Rachel’s Bawbee
Rachel: Chancellor Rachel Reeves who will present
His Majesty’s Government’s budget on Nov. 26, 2025
“ae bawbee”: Scottish phrase for a single halfpenny
NHS: National Health Service
OBR: Office for Budget Responsibility,
The only thing that Rachel had,
That Rachel had, that Rachel had,
The only thing that Rachel had
__Was ae bawbee.
’Twas hers ’cause HM Treasury
Extorted it from you and me
And gave it her incautiously
__In custody.
The doctors from the NHS
Came up to Rachel to express
Their philanthropic caringness
__As sweetly as can be:
“Though we’ve the skills to cure your ills,
We’ll take away your happy pills
Unless you’ll kindly pay our bills
__With your bawbee.”
Then the pipes piped in the brigadiers
Wi’ their muskets, nukes and shining spears
To drum upon her tender ears
__This, their stirring plea:
“Our hormones won’t wait any more;
We valiant lads are off to war,
So we’ll needs buy bombs and bullets for
__Your ae bawbee.”
Then came a clown dressed up with flair
In threadbare rags and crazy hair,
Like a beggar or a billionaire,
__And so bargained he:
“I are the master from the school;
I teaches children to be cool;
But you can buy a wiser fool
__With your bawbee.”
And then came forth a motley band
Of neighbours from throughout the land
Approaching her with outstretched hand
__Imploringly
For pensions, sickness pay, outdoor
Relief and bread to feed the poor
And children’s benefits and more
__From her bawbee.
Now Rachel cannot be reproved
For flintiness; for she was moved
To seek how all could be improved
__And thus responded she:
“With all your charms my heart’s in thrall;
I’m mad in Love with one and all;
I’ll go buy sweets for great and small
__With my bawbee.”
But her mother and the OBR
Jumped in her bedroom door to bar
__And cried,
_“You’ll not be going far
__With your bawbee.
Whatever foolish vows you’ll make,
Your promises are ours to break.
Shut up your purse for virtue’s sake
__With your bawbee.”
Poet’s Note: Based on Jenny’s Bawbee by Alexander Boswell (1775-1822) and written to fit the traditional tune first published by Archibald Duff (c.1770-1840). A variety of performances of the arrangement by Franz-Joseph Haydn (1732-1809), with Boswell’s words, can be readily found on YouTube.
HM Treasury: His Majesty’s Treasury, a magical empty box created by King Henry I of England in 1126
Morrison Handley-Schachler is a retired Chartered Public Finance Accountant and Lecturer in Accounting. He has a doctorate in Ancient History and has published articles on ancient Persian history, accounting history, financial crime, auditing and financial risk management. He lives in South Queensferry, on the outskirts of Edinburgh, Scotland.
