Humor

. Your poem can be serious, silly, or something in-between. List the “random words” you chose as your poem’s title and feel free to use whatever poetic form you’d like. Then post the poem in the comments section below. . “Rhyming, Rhythmic, Rapturous . . . and Random” A Poetry...

. Dispiration I have nothing to say, Not a thought in my head. If I needed to pray There would be nothing said. Just a large empty space And no functioning brain, With the mouth on my face Filled with nothing worth saying. It’s a bad case of “Writ- er’s...

. Not What He Thinks All my success An old friend said Has clearly gone Straight to the head. I’ll grant that, but Judged by chagrin It’s his head my Success is in. . . Rachel Dolezal Poor Rachel had a very basic problem, She’d spent her life pretending to...

. Love Letter to a Spoon How fine thou art my silver spoon. Your neck as graceful as a swan. Your hips full as the harvest moon. Thy manner gentle as a fawn. Bright curls of finespun filigree Like rays of sun doth frame thy face. How splendid to my...

. Slàinte! Today we’ll lift the Lenten limitations And don our Gaelic garb of kelly green. Bonhomie and glee and lush libations Will flow at dawn and dusk and in between. We’ll pluck a harp and pick a lucky shamrock, Kiss the Blarney Stone and spin a yarn, Eat colcannon, steaming stew, and...

. On Sighting a Marsupial "Serve with: Turnip greens" —Joy of Cooking Opossums are so ugly that it isn’t clear Another of their kind would find one good to look At.  Matted fur and hairless tails do not endear Them to Americans.  According to a book I read, their closest...

. Two Poems for White Day On White Day, March 14, men in Japan present white gifts to women, in return for the chocolates they receive from women on Valentine’s Day. White Day began in 1978 as a commercial venture to sell more candy and flowers. It is now observed...

. Hermes, The Artisan Hermes, son and messenger of Jove, Surveyed the coast, where often he would rove, And found a tortoise beached upon a cove. He took it home and made a turtle soup— The shell, he thought, was like a giant scoop; And then, inspired, he cried a...

. Prudence Huntleigh, Head Librarian theme of “the proverbial uptight librarian” suggested by Brian Yapko She mans the front desk and she oversees All borrowings, returns, and two-cent fines. A tailored tweed suit (hems just at the knees) Is proper for her trim and shapely lines. Her horn-rimmed glasses sit...

. Trudeau’s Canada Jab them all, Big and small. Small are buffer And must suffer. No opinions, Little minions. Cover traces Of their faces, With a mask, Do not ask. Issue orders Across borders. What the Hell, Some rebel. They call you clown, Just double-down. Drop the hammer, Use the...

. Poem Introduction Lewis Carroll (who lived 1832-1898 and was born Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) was a master at humorous wordplay and making the illogical logical. His accomplishments as an English writer of children’s fantasy fiction are highlighted by his works, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. “Because He...

.   The Pear Pit I fell into a pear pitupon a summer’s day.I fell into a pear pitand whiled the time away. How sad will be the hunter,as sad as he can be,finding not a pitted pearbut finding only me. . . Leland James is the author of five...

. Bluer Skies after Ogden Nash Spring ain’t sprung, the grass ain’t growed, The fields ain’t fit for man nor toad. They tell us that the world is warmin’, ‘Pears to me the world is stormin’. Snow ‘n’ rain ‘n’ wind a’ blowin’, Local rivers overflowin’, Global warmin’ diagnosed Yet...

. Everlasting I must admit, when I arrived in Hell I was surprised.  Not, as you might surmise, Because I never reckoned it was real— And surely not because I thought I’d led A sinless life—but owing to the fact I did not know that I had died.  You see,...

. Nuclear Fusion written upon hearing of the UK's recent fusion energy breakthrough Those white-coated boffins in England, Have been toiling for years, so it seems. To harness the power of Fusion, As the answer to all of our dreams. Where millions of pounds have been wasted, On experiments destined...

. God’s M.O. One hundred thousand people at the game, And half might pray to God: “Let my team win!” While for the other team folks pray the same. If I was God it might make my head spin, But that’s one thing I need not fret about. And I’m...

. The H.R. Manager's Toilet Break At ten-fifteen he sits upon His porcelain panopticon And stares into his tiny screen. He clears his bowels and fills his spleen With bile he milks from boundless rage Inscribed upon an endless page By others just as mad as he And others, worse,...

. Where Did I Lose My Mind? I just found my glasses on top of my head. My iPhone had dropped to the floor from my bed. The car keys I lost were much harder to find. Oh, where in the world did this fool lose his mind? My shades...

. A Note to Karen It’s been a bumpy ride, With bruises long endured By both the groom and bride. At last, my heart is cured Of you, and I am much Obliged that you agree Our lives should never touch Again, so now I’m free To say what’s on...

. Bottle Battle Blues When baby cries (as does his ilk), I pacify my son with milk. One day the milk would not pass through the nipple as it ought to do. I think the bottle bore a grudge. That liquid clot just would not budge. I told it, “I...

. Aromatherapy This tale concerns an English Lass, Who signed up for an evening class, “There’s money to be made” said she, “I’ll try Aromatherapy.” So, every Winter, Wednesday nights, She headed for the city lights. Where on the back seat of her car, Were many bottles, tubes and jars....

. And so, Minnie Mouse will impress in pantsuit and flat heels, no less. __But what of the vision, __of Mickey's transition in heels and a polka-dot dress? . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of Ophir, a crime novel which was taught in Zimbabwean high schools and...

. Missed Call O Muse, would you call back another time? My little boy, armed with a sharpened stick, winged with a blanket, sure that he can fly, is leaping off the countertop to try things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme. Poems are slow to grow, but kids are...

. Starbucks Villanelle Will someone call an order for Elaine? I have a bunch of stuff I need to do. The wait today is driving me insane. This one dude wants a pinch of sugar cane. I can’t believe he’s holding up the queue Will someone call an order for...

. On the Cost of Doing Evil I care not if the sky burns red and human flesh is seared. I pray that all souls will just rot as many long have feared. I wait for when the birds don’t fly and locusts take the grain. I hope the fertile...

. Toasting Burns    His words ring out from windswept glens. __They lilt from lapping lochs. I see love through his red-rose lens; __I hear the midnight clocks In castle nooks chime Auld Lang Syne __As kilted suitors croon To bonnie lasses rapt with rhyme __Beneath a Highland moon. His words will please till seas gang dry __And rocks melt wi’ the sun. They soar beyond Ben-Nevis high...

. The High Cost of Low Prices Poetry is what I treasure. Books of poems give me pleasure, but my grief’s been hard to measure, since I did some shopping. “50 Famous Poems”---nifty! Now on sale for just $ 2.50. I should revel, since I’m thrifty, but my mood is...

. Sonnetized “Why poetry?” My chair leans in his chair And slides me a sabbatical-swelled smirk. The past nine months I’d shouldered all his share So he could spend his patriarchal perk In penning pap not destined to see light. “A couplet is a manageable cup “To nurse while nursing...

. Limerick China’s footballers haven’t a clue why they can’t go and get a tattoo, but I think it might be it’s since President Xi is afraid they’ll choose Winnie the Pooh. . . This Urge for the Truth We strive for trusted knowledge in the guise of Truth, but...

. Fleet of Foot Pheidippides A Grecian runner named Pheidippides, From Athens, ran to Sparta with a plea. “We need your help to fight the Persians, please!” But Sparta sent him back with, “Nosirree!” Two-hundred eighty miles is what he ran, For four or maybe five days he was gone....

. The Dark Knight I’ve always held the Queen in high esteem, Her ever-classy, never brassy aura Shines noble splendour on the regal scene And blesses folk who openly adore 'er. Today the corgi-hugging monarch’s task Of knighting U.K.-hater, traitor Blair, Left baffled subjects hankering to ask Her Majesty if...

. So It Is Written The books that I have owned for many years, Still sitting on my shelves or stored in boxes, Have yellowed pages—damaged belvederes— With covers bearing pale mildewy poxes. I’ve read them all, but such a heavy toll Humidity inflicts on sheaves of paper, A nuisance...

. 20/20 Vision You’re lurking in the shadows with a wink. I see your flute of crystal, hear you pop Your cork as spirits soar and keen arms link To strains of Auld Lang Syne as clock hands stop. In moonlight, while lips melt in midnight’s kiss, You sashay in as glasses ring and rise With toasts to bright tomorrows---future bliss In highs and sighs as...

. The Dodo of Mauritius This island nation scarcely can be proud Of avifauna lacking common sense, Surviving only in the perfect tense, Their right to life, existence disavowed. With beaks immense, these pigeons well endowed, Why did they never peck in self-defence? Their dovelike mildness giving no offence, They...

. Anyone But You The phone may ring; The call will bring __Anyone but you. The mail will come; It will be from __Anyone but you. A text may buzz; I’m sure it was __Anyone but you. Oh, this is dire; I don’t desire __Anyone but you. . . Crunch...

. The North Pole's on Lockdown ‘Tis the night before Christmas; it pains me to say--- The North Pole’s on lockdown before the big day. The elves have been furloughed and fester in bed. The toy factory’s folded and Rudolph is dead… Poor Prancer and Dasher and Dancer are lame. An arrow struck Blitzen...

. The Tunnel to Australia It’s raining every day in Merrie England. It’s falling from the sky most every day. But I’ve just heard about a place that’s burning, In a country that’s so very far away. I’m sure that they could use some extra water. This stuff that’s lying...

. Hedge Theory The hedge plants are trimmed by a gardener with shears As they have been, like clockwork, for twenty-five years. Yet they push out new shoots in continuing hope Of extending their reach through the fence on the slope; Protruding through uprights, with glossy new tips, Their ruby...

. Twelve Chaucerian Limericks for Paul Freeman Some pilgrims went riding to Kent, And here’s how the journey was spent: As they traipsed through the dale They each told a tale Of sacred or worldly intent. Some of the stories were clean, And others absurd or obscene. Whether gentle or...

. Critical Race Theory It’s quite amusing when some first Defend it with persistence, Then---feigning that they’ve not reversed--- Deny its whole existence. . . Federal Government Logic The National Park Service says That animals should not be fed, Since it ends self-sufficiency When handouts can be sought instead. Meanwhile...