‘An Apple a day’ by Jeff Eardley

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The Internet’s a work of art,
Now everybody’s phone is smart.
They’re very compact, very small,
And so, begins a tale so tall.

For once upon a time, a gent,
A load of cash one day he spent.
Delighted now, he was to own,
A brand new, shiny Apple phone.

It truly was his heart’s delight,
He never let it from his sight.
But things would change within a week,
That night he went to take a leak.

For as he closed the bathroom door,
And placed his feet upon the floor.
His fancy phone did start to roll,
And wound up in the toilet bowl.

He plunged his hand inside to get,
The phone, which now was soaking wet.
But all his apps had disappeared,
His phone was weeping tiny tears.

A neighbour then dispensed advice,
“Just stick it in a bag of rice.
Your phone will de-humidify,
And very soon will be bone dry.”

So, courtesy of Uncle Ben,
He did as he was told, and then.
Inside a cupboard, there it sat,
The battery slowly going flat.

That very night, while sound asleep,
a burglar to his room did creep
So quick and nimble on his feet,
He rummaged round for things to eat.

A hearty meal he was in need,
To get back to his lair and feed.
He saw some rice, a nice big bag,
And placed it with his other swag.

He fancied something nice and hot,
He boiled the rice and scoffed the lot.
The phone, which in the rice was put,
It slithered down the burglar’s gut.

So now he often tells the tale,
Whilst supping on his pint of ale.
That crime itself will always pay,
Just eat an Apple every day!

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Jeff Eardley lives in the heart of England near to the Peak District National Park and is a local musician playing guitar, mandolin and piano steeped in the music of America, including the likes of Ry Cooder, Paul Simon and particularly Hank Williams.