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Poet Paul A. Freeman challenges you to write a nursery rhyme in the style of the Mother Goose classic “Jack and Jill.” Below is his model example. Post yours in the comments below.
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Nigel Neath
Nigel Neath lost all his teeth
Through eating too much candy;
He threw his toothbrush in the bin
And thought it rather dandy.
But now he cannot chew his food,
Or else his gums get tender,
So everything he wants to eat,
His mum puts in the blender.
Originally published in Kuwait This Month
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Post yours in the comments section below!
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A cricket came to visit me.
He just would not stop chirping.
A puddle sat beside the door,
so he began ‘a slurping.
I tried real hard to make him leave.
He said to me, “Heck no!”
And now he chirps there all night long,
can’t wait to see him go.
I enjoyed the simple and well known scenario behind this nursery rhyme.
And a cautionary tale against those who talk too much.
Mark and Joan
Mark and Joan each got a phone
To keep up with each other.
Mark played games and went insane,
And Joan went home to Mother.
Mark went woke and also broke
And didn’t seem to notice.
Joan got wise, to fame did rise;
And that’s poetic justice.
I love how well used literary devices blend unnoticed…I missed those J’s in the original. I should have made it John and Jill to maintain the alliteration.
Bill and Babs done took the jabs,
Believing that they oughta,
They’d been misled, now they’re both dead,
No longer fetchin’ water.
Their young son Bill now hates the hill,
While Ellie-May, their daughter,
Climbs up the hill for Babs and Bill
To keep on fetchin’ water.
Thank you for this. I laughed out loud.
Thank you for commenting Gigi. Glad I made you laugh.
A controversial topic, but then so were some of the early nursery rhymes – like Wee Willie Winkie.
Lack of sleep made Buford weep.
He had no flock to number.
Little lambs, where have you gone?
For Buford needs his slumber.
Out, along the lake, we went
To play beside the willow.
Buford did not shut the gate,
And now, he needs no pillow.
Poor old Buford. As with many nursery rhymes, this is a cautionary tale.
PLUCKY GOOSE
Plucky Goose is on the loose.
What will Plucky find?
Wandered here and wandered there,
Then plucked a boys behind.
Plucky Goose snipped his caboose,
He could not move much faster.
Jumped a rail to save his tail
Avoiding sheer disaster.
Those geese have a hell of a nip on them – and teeth!
DOWN AMONG THE CATTAILS
Down among the cattails
Hiding among the reeds
Where the tadpoles dally,
Fishies come to feed.
Dragon flies are wary.
Mosquitoes are having fun
While quickly disappearing
On the froggy’s tongue.
I love the imagery, especially since kids aren’t as attached to nature as they used to be.
Not really a nursery rhyme but here goes nothin’.
Sweet Minnie Pearl, a country girl
Who liked to say, “Doggoneit!”
The hat she wore—fresh from the store—
Still had the price tag on it.
The Grand Ole Opry was where she
Performed for common folks.
For a long while she made folks smile,
And laughed at her own jokes.
Good ole Minnie Pearl. I like the way, in so few words, it feels like you know her.
Lucy Locket launched a rocket,
Kitty Fisher aimed it —
The rocket’s speed? They couldn’t clock it,
And the heavens claimed it.
A good introduction to rocket science 101, Joe. Escape velocity explained.
This one isn’t in the same form as Jack and Jill, but it’s from my own “Rhyming Maxims for Today,” published here 9/26/2023:
Martin Luther broke away
From the Catholic Church one day,
Yet was surprised when, on a whim,
His followers broke away from him!
Kip, you’ve broken the ice. Here goes:
Jack and Jill went up the hill —
Each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two-fifty
(They didn’t go up for water).
Oh, dear. One from my stepfather:
Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard
to fetch poor Rover a bone.
When she bent over, Rover came over
And gave her a bone of his own.
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Hilarious, Joseph !
An enterprising,young lady!
Enjoyed your sense of frivolity.
‘‘Twas time to change the clocks that night.
Tom climbed the chair to set them right.
It was quite late. His brain was dead.
So, “Spring right back and fall ahead!”
He rose next morn, to church was bound,
But couldn’t find a soul around.
On Monday, he went into work.
The watchman said, “Go home, ya berk!”
I like it, especially with the milder than it could have been final word.
Living near the equator, the daylight hours don’t vary much throughout the year, so the clocks stay the same.
I’m not reading this one to the kids!
Great stuff. Shows that adults still connect with nursery rhymes, even X-rated ones.
A DOG’S PERSPECTIVE
I’d love to drive a Cadillac.
I think they’re very civil.
My friends would wave a paw at me,
The Hound of Coupe de Ville.
By chance my favorite singing group
Is called the Irish Rovers.
I’d love to practice songs with them
While running through the clovers.
Of course, my favorite TV show
Is bound to bring some moans.
Perhaps you guessed the name of it.
That’s right, it’s titled, “Bones.”
The movie that I like the most,
The one I give a woof,
Just makes me happy thinking of
“Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.”
I had a friend the other day
Who said he stole the show.
He visited a Flea Circus
And quickly had to go.
Poet Note: This is a little longer than the model, but I hope this is OK.
Bobby Shaftoe’s gone to sea,
Silver buckles at his knee —
He’d better come back and marry me,
That goddamned Bobby Shaftoe!
Bobby Shaftoe’s fat and fair,
Combing back his yellow hair —
He’s filled my belly with his heir,
That goddamned Bobby Shaftoe!
THE CAT IN THE FIDDLE
Hey diddle, diddle begins the riddle:
What’s making that screeching sound?
They looked around and then they found
The cat was stuck in the fiddle.
The cow had to shudder, someone pulled her udder.
She thought that she would swoon.
The little dog cried when the cow kicked his side,
And made him fly over the moon.
MR, FROG AND MR. TOAD
Mr. Frog told Mr. Toad,
“I can make more noise than you.”
Mr. Toad told Mr. Frog,
That’s not a wise thing to do.”
Mr. Frog croaked loudly
As an audience came to gawk.
Mr. Toad saw Mr. Frog
In the talons of a hawk.
MY PERFECT PET
I remember in the seventies
I found the perfect pet.
It did not cost a lot.
I think I have him yet.
He came with full instructions
In a tiny little box.
The name I gave was Mr. Stone
For he was my pet rock.
Roy, Exquisite…I like fed pet rocks..
Thanks for the memories!
Ohrbach’s
THE VILLAGE SMITHY
Under the spreading chestnut tree
The Village Smithy stood.
He had an axe to chop it down.
He needed the chestnut wood.
The birdies in the chestnut tree
All began to shout.
They dropped some chestnuts on his head
And knocked the Smithy out.
Now this is one kids could get behind.
LITTLE BOY BLUE
Little Boy Blue
Come blow your horn.
The sheep’s in the meadow,
The cows in the corn.
That night I found
Little Boy Blue
Was making some homemade
Tasty beef stew.
This is not the vegan edition!
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Mary had a little lamb
That was not very good.
It always ran away from her
To hide in the neighborhood
Mary had a little lamb.
She cooked it very good.
She put mint jelly on it,
Like everybody should.
That second version will have the kids crying, methinks.
Here’s one I did over the summer:
Laura Luggs
Laura Luggs, ate garden slugs
And one day she said: “Blimey!
My eyes are on the ends of stalks,
My skin has gone all slimy.”
It now takes hours to get to school,
At sport she is no winner,
And when she eats, she has to check
No salt is on her dinner.
It’s Saturday evening…what the heck.
Mary had a little lamb,
Its father was a sheep.
That sidled up behind her once,
When she was fast asleep.
Little boy blue has lost his horn,
Looks like his libido’s upped and gorn.
I’m not reciting these to any kids!!!! Thanks for the input, Jeff.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack came back, and so did Jill
But in her arms a daughter.
Gossips tell us what they did
When they were at the torrent—
To repeat, my mores forbid.
You get the drift, I warrant.
Stop! I shall not say a thing.
Quite useless is your pleading—
Let me add, Jack bought a ring,
And that was in good breeding.
I love a happy ending, Patrick!
You’re welcome. I chuckled about the happy ending.
I love your poem, Mr. Freeman. Although I am late, here’s something I came up with inspired by your piece.
A Lesson
Clinton Clyde was very snide
Towards his new schoolmaster.
He’d jibe him, “Slaphead Shawn!” and shoot
Him with an airsoft blaster.
The master brought a cobra once,
Tied Clinton with this creature,
And warned, “Don’t ever dare to nark
A low-paid, mid-school teacher!”
Nicely done, Shamik.
Polly put the tv on
Polly put the tv on
We’ll all hear the news.
Polly turn it off now please
Polly turn it off now please
We’ve all been screwed.
Ha! Now THAT’S a damned good contemporary nursery rhyme!
Thank you! Your comment and approval is really appreciated
especially so at this time of so much sadness and grief in the world.
Hear, hear! Good one, Mia.
This is definitely a modern nursery rhyme.
Acorn
I’m trying hard not to hoard,
Acorn fallen down with the fall.
I was out like the day,
Night played away.
Did the wind knock and say,
‘Try hard not to sneeze,
Acorn will knock on your knees.’
I can’t take that.
Jab and Jab We Use the Hurt
The Cries and Price Our Offer
Just for Dreams
All Land has Creeds
And Just Chance to Alter
Martin and Malcolm could not agree
on the best course of action.
Martin marched down streets of Birmingham, but Malcolm had a different passion.
Malcolm was right when he said fight,
but Martin was also right too,
when he had a dream for all to be seen
as equal regardless of hue.
Humpty numpty sat on the wall
Humpty numpty felt ten foot tall,
first, left leg on the left
and right leg on the right,
then left leg on the right
and right leg on the left,
his poor little neck rotated
until his sorry ass -dislocated.