Snootsplaining
For every galoot there’s a dutiful snoot
Acutely aware that their truth’s absolute.
They jabber and jaw as they bore to the root
Of topics that wallop the nincompoop mute.
For every galoot there’s a dutiful snoot
To set cretins straight with the weight of a brute.
For every buffoon there’s a scrupulous snob
To hector and hammer and make it their job
To lecture the lowbrow and lift up the slob
To swaggering spheres of the sniffiest knob.
For every buffoon there’s a scrupulous snob
To elevate oafs with their gaseous gob.
For every bad egg there’s a diligent prig
To preach till they purge every trace of the pig
That grunts at the core of the twits slow to twig
Their wonders are small, and their blunders are big.
For every bad egg there’s a diligent prig
To pester the pillocks who don’t give a fig.
One snarky remark sparks a Freudian quip
From trumpeting snots of unstoppable lip.
With tongues spitting sermons that sting like a whip
They lash all the jackasses not on their trip.
One snarky remark sparks a Freudian quip
From cavernous cakeholes that call for a zip.
For each weary ear there’s a bombastic boffin
Whose trap prattles on from the crib to the coffin.
Susan Jarvis Bryant is a poet originally from the U.K., now living on the Gulf Coast of Texas.
“One snarky remark sparks a Freudian quip
From trumpeting snots of unstoppable lip.
With tongues spitting sermons that sting like a whip
They lash all the jackasses not on their trip” –
sounds a little like something a satiristic poet might be guilty of composing from time to time.
Absolutely as good and as clever as it gets, Susan. You’re one-of-a-kind and one-of-the-best, my dear. 🙂
Susan, you’ve done it again — an amazing tour de force of language and rhyme!
Here I am, in the midst of grading papers and quizzes, and I needed a break. I come to the SCP, and I find this utterly delightful confection of monorhyme stanzas, alliteration, internal rhyme, sophisticated vituperation (“cavernous cakeholes that call for a zip” is a line for the ages!), and sharp dactylic smacks… what a treat!
We need more material of this type at the SCP. There’s nothing wrong with poems about love and flowers and seasons and piety and higher feelings. But those things aren’t all that the world is about. A poem like “Snootsplaining” opens up a window on some of the anger and contempt and rage that we all feel at times, and our very human need to call out the stupidity and arrogance of self-appointed elitists and “explainers.”
The tone and structure of this poem remind me of Clough when he wasn’t being preachy and high-minded. Susan, your work is stellar.
So agree with the above gentlemen. Love this poem
from its seductive title to gems like…well I’d have to
reprint the whole poem. You are a poetic wonder.
I recently tried mono-rhyming. Doing it as you’ve done successfully here is very hard to do. Yet another witty and successful take down of people who deserve every biting comment you’ve made here. I enjoyed the last couplet. It’s amazing how they continue non-stop from cradle to grave without ever gaining one bit of wisdom.