‘The Tragedy of the p and the q’: An Alphabet Poem by Paul Martin Freeman

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The Tragedy of the p and the q

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Lovers in eternity

The p and q were two eternal lovers
Who faced each other in the alphabet.
To all else lost, oblivious of others,
The ideal Romeo and Juliet.

But though united in their gaze forever
Yet in the world of words they could not meet.
And thus was love denied that fleshly pleasure
Without which is it ever incomplete.

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How the p became the b

But hear what happened to the godlike p
Whose beauty once had brought him love and fame.
His needs unmet, the p became the b:
A change so ill it covered him with shame!

One morning he awoke to find a belly
Where previously he’d had a bulging chest.
His mighty pecs had turned to flaccid jelly
And heartless gravity had done the rest.

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How the b became the h

The perfect p was now the brutish b
But that was not the end of all this woe.
For every letter has a destiny
And fate was poised to strike a further blow.

The order of the letters quickly changed
And into outer darkness b was hurled!
And from the q eternally estranged,
The bottom fell forever from his world.

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Epilogue

But what had happened to the q, you’re asking,
With all these transformations taking place?
The aftermath here, too, would prove as lasting
And change forever this unhappy race.

The wretched creature fractured into parts
Unable to endure such weight of woe.
And never tale would wring the letters’ hearts
As how the q became the l and o.

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Paul Martin Freeman is an art dealer in London. This poem is from his recent book, A Chocolate Box Menagerie, published by New English Review Press.