Dream on the Horizon
I sail the ocean toward the setting sun
to find my dreams that hide within the sky.
And I will travel till my days are done,
to live just one before I say goodbye.
I search for fantasies within the clouds
and pray that one will rain down over me.
To lift the veil that all too often shrouds
the eyes that all my lifetime could not see.
As dusk’s horizon waves goodbye to day,
it tells me I have many miles to go.
Until tomorrow, stars shall light my way
and in my sleep, determined dreams will grow.
I will survive the storms, and I shall see
the dreams on the horizon meant for me.
Sunrise Sonnet
The morning sun reflects off water’s mist
The river nods and goes about her way.
Her foamy crests blush for they have been kissed
so gently by the dawn of a new day.
The red and orange sky is all aglow,
and jealous rocks turn green as they erode.
The sleepy fish all jump to see the show,
enjoying Mother Nature a la mode.
The day widens her smile and rises high.
The river sings in currents as she raves.
In whispers, moonlight hushes its goodbye,
and slowly disappears into the waves.
The waterfall holds sparkles of the dawn
and glimmers as she deftly rages on.
Infatuation
Infatuation fills my passion’s drive.
My heart and mind get high upon its buzz.
The spell it weaves just makes me feel alive.
Let’s face it. That’s just what obsession does.
The object of your ardor does no wrong.
You only see perfection in your gaze.
Excitement strings your appetite along.
You go through life entranced within a daze.
But soon the spell wears off, and you can see
the faults that you had overlooked before.
The flawlessness is gone. How can it be
that you don’t feel Nirvana anymore?
The imperfections wear upon your nerves.
The Paradise you had, alas, is lost.
And though it’s not what either one deserves,
you both have paid a very heavy cost.
Dave Irby is a retired law enforcement officer and a U.S. Air Force veteran, currently living in Halifax, VA.
I don’t really know what to make of these. There is no need for an apostrophe in t’ward – it can be pronounced “tord”, one syllable. There is no such word as til. It is either until or till. I don’t think “one” can rain down on you. Can a horizon wave goodbye, jealous rocks turn green? Can foamy crests blush? And it’s goodbye? Wherefore the apostrophe? Can A waterfall glimmer AND deftly rage on, and can you be entranced within a daze or are you not just either dazed or entranced?
Thank you for your poems, Mr. Irby!
Peter, the t’ward and til are my fault. I meant to fix those. They are now fixed. Thank you for the reminder.
-Evan Mantyk (the editor)
Evan and Dave – They look better to me already, especially in light of James’s remarks below
I must agree with Peter above, but your poems make for such pleasant reading! Thanks.
I think there is quite a bit of wisdom in “Infatuation.” “Let’s face it. That’s just what obsession does.” is one of the lines I like.
Dave, “Infatuation” is my favorite. It lays out the aftermath of being in lust rather than love, perfectly. I appreciate the humor and especially like; “The Paradise you had, alas, is lost.” – very clever. Thank you for the smile.
Peter is most certainly correct in what he says, at least from the standpoint of clear grammar and plain sense. But sometimes a poem can be somewhat “impressionistic” as it creates a mood or feeling or image out of a series of dots and dabs of colorful mixed metaphors (etc.) that, taken together, capture and communicate meaning in ways where more concise imagry might fail.
I certainly had no problem catching what you were saying in these poems, for my own dreams can be found in the sky, over the horizon, seen and hidden, be “determined,” pursued, and be constantly growing all at the same time, and waterfalls can indeed glimmer and rage (as well as create rainbows and sweep people to their deaths) simultaneously.
It is, I suppose, a matter of focus and, in any case, this style of writing works best when it is done intentionally rather than “un-.”
I guess my personal concern involves figuring out what you mean by the word, “dreams.” Dreams of a world at peace? Dreams for the election of a particular presidential candidate? Dreams for racial harmony (whatever that means)? Dreams to find a better-paying job? Dreams of taking a world cruise or going on safari in East Africa? This lack of specificity leaves me to read the poem subjectively, i.e. what it means to me, rather than what it means to you–which is what I am most interested in discovering. I’m not exactly sure what dreams you are pursuing on the horizon or whether you ever expect to embrace (or be embraced by) them–whether to feel hopeful or despairing.
Regardless, I enjoyed the poems and hope to see more of them.
I agree with Mrs, Bryant that “Infatuation is the best of the three. The other two show metrical command and good structure, but tend towards a sentimentalizing and cliche dreaminess.
But “Infatuation” has a tough grittiness in its honest depiction of a collapsed relationship, and the language is less flowery than the other two poems.
No doubt the criticisms of the poems is spot on. It is the beauty that is truth and truth is joy and precise.
Nice poems, I enjoyed reading all 3. I like the pictures which the first 2 formed inside my mind’s eye, but the third one, Infatuation, is my favorite. It eloquently rings true with real life experience while maintaining a dry enough sense of humor to blunt the tragic edge of the experience described therein.
The main impression I get, in all 3, is of calm and irder–the wish of someone who’s spend a stressful life in law enforcement? Virtually all lines self-contained, only the most minimal deviation from total iambic domination–like the glassy-smooth surface of the river.
In the 1st, I read “fantasies,” not “clouds,” as what might provide rain. This passage is followed by an incomplete sentence: where a period stands, if a comma were to replace it the sense might be clearer, if not changed. (Sorry for not being clearer here: I’m responding with my phone.)
“Infatuation” is effective in covering passing enthusiasms even where lyst is not an element, although Susan’s comment is quite valid.
I enjoyed these three. I think Dream On The Horizon gives readers a gentle nudge to not lose sight of one’s aspirations because opportunity and time are fleeting. Sunrise Sonnet has beautiful imagery. Infatuation has universal appeal.