Humor

. Jelly Guts Rule The book, we’ve been apprised, is most uncool— Young Marco and the farmer by the pool, Wits locked in friendly if serious duel, And Marco sends the farmer off to school. One Dr. Seuss, its author, we’ll allow, Here glorified in clever rhyme (and how!) Imaginative...

. Oh hail the master puppeteer, Controller of the strings. The altruistic engineer, Sagaciousness he brings. With breathtaking dexterity, He moves us all about. From rich and famed celebrity, To every down-and-out. When he feels the time is right He drives our limbs to action. Manipulating day and night Gives...

. Around the rearview mirror of my car There hangs a gonfalon of love divine. My talisman, my bright and guiding star, From which both fortitude and healing shine. What is this mighty banner hanging down? Not cross nor tassel, but the soft damask That forms the flag by which...

. Advice from Dante “If you hear nostrums* in the market cried, Behave like men, and not like witless sheep.” ---Dante, Paradiso, Canto V Behave like men, and not like witless sheep. The CDC has shown no evidence That covering one’s face with cloth will keep The people near us...

. I heard the harvested remains Of infants coursing through my veins Will save me from the Wuhan Flu--- I’m gonna get some, how ‘bout you? Those babies were already dead, Their blood’s not really on my head So fill that needle, stick it far--- I’ll leave my conscience in...

. Bang! “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”---This quote was attributed by John Kennedy to medieval thinker Dante Alighieri  I’m polite and I am civil. I am civil and polite. I nod at dullest drivel, My eyes and...

. Girolamo Savonarola Here we are at circus, you and me and all the others, facing each and every way in the Age of Absurdity. Rather alike some Swiftian satire, some Aesopian consequence, some Seussian phantasmagoria where all the world is upside down, facing sideways in slow-motion walking backwards into...

 . This silver-furred yogi of how to stay fit,  This bespectacled guru of health,  Is a growly voiced sage of nefarious wit;  A hoodwinking master of stealth.  This flip-flopping, truth-chopping, sly hypocrite;  This barefaced disgrace; demon prince of batshit,  Is rolling in ill-gotten wealth.    This fork-tongued ace fudger of figures and facts  Who wove the apocalypse thread,  Has backtracked on data...

The author of the above poem, circulating online, is unknown. From The Epoch Times (March 2, 2021) "Biden Omits Mention of Dr. Seuss From ‘Read Across America Day’ Amid Concerns of Racist Undertones": President Joe Biden appears to have removed legendary children’s book author Dr. Seuss from “Read Across America...

. . He met her one Summer, the girl of his dreams, A freckle-faced beauty just out of her teens. He chatted her up, and he thought he’d done well, But with these young women, you never can tell. She said she was happy to be on her own, So,...

. Governor Mussolini Fifteen thousand souls,Killed by the stroke of his pen,For whom no bell tolls. . . Covid Chronicles I saw a naked face today---It nearly took my breath away!I knew the girl and so I asked “How is it, Dear, that you’re unmasked?”. “I’m on the phone, as...

. In Astrophysics, I’m ranked “One,” and Greek and Latin I find fun. All serve me well at Crossword “Times,” with each day’s matrix solved by nine. Most free verse, though? Puzzles abstruse; Augean tasks for “us obtuse.” It’s glossy verse too recherché for even Hercules to slay! But many...

. Dear friends we gather here to say goodbye To words once used to speak both truth and lie. The HE and SHE and HIS and HERS and MINE By ZIE interred forever at ZIR shrine. No more can we know ZIM or VER by gender Just judging by the...

. The Internet’s a work of art, Now everybody’s phone is smart. They’re very compact, very small, And so, begins a tale so tall. For once upon a time, a gent, A load of cash one day he spent. Delighted now, he was to own, A brand new, shiny Apple...

. For others it may be a breeze. Those hardy Arctic folk would wheeze With laughter as we Texans sneeze __And shiver. This slick of ice and lick of snow; This frightful bite as ill winds blow Nips our fingers, numbs our toes--- __We quiver. All those of us who...

  There is a scourge that permeates our midstWhich we cannot so easily dismiss.Elitists strive to elevate this curse;A type of art most poets call free verse. True poetry once rhymed and had some form,A style evoking passion was the norm;But now these attributes are deemed archaicAs it makes little difference how you...

. For my friend Rose R., with sincere condolences. Good Lord, imagine my bad luck: I’m married to a hockey puck. I don’t know how it came about— A lover morphed into a lout! You’re a widow, not a wife, When hockey is your husband’s life. In his world, only...

. L O V E... It’s not a dozen scentless hothouse roses. __It’s not a chocolate-box of sweet cliché. It’s not the scorching kiss that lust imposes __To lead the fired and fevered flesh astray. It’s not an aphrodisiacal dinner __Or sighs in dizzy highs of fine Champagne. It’s not...

C.B. Anderson was the longtime gardener for the PBS television series, The Victory Garden.  Hundreds of his poems have appeared in scores of print and electronic journals out of North America, Great Britain, Ireland, Austria, Australia and India. 

. All Major League Baseball teams share revenues, We treat them as if they were brothers. But sometimes self-interest means we refuse To treat each the same as the others. Some teams like the Yankees are wealthy, you see, We want them to win by competing. But when they are...

. Reality Check A ladybug landed on my arm On Saturday. I felt the charm The chosen feel. It brought with it Good luck—or so I thought—then bit Deep into me, paused for air, Spread its spots beside a hair, Then bit again. My gratitude became alarm That such a...

. They’re impeaching Number 45 today--- Like toddlers born to moan, Like bulldogs with a bone, Like warlords with a drone, Like tyrants on a throne, Although they know The Don left yesterday--- They’re impeaching Number 45 today. They’re impeaching Number 45 today--- Like straw-men with no brain, Like swindlers...

. They’ll be coming for you soon, Chairman Xho. It’s an old, familiar tune that we all know. You’ve been howlin’ at the moon And they’ll say that you’re a loon And you’ll bring us all to ruin, Chairman Xho. They’ll say that you’re their bro, Chairman Xho. But you...

. “Ha ha,” is all she gives her Dad when he makes fun of what she said. No more parental Galahad who nightly carried her to bed. He’s just a jaded humorist who doesn’t even merit laughs from her which once were numerous. For now she deems such jibes are...

. We can “Build Back Better” if we choose “Truth Over Lies.” What these slogans promise lead us to a big surprise. When the new administration’s promises come true, This is what we’ll get when what they say is what they do: * * * Here’s a happy poem with...

. The Senior Covid Blues I have read many articles about the virus particles that swirl about and sneak into our noses. I know it takes tenacity to keep one’s lung capacity and not look up and see the roots of roses! According to virology my system’s etiology does put...

. Lahaina Mynahs The droppings of a thousand Mynah birds (While nesting in a Maui banyan tree) Descended on my pre-teen daughter. Words Cannot describe her abject misery. Her shoulders, arms and hands were plastered white As were her t-shirt and her auburn hair. In shock, she stood there screaming—what...

. Blackwater River State Park A warm summer day. The kayak floats quietly. The cicadas sing. . . Nightfall at Pensacola Beach The sun has now set And not a light can be seen. What just made that splash? . . The Forts of Pensacola Bay The guns are silent....

. The world is ruled by two men­---Jack and Zuck, More than their strange appearance their deeds suck. Jack’s goatee truly suits a Marxist boss Who for free speech and thought gives not a toss, While Zuck the Cuck with Chinese spouse has luck In getting socialists to pay a...

. Go, Fading Leaf __Go, fading leaf, Tell him who thought my heart to spurn __That life is brief (But briefer still his love did burn __I fool enough was to return). __Tell him who sold Our shaky venture for the rock __Of love grown cold: He ought to’ve taken...

. B.C./D.C. Where history and myth converge Two famous founders do emerge, Of nations that excelled at war. (Coincidence?  Or something more?) George Washington and Romulus Are equally eponymous, And they’re remembered nowadays In curious divergent ways: The latter founded seven hills; The former’s found on dollar bills. . ....

. How To Be Like Byron Bright butterfly, why do you fade Into that duller, browner shade That strays into the flame at night? You’ve lost your nature’s vibrant light And seek it in another source. For you, I’ll heartily endorse A colorful biography To help you live by, dogma-free....

. Daily we vent and cement our position In righteous and virtuous words. Unity fails if each crucial decision Is left to the whim of the herds. Deplorable plebs are so flawed and naïve When treading the foolhardy path That maddens our minds. Where’s the creed we believe? We think...

. I fear my motivation’s dead; there’s no one home inside my head. I’ve looked for it from dusk to dawn; I tell you, it is really gone! The situation is quite dire; my neurons will no longer fire. I worry that I’m up a creek while it’s off playing...

.   January 25 is the birthday of Scottish poet Robert Burns (1759–1796). On or near this day, Scots worldwide gather for a supper of haggis (traditionally made of sheep innards), whisky, and poetry. Henderson’s Salad Table is a vegetarian legend. This vibrant family business had expanded to three locations...

Seven inches, simple dark design My modern mind disdains the notion That the measure of devotion Is the size or splendor of the shrine. Spilling supplications, meat and wine My ancestors with deep emotion Worshiped as a magic potion Stones that smoothed their steps to the divine. Sparse to me...

. My inconsistent pharmacist, Administer that certain cure That can relax my hardened fist In doses sweet with taste impure. O give me something for the pain, My head thumps fast, my heart beats slow, Or take a glance into my brain, For only then you’ll really know Just how...

(All poems by Bruce Dale Wise) The Victory of Donald J. Trump in the 2020 U.S. Election by Erisbawdle Cue You can’t make something be so, if the numbers are all wrong. You can’t hide Waldo in a place where he does not belong. You can’t explain by obfuscating and...

. Benvenuto Cellini’s Salt-Cellar A woman sitting back, just mildly curious To hear a man’s contrived, seductive patter, Waiting to see what fabrications spurious He’s dreamt up now. It doesn’t really matter— She has no interest in him beyond this: The day is long, his chitchat passes time; In half...

. Humility Lo, I have seen the Muses plain. What need Have I to go on living?—’Twas in Rome: I touched the flesh (it was a holy deed) That Michelangelo shaped out of stone. O what a great and glorious legacy The Ancients left us!—beautiful and rare. But look at...