Leave your endless odes at the door please! Sometimes all it takes is a couplet to hit the spot. Post your witty or clever couplet of rhymed verse in the comments section below. Here are some examples from the challenge initiator Roy E. Peterson:
Our Christmas Party
Our office party was a blast.
The cop cars got there pretty fast.
A Pan Is a Pan
A pan is a pan. A kettle has a spout.
A man is a man. The reason will stick out.
Sitting in Public
If you sit in public and a stranger’s next to you,
Ask him, “Did you bring the money? I did what I had to do.”
Antivirus Wipes
I finally cleaned my house today and dusted TV panels.
Alas, my antivirus wipes lost all of the news channels.
I Never See Red
I just found out I’m colorblind. I never had a clue.
The diagnosis blew my mind, it came out of the yellow.
UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCE
Be careful how you squelch a belch.
You might pick up a hiccup.
Clever internal couplet rhyme, Russel.
Mike, another very clever contribution with the color transposition.
CLEVER COWBOY QUIPS
From my book, “Fables from the Funny Farm”
LONGHORNS
Longhorn bulls are great with long horns, in fact,
they make the best horns for my Cadillac.
COWBOY COFFEE
Even in a winter blizzard,
Cowboy coffee warms the gizzard.
HOW COWBOYS KNOW COFFEE IS READY
You will know when coffee’s fit,
A spoon will stand straight up in it.
BULLS AND FOOLS
Never approach a bull up front, or a horse from the rear.
Don’t approach a fool from any place. Stay clear.
FLAT TIRE
A concerned rancher’s wife said, “Jim your tractor tire looks flat.”
Jim asked if she had sat on it. No one knows where Jim is at.
NAMING A FOAL
Rancher Bob’s horse had a foal that he named for his wife.
When he told her what he’d done, he went running for his life.
HELPFUL COWBOY
Rancher Ron got drunk one night; his wife made him a mess.
He claimed he had to help the bar maid get out of her dress.
TURN OUT THE LIGHTS
Rancher Gene’s wife said to him, “Let’s go have some fun tonight.”
Gene suffered injury when he said, “First one home turns on the porch light.”
ROPED BY THE RODEO QUEEN
Rancher Dan thought he was a man full of vigor and vim.
It seems he pinched the Rodeo Queen, so she roped and branded him.
Beautiful flowers bloom then fade,
Meanwhile bees work hard, all for our gain.
Beautiful couplet, Maria.
MR. FROG AND MR. TOAD
Mr. Frog began bragging he was really royal blood.
Mr. Toad let him know who was king of the mud.
WHEN NONVIOLENCE IS BEST
When a mosquito lands on your private part, it’s thence
you learn problem solving need not involve violence.
COFFEE COUPLET
I took a swig of coffee but something was in the mug.
It could not be a raisin, so it must have been a bug.
NAMING MY RUG STAINS
I think I may just label the stains now in my rug.
“Coffee,” “Juice,” and “Tea,” and “Here I Squashed a Bug.”
PREMONITION
I have a premonition that I may die someday.
Perhaps I need a plan to put myself on layaway.
I must admit that Hooters always fascinate me.
The Hooters I am speaking of are owls up in a tree.
IMPLANTS
They say I can’t take things with me, but I think they lied.
I can spend it all on teeth implants if I really tried.
BRACING KISSES
Tender was the night, and you were my tenderizer.
It seemed we kissed forever, since our braces stuck together.
THE GAME IS AFOOT
While the detective looked at the man’s head,
“The game is afoot” is what he then said.
Wounded Weasel
All wokeness has entered its death throes.
I’m happy to watch as its breath slows.
Inspired by a quote from a recent David Hookstead article.
What a fitting title! Love the title and the couplet.
Monkey Business
Global Warming scientists would never lie.
It’s caused, they say, because some monkeys fly.
Ha, ha! The monkeys are the pseudo-scientists.
TEXANS AND THEIR TRIALS
Culled from my book, “Fables from the Funny Farm.”
By Roy E. Peterson
TEXAN CHILI
I have made fiery chili, though I am not a boaster.
I call it Texas Fire Red, Chili Belly Roaster.
BEST PLACE TO PARK IN TEXAS
Forget the upfront parkers who thought they had it made.
The best parking spot in Texas is finding any shade.
HOW HOT IS TEXAS?
How hot is it in Texas? The Devil cannot wait
To make a down payment on some Texas real estate.
The Devil told the Realtor, I’ll buy if you will sell.
Texas is much hotter than it is in hell.
SIGNS YOU ARE IN TEXAS
From my book, “Fables from the Funny Farm.”
By Roy E. Peterson
COTTON PLANT PROTECTION
When you are in Texas, looking at cotton plants,
You may see a caution sign, “Protected by fire ants.”
TEXAS WIND
When you are in Texas, a windsock may not remain.
They are ripped so often, it may be replaced by a chain.
MIDLAND, TEXAS ENTERING SIGN
A sign you will find in Midland, home of West Texas survivors,
Is “Hometown of Weekly Fatal Accidents, and of Horrible Drivers.”
STANTON, TEXAS ENTERING SIGN
The Welcome Sign for Stanton is easy to be read.
“3,000 Friendly People, and a few Old Soreheads.”
TEXAS TRESPASSNG SIGN
A sign on my friend’s property for those he’s never met:
“You’re no Longer Trespassing. Now you are a Target!”
TEXAS PROPERTY SECURITY SIGN
Texans have a secure system That we think is fun,
Let’s see how fast you can outrun a bullet from a gun.
TEXAS FANS
Liberals think we’re saving energy with windmills we provide.
But it’s so hot in Texas, we just installed big fans outside.
FORGET THE COMMA
They say that down in Texas smart cows can stay out late.
I saw a sign upon a fence, “Cows Please Close the Gate.”
SIGN TO SLOW DOWN IN TEXAS
You know you’re in Texas, and are coming to a town,
When you see a sign that says, “ALL Y’ALL SLOW DOWN.”
ALARMING SIGN
“My alarm says you’re in my house, but it won’t be for long.
I bet my gun is bigger than what you brought along.”
PASTURE SIGN
“Do not Cross this Pasture unless you can cross in nine seconds, Jack.
That’s because my bull can do it in ten seconds flat.”
PRICE INCREASE SIGN
“Do not cross our property whether cold or hot.
Due to ammo price increase, don’t expect a warning shot.”
Yeah, it’s hot alright…
If I owned Hades and Texas as well…
I’d rent out Texas and live in Hell!
Apologies to Mark Twain
Mike, gasp, are you sure?
I thought it was a Mark Twain quote… I was wrong:
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2021/07/01/texas-hell/
thailand children meditating
world peace seeking, reaching,
out of the mouths of babes
will we find solace from war’s waves.
Linda, my former student, Ms. Phakapan Salao, from Thailand, was just awarded the USA Excellence Award and received an Honorary Doctor of Business Administration from the UNITED NATIONS GLOBAL PEACE COUNCIL (UNGPC). She is founder and President of Muay Thai sporting goods. now an international organization operating out of San Diego. You can check it out online.
meditation cannot hurt
when with war the earth is girt.
perhaps in moments of serene peace
a good idea the surface will reach.
AGING ADULT THOUGHTS
By Roy E. Peterson
KEEP YOUR TEETH
“When you are old and want to spit,
Remember your teeth could fly out with it.”
GREY HAIR
“No matter that your hair is grey,
You’ll lose the rest of it soon anyway.”
PICKING TEETH
“You may make merry, or make a wreath,
But stop picking food from your teeth.”
BLUE HAIR
“I love your hair so messy and blue,
I think a bird should nest on you.”
CANE
“You get your cane and I’ll get my crutch,
Then we will sit down and have some lunch.”
WHEELCHAIR
“I’ll get my wheelchair and you get your broom.
Then we can race to get to the bathroom.”
THIGHS
“As I’m sitting here and look at your thighs,
I don’t think they make girdles to fit your size.”
NOSE
“If I hit your nose and the pain will linger.
It’s due to the fact that I broke your finger.”
SHOOTING THE BREEZE
“I know that you can emit gas with ease.
That’s not what I meant about ‘shooting the breeze.'”
BINGO
“Stop grabbing me there and not letting go!
And most of all stop yelling, Bingo!”
Please…
The near fifty years of smug climate hysteria
From self-righteous thugs has me weary and wearier…
Mike, we are on the same page. Ever since Gore!
Sourpussy
You think you’ve got the short end of the stick.
That doesn’t mean you’ve got to be a dick!
Wise words for the wounded, Mike.
COUNTRY MUSIC SCANDAL COUPLETS
By Roy E. Peterson
Country music scandals seem to climb the Country Chart.
Hank Williams sang about it in “Your Cheatin’ Heart.”
Carl Perkins and Elvis sang about shoes that were blue-sueded.
Then David Houston came along and sang, “Almost Persuaded.”
Earnest Tubb was “Walking the Floor over You.”
I hope he did not bury someone down there too.
Jim Reeves once sang the song that “He’ll Have to Go.”
Marty Robbins had a Mexican girl in the town “El Paso.”
Women tried to blame men like singer Kitty Wells.
“It wasn’t God Who Made Honkey-tonk Angels.”
When Bill Anderson sang, “Still,” what kind of still was that?
Johnny Cash stole all the parts to build his Cadillac.
Johnny Cash spent time in jail and he paid his dues.
Then he wrote the song, “The Folsom Prison Blues.”
If you want to get rich with more money than you can handle,
I suggest you write a song about a country scandal.
CLOSING CLEVER COUPLETS
By Roy E. Peterson
MAGIC MEMORIES
Magic memories are made by poetry,
Since classic rhymes flirt with history.
MY STANCE ON GUNS
I was asked my stance on control of guns.
I said it depends on which way he runs.
MY TRUE PARTY STORY
At a grad friend’s party, we said the dip was good.
Then just before we left, he said it was dog food.
Unbeknownst to him, he became my muse
An Adonis in the flesh, a spark that lit my fuse
Venessa, wonderful couplet! Great share. I love the idea and the phrasing with “Adonis.”
In the one that you admire
Reflects virtues you desire.
You are a rose amid thistle and thorn,
Amid thistle and thorn a rose forlorn.
Briley, these are beautiful couplets! Thank you!
We fixed Argentina, we’re fixing Iran.
I think it’s past time to fix us if we can…
violence only begets violence,
especially when born of ignorance,
often the only recourse for indigents,
and results in all loss of innocence.
I accept your double couplet as a well-stated quatrain with sincere meaning.
I completely agree with you, and include Venezuela.
Silence.
Stand still in the violets – give silence her due,
If we always deny her, we lose her fine tune.
Life.
Puzzles and prattles compose this mad game,
But we would do well to abide it the same.
Smoke and barrel.
Come watch little ringlets rise up to the sky,
We learn well from the pipe…but forget in the rye.
Nicely done, Frank. I particularly like the “Smoke and Barrel” one which I take as an entendre at the end (but forget in the rye.)
This from a coffee shop long ago;
“As you wander on through life, brother whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole.”
If love was easy, as the bards proclaim,
I would not sing a mournful heart’s refrain
Great ones, Rob.
if there’s irish cream in your coffee
you need not feel so awful,
just add some , and stir awhile
no need to bore, just turn and smile.
This from a coffee shop long ago;
If love was easy, as the bards proclaim,
I would not sing a mournful heart’s refrain
I just commented on it above.
This from a coffee shop long ago;
This, from an old coffee shop:
“As you wander on through life, brother, whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole”
A lot of these couplets make more or less sense, but they’re often a form of mental pollution. You’re trying to work up a sonnet to follow –
In elder days in Norway, Odin’s tree
sustained the world of hope-beyond-despair…
– and you get –
[some item from the news that we heard] be-boop
and so we feed on putrid bowls of rancid poodle soup.
– or totally random ones on the same theme –
Hot bowls of rancid soup, my dear, it is the fate of man
to feed upon that kind of thing as often as he can.
– and there are also ones that recur regularly as alternatives to such phrases as “kick the Cat” –
Oh to be a toasted kitten, fried up in a pan with spam,
there is nothing like a skillet to show Cats just what they am.
Very clever, fred. Sorry to be late to see them.
If you have any words to write, then write those words – if not …………..
Morrison, I hope you saw my comments on yours under your submission a month ago. It should have been attached to yours, but it is directly under them in any even.
Thanks, Roy. Yes, I greatly appreciate your comments. This has been a fun challenge and it’s been great to read others’ submission.