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The Knucklehead Defense
If you’ve implied that you have fought in war,
but meant your statements more as metaphor
designed so you’ll appear to be less lame,
the Knucklehead Defense will clear your name.
If you are ever charged with DUI,
and you’re a Democrat then you can lie.
There is no need to prove your innocence.
Instead, just use the Knucklehead Defense.
If you’ve repeated time and time again
you saw the massacre at Tiananmen
but you were clearly somewhere else instead,
say “Knucklehead” to whitewash what you said.
If you have stated that you had your kid
by using IVF but never did
to score a point against a hated foe,
say “Knucklehead” and we’ll just let it go.
When Democratic lies become immense,
and their excuses don’t make any sense,
the members of the press must all be dense,
since they accept the Knucklehead Defense.
.
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The Meme Machine
One leader throws words in the air,
then plucks them one by one with care
to create with apparent ease,
brand new word salad recipes.
She worked with Biden every day,
and heard the nonsense he would say,
but couldn’t tell that he’d declined
since he still had the sharper mind.
Her brain is now unburdened by
the rules of logic that apply
to normal folk, like those of us
not spellbound by each yellow bus.
We see from all her laugh attacks,
her train of thought has jumped its tracks,
perhaps caused by an injury
when coconuts fell from a tree.
She calls upon her inner-Venn
and then gets fascinated when
she sees where circles intersect,
which shows her grade-school intellect.
We’ve also witnessed her great skill
at changing back and forth at will.
She is both hard and soft on crime
and Border Czar, some of the time.
She’ll either give us funny memes,
or four years of nightmarish dreams,
since each new salad recipe
could bring laughs or catastrophe.
.
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Warren Bonham is a private equity investor who lives in Southlake, Texas.
You’ve made my day, Warren – 2 of the richest satire-sources in the limelight, and you’ve nailed their most significant flaws wonderfully. Nice job, and thanks –
I’m glad you could tell highly flawed individuals these poems were about!
Those are great takes that resonate with me and hopefully the voting populace! “The Knucklehead Defense” is a fitting description of the fables foisted upon us that are defend by the knuckleheads, themselves. I have no need to guess the intended target of your second poem, which you impale with a flourish. These were fun to read while contemplating the seriousness that is the subtext and lies behind the false screens set to mislead the public. Well done!
I have a feeling that if you or I tried the Knucklehead Defense, it wouldn’t work quite as well.
These are both very funny and very observant poems, Warren. And they come just in time. I hope and pray others recognize the truth of your insights.
This is a big week. We haven’t had as stark a contrast between the 2 possible outcomes in my lifetime. Four years of consuming word salad daily will be difficult to digest.
Timely topics, Warren. Both poems have that necessary little extra that gives weight to a satire of the moment, namely, a more thoughtful ending. The first poem’s final quatrain on a single rhyme is an excellent summary, laying blame for continued knucklehead defenses where it belongs, with the press. The second poem, in actuality, has yet to conclude, but you lightheartedly give a warning by pointing out horror-humor possibilities.
I’m glad the ending of each hit home with you! Unfortunately, I think that catastrophe is much more likely than having a few funny memes if we get the wrong outcome.
Both are fantastic, Warren. I like how you use “Knucklehead Defense” in the last line of each stanza to reinforce the message.
He has many well-documented flaws, but he does possess a certain folksy, Midwestern charm. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had smiled, called himself a Knucklehead, and extricated himself from many difficult spots throughout his checkered past. When you find a formula that works, you might as well stick with it.
Smooth and clever and funny. I especially liked the second stanza of “Meme Machine,” and your witty observation that Kamala “couldn’t tell that he’d declined/since he still had the sharper mind.” Great stuff to help give pause to my gloom these days, many thanks.
The line that you reference follows very careful logical reasoning. She keeps sticking to the script when it comes to Joe’s cognitive decline. Since his decline is obvious to everyone but her, she is either lying or she is too impaired to have noticed. Since we know she is too morally virtuous to lie, she must be even more cognitively impaired than Joe is.
I’m hoping it won’t be a gloomy week for you.
Great (and needed) comedy, Warren! Thank you!
Great satire, Warren, but did you have to insult the intellect of grade-schoolers?
I’m pretty sure their natural intellect is OK. It just doesn’t get developed and enriched anymore in the schools.