.
We Must Invest
in Self-Investigation
__If past mistakes were soft cupcakes
____to scoff at and reject
and so avoid the drill of mending toothaches,
__If all the try-out greeds of youth
____were but a crumb of sugar
to be brushed off from behind a tooth,
__If all our fails were puffed lamb’s tails
____that blissed pains into clouds
and pulled wool into smiles of rainbow trails,
__If all the marks that we have missed,
____the targets passed beside,
now arced like leaping popcorn, cosmos-kissed,
__to lick life’s screen that’s super-wide,
__If all our praying on stiff legs
____or pleads on bending knees
had given us—not the truth prayer begs—
__but creamy soothings meant to please,
What Knowledge would we have to lift our strength?
____What cup could we hold high,
sporting life-rich gold above our head
____with arms at ease, at length?
We must consume our faults, our fails, our gaffs—
our tears are on the table with our laughs—
__to choose from beach-long smorgasbords
the acred seascapes mapping what to ask
__to launch our grand world-surfing boards
towards the swell our ignorance affords
__to jump our next heart-mountain task.
.
.
Damian Robin is a writer and editor living in the United Kingdom.
This is an interesting poem with some very nice diction (“that blissed pain into clouds,” “creamy soothings,” “the acred seascapes mapping”). And the meter is well handled, if unusual.
My only objection is to the title. Never tell the reader what he MUST do. Poetry isn’t a Sunday school where lessons are taught. Good poems generally avoid what I call the three miseries (meaning, message, and moral), and concentrate their force in the suggestions of language and rhetoric. A reader can always dismiss or contradict a direct statement telling him to do something. It’s much harder for him to do that with well-polished language.
And to pre-empt the anticipated objections: Yes, I agree that some poems do make use of meanings, messages, and morals. I just think that, like one’s private parts, it’s best to keep them covered up most of the time.
Nicely put, Joe, I will take on board your direction for the future.
And thank you for your positives in your first paragraph.
Remarkable! And imagistically, such an unusual invitation to an examination of conscience. In fact, Damian, your means of expression go further than that, because you actually demonstrate with amusing metaphors the trivializing excuses a person is likely to make for his faults. And not only for acknowledged failings, but for mistakes or omissions that could have arisen from ignorance or carelessness (“targets passed beside”). The “beach-long smorgasbord” of items to investigate, with an ocean of little things to adjust or correct, is a most entertaining method of describing general confession to acquire self-knowledge and strength. It suggests the seriousness of the endeavor, and pokes fun at the childish pickiness of those who might refuse (balking at every single question!) because “no one tells me what to do.” Anyone who sincerely says that is a divorced high-school drop-out in jail. Good prospectus for a promising investment, Damian!
Thank you, Margaret, for your deep and perceptive remarks that keep the levity of the poem in mind.
One minor point — in the seventh strophe, the word should be “gaffes.” The word “gaffs” refers a certain kind of fishing hook.
Thank you, Joe, for pointing out my gaffe !
Great subject Damian, with fine imagery. Might just make some leaping popcorn tonight!
I hope you don’t disturb the neighbours, Russel.