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Winter Song
Hymen, Venus, Graces three,
_save me lest I wither
like some sap-sucked blasted tree;
Hymen, Venus, Graces three,
come and set my soul-song free:
_come, come here, come hither.
Hymen, Venus, Graces three,
_save me lest I wither.
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Triolet
I waited long to meet you,
and lo, today I did.
—Beneath a quiet sky-blue,
I waited long to meet you;
I spent the years I lived through
wond’ring where you were hid.—
I waited long to meet you,
and lo, today I did.
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Diego Calle is a poet and student at the University of Toronto.
These are good triolets, and I especially like the first one.
The classical references are very clear in this piece. Hymen is Marriage, Venus is Sex, and the Three Graces are the charms of Feminine Beauty. The poem is an elegant way of stating that one desires a passionate marriage with an attractive woman.
Perhaps its juxtaposition with the second triolet is a way of stating that the speaker’s wish has been granted.
A tricky form to master, in my life I think I might’ve written two or three of them. The touch is light here, and the voice is true.
Great stuff, Diego. I’m guessing the sap-sucked tree and the repetition of the word ‘come’ refer to masturbation and ejaculation – or is it just my mind! Anyway, very effective, and thanks to Joe for his explanatory post above.
I love the second triolet. Shades of Wordsworth and the Lucy poems. In the sixth line my reading was clunky. Removing the word ‘were’ made it scan better (for me, anyway), even at the sacrifice of a syllable.
Would you believe, an hour before I read your work, I wrote my second or third ever triolet (about spring, for a competition)? Weird coincidence.
Your a skilled poet, Diego. It’s an A+ from me.
The “Winter Song” is a truly magical example of a triolet, with repetends serving as a spell or charm to achieve a result with the help of those invoked. It’s one of the very best I’ve read.
I agree with Paul that the word “were” in line 6 of “I waited long to meet you” can make the rhythm uncomfortable. You need the syllable only if you insist on stressing “you.” But you have the three stresses that are really necessary in
WOND’ring WHERE you HID. And you avoid pressing your reader to ignore the two lengthy sounds of “ring” and “where” in “WOND’ring where YOU were HID.”
If you do want the appearance of another syllable, I’d say spell out “Wondering” when you omit “were.” This word is normally pronounced “Wond’ring” by many poetry readers. The little “der” that could affect the meter is easy to overlook.
Very nice triolets, Diego. I especially like lines five and six of the first poem, and the hither/thither rhymes.
Fine work, especially in this form. The formal requirements of repetition demand a ruthlessly efficient use of the words selected. You’ve done marvelously in both triolets, bringing out the musicality inherent in the form. Please produce more of these!