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CDC: Save the Planet from Poison CO2!!
“We used to think CO2 was a harmless trace gas…
How wrong we were!”
—Dr. Dillard “Sparky” Barker, SMFS,
The CDC’s Second Most Famous Scientist
Your noxious exhalations contain tons of CO2
So Dillard “Sparky” Barker has the newest mask for you.
It’s built to capture greenhouse gas and lock it in a filter
So that your breath won’t kill the earth, and kick this sphere off kilter.
Help us fight emissions, let’s douse our climate pyre.
Don’t walk, don’t talk, don’t blink, don’t breathe, don’t be a dumb denier.
We’re confiscating gasoline and rationing food and power
And water too… don’t swim, don’t bathe, don’t flush or take a shower.
Feel the fear, the end is near, we’re all in this together.
Pay the cost, it’s worth the pain to change inclement weather.
Let’s crush the curve, mask up, it’s just a short and sure-fire lockdown.
We will stamp out Carbon Crime, we’ll triumph with a Knockdown!
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Mike Bryant is a poet and retired plumber living on the Gulf Coast of Texas.
Mike, thanks for the poem and for your work in this discussion to respond to carbon dioxide alarmism. Anyone who wants to do something useful about the perceived excess of carbon dioxide should simply plant fast-growing trees or any food-producing green thing. These need plenty of carbon dioxide to perform photosynthesis (upon which plant life and all food production depends), and in the process they absorb sunlight (thus countering the principal source of the heat that warms the globe). Furthermore, plants (if they only have enough carbon dioxide) produce oxygen that human beings need to breathe. Enemies of carbon dioxide (even if they hate humanity and would like to destroy it) are enemies of all life. They hate Mother Earth and want to leave her burnt out.
Thanks Margaret, you are right about the trees, and many billions of trees ARE being planted worldwide.
But now, of course, MANY “experts” are warning about the unintended consequences of planting trees!
The oh so moral environmentalists probably forgot to invest in the tree companies before they recommended the planting of trees! LOL
https://e360.yale.edu/features/are-huge-tree-planting-projects-more-hype-than-solution
Fun poem Mike and I love your feminine rhymes.
Thanks, James.
As a footnote to this post I’d like to propose a simple thought experiment. Imagine that you have a million dollars. Imagine that you carefully place this money in one dollar bills on the ground in the sun. If you have carefully placed the bills, they will be edge to edge and cover a bit more than two and a half acres. Now imagine that you randomly select five hundred of these bills (which would fill a square about seven and a half feet per side) to represent the CO2 in our atmosphere. Paint these five hundred bills black so they will hold onto the solar heat longer than the other bills. Leave the million dollars, including the painted ones, in the sun all day. Do you really think that small area in your 2.5 acre lot is going to cause a problem? I don’t see any catastrophe arising out of those randomly placed bills.
To get an idea what 400 parts per million means… imagine a room with a regular ceiling and walls that are eight feet tall. Now, imagine that you could separate the mixed CO2 in that room and place it as a layer on the floor. That layer would be about four ten thousandths of an inch thick, or .0004” which is less than half the thickness of a human hair.
That is why CO2 is called a trace gas… there is barely a trace of it in our atmosphere. Earth’s atmosphere is CO2 starved.
Also, in the past there were many magic numbers… the speed of sound, where aircraft reaching that barrier would immediately disintegrate or, during the early days of motoring, when a speed of 100 miles per hour would kill you from oxygen starvation. What about the Y2K scare? How many doomsday cults have picked a magic day in a magic year when all hell breaks loose? We have survived all those limits and thrived. We have survived 400 ppm of CO2. We have survived hundreds of predictions of climate doom. If, tomorrow, we could burn all the remaining fossil fuels, the CO2 levels in our atmosphere would still be below the CO2 level our submariners thrive in aboard our nuclear subs.
Must we really belong to this mad Climate Catastrophe Doomsday Cult? What is the number now… 420? 450?
The CO2 cult shouts a number representing the tiny amount of the tracest of trace gases which makes all life on earth possible. It is ridiculous.
You can’t fight a religious cult, Mike. Climate-change alarmism is simply a part of the new left-liberal religion, which is spreading like wildfire everywhere. Nothing that we say or write will change the views of these committed fanatics by one iota.
Could we convince the Taliban or ISIS crazies to become more reasonable? No — we simply had to go in and kill them. As the Italians say, “C’e bisogno delle daghe.” (It’s time for the daggers.)
Yeah… Russel’s new poem gave me a little hope that there might be a few mavericks out there that we can round up and brand before the reckoning!