Persona
Assume a work identity, conform
And hide behind an urban harlequin,
Conceal the tattoo beneath a uniform,
Desert yourself and cloak the genuine.
The Greeks devised a rich formality,
Dramatic masks of frozen mirth and gloom.
A shaman’s rites in anonymity
Demand an alien spiritual costume.
Conceive of cyberspace as open doorways
Between the real and virtual creations.
See one as playing a role—tentative forays
Of the mind, avoiding real perceptions,
Leaving a self that may be odious
To seek another restless self—as Janus.
Norman L. Hills is a retired software engineer.
Norman, I like your rhymes, particularly the ending with “odious” and “Janus.” Your subject and message are well thought out and considered. I may be the least one to comment on meters and counts, but this sonnet for me could have been a perfect 10 count. I have some suggestions. I do not know how you take criticism, but if you want to delete my comments, you may request the Moderator delete mine in response.
1. Line 2: I would replace the comma with a period. I also would have period after uniform in line 3.
2. Line 3: (Extra count) I would delete “the” before tattoo and add an “s” to tattoos.
3. Line 8: (Two counts) I would delete “ual” from spirit”ual” and leave just “spirit.”
4. Line 9: (Extra count) I would delete “of” and reverse the first two words to “Conceive cyberspace.”
5. Line 10: (Extra count) I would delete “the” after “Between.”
6. Line 11: (Two extra counts) a.) I would delete “as” after See one… b.) Change “tentative” to a two-syllable count synonym like “iffy.”
7. Line 14: (Extra count) This could be accomplished by replacing “another” with something like “one’s own.”