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Limericks for Lame Cowboys
A cowboy who came from Seattle,
Had a habit of disturbing cattle.
__The horse made a jump.
__He fell on his rump,
And now he can’t ride in the saddle.
The cowboy was brave and had pluck.
The rodeo horse could sure buck.
__The cowboy was thrown
__Like a plane that was flown;
His head kicked by horseshoes for luck.
The rodeo clown had no fear.
He kissed the bull right on the ear.
__The bull took exception
__And changed his complexion—
The clown could not eat for a year.
.
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Polly’s Man, Dandy Don
Polly was a Texas girl,
And deadly with a gun.
Dandy Don, her fiancé
Liked to have his fun.
Dandy Don was smooching elsewhere
In the candlelight.
Polly shot the lights all out.
He ran away in fright.
Dandy Don was gambling one night
In an old saloon.
Polly shot his ace of spades.
He could not leave too soon.
Dandy Don dallied in
A house of ill-repute.
Polly shot his windows out.
My how she could shoot!
Polly saw her dandy boy
Drinking in a dive.
Caught him there and shot his gut.
He scarcely was alive.
Dandy Don stays home these days.
He’s crippled from the bullet.
Polly said that if he left,
She would slit his gullet.
.
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LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 5,000 poems in 78 of his 101 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.
Loved the cowboy limericks.
Thank you, Phil.
Roy, I’m taking the cowboy limericks as a single poem about a guy who has to change occupations. When he can’t ride in the saddle and cowpunch, he goes into rodeo show business, where one need not stay in the saddle for long. I love the end of that venture: “His head kicked by horseshoes for luck.” He stays with the rodeo as a clown too brainless to fear, and ends up on disability payments and tube feeding. Cowboy moral: respect your horse! Even if you didn’t have my imagined narrative in mind, I’m sure you had fun with each of the limericks.
Dandy Don has a similar fate, in your killer poem showing that Texas girls like Polly don’t put up with the usual activities enjoyed by dandies. I really enjoyed this fiction as favoring gun ownership. Polly achieves so much with hers, despite never using it in a lethal manner. The final threat to Don is what any wife might do with a kitchen knife!
Margaret, your imagined narrative of the results is all too likely! I did have fun writing it. Mercy! “Poor” Dandy Don may be close to the truth, as well. Cheating on a wife does not pay. My conclusion and I am sticking with it. The unspoken thought is the number of times we need forgiveness and how some in relationships will take action to preserve that relationship.
I enjoyed the rodeo limericks immensely, and was bit by the muse.
Mercy me!
Roy, these poems are a hilarious slice of a state one dare not mess with! The limericks made me laugh out loud. As for Polly and Dandy Don, that’s one heck of a story. He’s lucky to be alive! Thanks for the laugh!
Your comments are always greatly appreciated! The cost of forgiveness can be a high price!
Thanks for the smiles! Cowboys are America’s trademark, I’d say. Cowboy lore (like country music) often speaks big truths with half-hidden humor.
Great comment, Hari! Well appreciated!
Roy, what fun! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the Texas vibe… your lines have me smiling. They have also let me know how far I’ve come in getting to grips with Texas life… cowboys pushing shopping trolleys in supermarkets, clowns at rodeos (I had no idea of the perilous role of a clown), mutton busting, pig wrestling, barrel racing! Wow!
An amusing aside: “Cowboy” in the UK means a third-rate builder. The only healers we know are spiritual. One of the first conversations I witnessed upon arrival from England was Mike talking to a cowboy who happened to be a heeler. We quickly realized we were not speaking a common language.
Roy, thank you for the smiles and the memories.
I can imagine your culture shock moving from the UK to Texas. I spent a two-week vacation in the UK, rented a car and had to drive on the opposite side of the road for beginners. I also attended a security conference in London as a Pentagon Military Intelligence representative and briefly met with MI-6 in Whitehall on some occasions. Then I roamed the streets of London noting all the differences and learning a little bit of the culture such as the pubs and language. An American General friend of mine and his wife were shocked when a UK diplomat said he would knock them up! I appreciate the kind comments and am so glad you loved the humor.
Funny! I laughed out loud. Thanks for these.
Thank you, Joshua! I appreciate you sharing that!