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The H.R. Manager’s Toilet Break
At ten-fifteen he sits upon
His porcelain panopticon
And stares into his tiny screen.
He clears his bowels and fills his spleen
With bile he milks from boundless rage
Inscribed upon an endless page
By others just as mad as he
And others, worse, who disagree.
Pretending to be experts on
The latest news from Babylon,
Each lectures from his own latrine.
With self-regard that’s quite obscene,
Like actors on a tiny stage
Or monkeys in a lonely cage,
They howl and bluster cravenly
And drive themselves to ecstasy.
Their lavatory lexicon
Is product of their woebegone
Attempts to push out poor cuisine.
But, now a sorry, sad routine,
No change of diet could assuage
These defecators, drunk with rage,
Who fail to see the comedy
And thus affect great dignity.
He takes his fill, then quickly types
Some rotten thoughts before he wipes.
Then, creeping out the toilet door,
He keeps his eyes upon the floor.
.
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Shaun C. Duncan is a picture framer and fine art printer who lives in Adelaide, South Australia.
Yes! This is EXACTLY the kind of no-holds-barred satire that we need today. It focuses like a microscope on a biopsy slide, describing to perfection one of the worst instances of our modern anti-culture: the “Human Resources” bureaucrat. The picture painted here of an obnoxious little functionary sitting on a toilet, typing a report on his laptop, could be a Hogarth caricature. Really great work, Mr. Duncan.
Thank you for the kind words, Mr Salemi. I enjoy writing vulgar satire and it’s a style which comes naturally to me but for too long I fought against it in an attempt to write about more uplifting subjects. Your own writings, particularly your essays, have been a great source of encouragement and inspiration to me.
Great poem…I think so many politicians now get their language on the toilet break.
Thank you, Allegra. With the advent of smart phones and the rise of social media as THE forum for public policy debate, it amuses and terrifies me to think how much of our political discourse is potentially dictated by peoples’ digestive issues.
“Porcelain panopticon” and “lavatory lexicon” are terrific. How do you define panopticon? I found “panoptic” meaning panoramic. Is that what you mean to convey? Kindly advise. Thanks.
Thank you, Cheryl – I was particularly proud of those and I’m glad you like them too. “Panopticon” is originally an architectural term, most commonly associated with prisons, describing a building constructed in such a way that the whole is visible from a central hub. In recent years the use of the term has expanded among paranoid types (like myself) to encompass any kind of seemingly ubiquitous surveillance technology. In the context of the poem I am using the term to suggest he sees the whole world from upon the toilet as he stares into his smartphone.
I never thought about this before, but I think you may be on to something. My husband tells me that his grandfather used to say that “flush-toilets are the ruination of the world”.
If only we’d listened to our ancestors – they saw more than we give them credit for.
Shaun, I look forward to reading more of your satirical pieces. There are plenty of topics begging for critical treatment.
With scathing humor and admirable rhyme and rhythm, you highlight today’s online crimes with poetic aplomb. Thank you for the huge grin of recognition, Shaun. Great stuff!