.
So Close By
At one point I was told that I
Was purposely created by
Some perfect being in the sky
Who watches as I live and die.
If that was true, I wondered why
When perched atop His throne up high
He’d let creation go awry;
I asked Him but got no reply.
I started helpless, so I’ll die
But in between, I thought that I
Was one who somehow could defy
My impulse to self-glorify.
If He was perfect, why was I
Impure in ways that horrify
In ways that I could not deny,
I asked again without reply.
I’m humbled now and find that I
Can hear His whispers so close by
And see Him here in my mind’s eye
Not miles away and way up high.
So, when it’s I that I deny
And Him upon which I rely
I know He hears each tiny sigh;
It breaks His heart each time I cry.
Yes, when it’s I I nullify
And Him on high I glorify
I’m cleansed through grace and will not die,
An unearned gift I cannot buy.
.
.
Warren Bonham is a private equity investor who lives in Southlake, Texas
Amen, Brother… amen.
Saved by grace we’re not alone for we’ve earned a heavenly home.
Hello Warren,
This poem contains not only a meaningful and beautiful message, but the writing style is excellent. It is so hard to write monorhyme and to maintain the message without stumbling. You also did it in perfect meter. I like the use of repetition in this poem as well. It makes the message succinct. I will make one suggestion. In the last stanza, the first line, you might add a comma between the “I I”. It would only slow the reader slightly to understand the impact of the word “I”.
This is an excellent piece with an eternal message.
Robert
I am a rank amateur and really appreciate the feedback. I can definitely see what you mean the more I look at the text.
Keep writing Warren.
Robert
A beautiful and truthful poem Warren. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Well done. A monorhyme! Nice bouncy rhythm. The only place that I stumbled when reading was the double I in the last stanza.
A nice mono-rhyming poem, Warren, which is a hard thing to pull off.
Though I don’t mind a double “I” in principle, Pippa, in this case it should have been “Yes, when it’s me I nullify” to preserve proper grammar, but I think the author wished to emphasize the first person nominative singular even though the objective case was called for technically.
Warren, I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Zimmerman, your poem does indeed hold an eternal message… a beautiful, notable, much needed one. Monorhyme is a tough task master and you have embraced it with skill… it works well. Lovely!
Wow, a very impressive poem on the subject of I!
Since the title of the poem brings in the rhyme scheme and sets the tone for the narrative of the relationship between the speaker and his Creator in the first person singular, I was very pleased to see the double I in the first line of the last stanza. Among other effects it creates the Roman numeral 2 which I think is very fitting for the conclusion of this poem. I love this poem, thank you.