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The Shepherd God
On Autumn eves when solipsistic stars
__Peer down on bloody, towering oaks
Whose gnarled, twisted branches create bars
__Encaging man in Fortune’s spokes,
When groaning wind rustles through sloping eaves
__To make one wonder why she grieves
Despair parades these things before my eyes
__Dungeoning the world with gloom,
Obscuring heaven’s vivifying skies
__To seal creation like a tomb.
All this provokes a creeping wretched thought;
__Perhaps we all are damned to rot.
I dare not let those words roll off my tongue,
__But the Wolf-Prince scents weakening sheep.
Could my sin-stained self cling as Jacob clung
__Until I reach that blessed sleep?
Or must my soul be smothered by decay;
__Will I, silly lamb, go astray?
Yet I belong to Him: the shepherd God,
__Who clutched me to His jealous breast,
Who made me clean through His own gore, Who trod
__With death so sinners may have rest.
This price was paid so His children would find
__That they might serve with quiet mind.
He bought us life on bloody, towering tree
__Brow crowned with gnarled, twisted thorns.
Nature is bound by cyclic entropy
__But I am free, for grace adorns
My soul. Lovingly named Christ’s holy child
__I find myself made undefiled.
.
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Jane Schulert is a high school student who currently resides in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
Keep up the good work, Jane. You’re very talented for your age.
Jane, this is a great poem with some choice words that are amazingly well-wrought and raise the poem to the highest levels of excellence. I am taken aback that one so young has such a scintillating command of the English language and of the structuring of such a poem of great worth both in the vividness portrayed and the depth of meaning.
Dear Jane,
This poem create images of striking contrast in my mind. The conclusion gave me joyful chills.
Your excellent command of language and theology have been put to verse with a sensitive heart. We need more poets with these gifts. Keep up your beautiful work.
Gigi
Hello,
Your words are deeply appreciated, and absolutely made my day. I hope you have an excellent rest of your day, thank you for taking the time to comment!
Jane, I love this line:
“Nature is bound by cyclic entropy
__But I am free, for grace adorns
My soul.”
The way it speaks to the Christian view of history as a linear narrative rather than as a mere circular pattern – on a personal as well as a universal level.
Thanks for a beautiful thought!
Hello,
That happens to be one of my favorite lines of the piece. It is also one of the lines I rewrote the most, so I am thankful it came out well. Thank you for your comment!
This poem shows amazing promise. The simple phrase “solipsistic stars” in the first line caught my attention immediately. And then the follow-up metaphor of oak tree branches as “Fortune’s spokes” was just as intriguing. But the creation of a strange new verb in “Dungeoning the world” was worthy of Francis Thompson.
Also, has anyone noticed that the poet uses “tree” in the last stanza in its antique sense of “wood” or “the cross”? A medieval poet might say “Christ Who died on tree,” and wooden platters in that period were said to be “treen” (i.e. made of wood). This usage hasn’t been heard in English since the 15th century. And she also repeats in the last stanza the adjectives “gnarled, twisted” to describe the crown of thorns — adjectives that were used in the first stanza to describe oak branches. This is a significant device for closure.
And despite the hearkening back to past language, the poet can also bring in the very modern “cyclic entropy.”
You know what this shows in a young poet? Freedom, self-confidence, and a lack of fear when it comes to composition. There are a helluva lot of older poets who could learn from this.
Hello,
Thank you for your comment, I cannot even put into words what your encouragement meant to me. This poem was heavily inspired by The Darkling Thrush, by Thomas Hardy, and Love (3) by George Herbert. It was also outside my comfort zone as I normally stick to sonnets.
The last verse was the most tricky for me. The rest of the verses fell into line rather easily but it needed to have something to tie it together. After many drafts, I finally wrote what it is now. I was especially pleased to get the phrase “cyclic entropy” in there because it had been in my head for a while, and I enjoy the way it sounds said out loud.
Once again, I am deeply honored by your comment and appreciate the time you took. Have a wonderful rest of your day!
Jane, the Hardy and Herbert poems you mentioned above are among my (many) favorites!
Jane, I agree with the comments above; this is really wonderful writing! After reading the first line, I was already sitting up and taking notice; and when I got to the bottom and found out you are a high school student, my eyes popped! Your reference to Jacob’s wrestling match with God is insightful. You are very gifted!
Thank you for your comment. I am happy you noticed that particular line, it was the line that inspired the entire poem. It was one of those instances where the phrase began rattling around my brain and I knew I needed to write a poem around it.
Thank you!
I’m blown away! If you could have the national platform given another (then) highschooler 4 years ago.
Above all, I enjoyed the youthful feel to your poem, Jane.
My favourite line is ‘Will I, silly lamb, go astray?’, expressing the innocence of one who’s growing to realise the world is not such an innocent place.
This is a super poem, and well deserved to win first prize in the high school competition. Well done Jane!