard-bearer of a living British tradition.
Thanks for your appreciation, Adam. I’m glad you enjoyed reading it. The characters and their pleas were fun to write and partly inspired by Boswell’s, while Rachel’s response is rather different from the original Jenny’s. Satire is a great tradition which should be maintained.
I don’t pretend to know much of anything about British politics, but now that I’ve gotten a taste of it, it reminds me of some of chicanery, hypocrisy and mendacity that goes on all the time in the marmoreal halls of our federal and state seats of government in the USA. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Most of us here are pleased to have inherited a proclivity and a knack with respect to writing and reading poetry, but less pleased with our inheritance of Anglo-Saxon pigheaded recalcitrance, and it’s no use blaming the Danes.
A belated Happy Thanksgiving, C.B. Maybe these political vices are something that the Romans left behind for us to pick up when we Anglo-Saxons (and Scots) arrived. The UK is also plagued with unelected quangos, the Office for Budget Responsibility included, who are often effectively charged with making policy, which is supposed to the job of our elected MPs and Councillors. I am led to understand that in the USA at least those in charge are largely elected and answerable to the people.
For sure, You have it worse than We do, for the time being, at least.
Then let’s just call it the Roman Disease. I’m not sure what “quangos” are, but I’m sure they’re less pleasant than mangos. Everybody’s got a Deep State somewhere.
Perhaps the Roman Disease is the appropriate term. A quango is a quasi-autonomous national governmental body (sometimes construed as quasi-autonomous non-governmental body but this does not accurately reflect their status), also referred to in the UK as a Non-Departmental Public Body. They are essentially unelected groups of people who are given powers and authority, sometimes well-defined and sometimes not, to supervise or regulate what everyone, including the government does. The doctors’ happy pills, for example, will have to be approved by the National Institute for Healthcare and Excellence (NICE) and the clown schoolmaster might have to brace himself for a visit from the Office for Standards in Education (Ofsted). Although the term was first coined in the 20th century, quangos have been around for a very long time and some of them do necessary work, including the oldest, the National Audit Office, with roots going back to the Auditor of the Exchequer, known to exist in Scotland in 1314. Others, such as the Metropolitan Board of Works (“Metropolitan Board of Perks”) in 19th Century London became notorious for incompetence and corruption or for providing jobs for the boys for associates of whichever party is in power.