Humor

Blessing in Disguise They catch each little misstep and with kindly, caring grace— they point out the right direction by gently getting in your face. And just in case, you've overlooked that vexsome fatal flaw, they take the time—to point it out: deftly hid, midst blah-blah-blah. They're sweet and giving—to...

To a Red-Winged Black Bird on the Advent of Spring For some a robin heralds in the Spring. Others: a crocus or a daffodil. My old man claims it’s when nightchirpers sing. The farmer cites the rain, the barnyard rill. I sense it when the maple-lines come down; when pruning-ladders...

. Visiting the Ruins of Tintagel Castle I wander through a forest deep __in Cornish countryside And think I see some elves asleep __And giants run to hide. The branches gnarled like magic wands, __Green velvet moss on trees, The ivy cloaks around the ponds, __Soft rocks bejewel the streams. I...

Blue Star Mama painted calm and clouded landscapes Before she wed, blue-green and grassy shapes, But these went by the board just after she Jumped off into the matrimonial sea. Later, Bach rocked the house and Chopin too, For as we grew up, that was what she’d do, Bringing us...

After E. T. A. Hoffman "Only connect..." E. M. Forster, Howard's End By Ewald E. Eisbruc The inner structure of the movements, working joint by joint, the way they all are linked together, toward a single point, th' interrelation of main themes, producing unity, beteem each listener to reach a new...

How much wheat can a woodchuck eat? Or cabbage, carrots, and peas, Spinach, parsley, peppers, and kale, Tomatoes, lettuce, n’ beans? What if he brings his family n’ friends? A party they will throw! So pack your bag and grab your hat— It’s off to market you go!   Connie...

  Celestial Teevee Something that’s always puzzled me: Does the Creator watch us on celestial teevee the way we watch Modern Family? If so, can He (She? It?) switch channels? (To other worlds, galactic variety shows?) When does He get up for beer and pretzels, since there are (I assume)...

  Songbirds Sing (Triolet Sonnet) As songbirds sing with joy of spring, unfolding blossoms show their hues. From my front porch the wind chimes ring as songbirds sing with joy of spring. Fresh colors cast on ev’rything— in shades of yellows, reds, and blues. As songbirds sing with joy of...

By Dona Fox It was Friday night. I fought my way across the campus through special effects left over from a Grade-B horror movie. Lightning shattered the sky as I entered the building. Thunder rumbled as I opened the classroom door. He was slouched on my desk, legs crossed, elbow...

  The World Is Still Too Much Too much, and much too much, it still goes on: The men and women who covet wealth and bling, And acquisition of each material thing, Yet search for some elusive paradigm Of Self as one with Nature. Rising seas And tempest winds instill...

When I struggle for sleep, I dust off a classic and try counting sheep: Trouble is, my sheep show off, they leap like Olympians over their feeding trough – They soar through the air, blending into the clouds, pirouette, land back down, where the rest of the animals wait, giving...

  Teaching the Inner Couplets of one Rumi Has left me truly desolate and gloomy. They say he’s great, this Sufi poet Rumi, But frankly, it is most astounding to me That anyone can read the text of Rumi Without becoming gaunt and pale and rheumy. Old Shakespeare might have...

  After college, in my job search I found A prestigious post in antiquities At the historic museum downtown (As a gift shop clerk, more accurately). In my second year, the docents told us A few rounds of layoffs were to be made. As store manager, I bore the onus...

  Says Simon Cowell (A Villanelle) “Which came first, the egg or fowl? This is what I’d like to know.” “Who cares?” says Simon Cowell. (Not so much “says” as speaks in growl) I care, I think, and tell him so -- “Which came first, the egg or fowl? An...

  Once Flew and Flown No More Such heights I once had seen and gusts of winds that caught my caution Through clouds above a world I didn't know And pressed towards horizons, body wrought with all exhaustion Soaring carelessly so far and long ago O'er ocean spray and hills...

  Haiku "You are what you eat!" That's what all of the books say Then I guess I'm nuts!   Naturally You walk into the beauty shop to get help for your hair, the receptionist greets you at the door and shows you to your chair. The beautician saunters over,...

  “Vexed by a verb!” I often vent, undeniably discontent. Let my quirky quote be the key to promoting a patent plea for the status I’d reinvent: Pairing “I am” with “years” has meant an identity I resent; being defined by age makes me vexed by a verb! The remedy...

Ballad: Our Crew of Two When we set forth, the breeze blew fair, The sun shone balmy, warm. Our sheets were fixed; sail filled with air, No warning of the storm. Our crew of two, so cheerfully, With confidence untried, Thought we could lick the strongest sea And still enjoy...

My Goldfish Has an MFA Roundel for Gillian My goldfish has an MFA; I got official notice just today. Of course, she cheated all the way, but, still, my goldfish has her MFA. She thought about a web-based MBA, but business ops collapse from day to day and life is...

  The gown and the date are set, caterers and florists I’ve met. The hall has been booked, no detail overlooked Wait...I don’t have a groom just yet!   There once was a very young rat who thought himself a big, black bat. So, he leapt off a chair and...

The Speaker Unaccustomed to Such Oratory Feats The speaker - unaccustomed to such oratory feats - cleared his throat, a bit too loudly, while he fumbled through his sheets. The crowd sensed, early on, that they were in for a rough ride - when he called the "ladies" "laddies" and...

  Scrabble-ism One night I was hangin’ with Len, Eating and watching t.v. All the pizza rolls gone, I then Suggested Monopoly. “That game is all luck!” he then said, Voice revealing some anger. “Scrabble,” Len suggested instead, To which “yes” was my answer. Scrabble is, no doubt, a great...

  Kitty staring at the tipped fishbowl (whoever felled it left not a hair), With no one home, what was, do you think, The mysterious force that toppled it there? I will honestly say I do not think That ghosts and such visit much these days Or that Petey Canary...

  Obi-Wan Bin Laden RIP Let’s remember what God wants: Killing people’s never right, So Obi-Wan Bin Laden then Cannot be a Jedi knight. To make folks free you face them straight - Backstabbing lacks God’s protocol; So Obi-Wan Bin Laden looks Like something that has lost its soul. He’s...

  Pacific Trash Vortex I don’t care about chemical sludges, I don’t care about plastic debris, the Pacific trash vortex is so far away, that it just doesn’t matter to me. So, the plastic is piled on the beaches, and the turtles are starting to choke, and the weather channel...

By Evan Mantyk I. I’m thinner than most cars you see, I do not guzzle as much gas, And if I ever want to flee, Between two cars I’ll eas’ly pass! What am I? II. I’m in the water but can’t swim, And on the beach, I play a lot;...

  So Far, So Good One friend fears his father’s Alzheimer fate, another prepares herself for the end while her husband tries not to cry or state she can’t leave, but for her sake he pretends he’s as cheerful as she, as impatient for her trouble and pain to fly...

  Hiding My Glee (Rondeau) Hiding my glee, lest my spouse see the merriment mulling in me. I’ll deftly deflect our next fight by delaying my lone delight that the winner’s my nominee. Elections won’t topple “Team We”: To heal the hurt, I’ll hopefully ponder his political plight hiding my...

  Aleppo By Cid Wa'eeb El Sur We will drain it dry as hay. Peace shall neither night nor day hang upon its pent-house lid; it shall be a place forbid. Weary seven months times nine, shall it dwindle, peak and pine. Though its spot cannot be lost, yet it...

  A Bear in My Living Room While playing some computer games One day, I heard a noise out in The living room. I frowned, but paused And went to see. To my chagrin A bear was squatting on the floor And doing what he had to do. And I...

Growing Up So lucky they used to say, and it was when it was rare. But now there’s way too much gray in the thinning crop of hair. And why must you now choose here of all the places to grow? Count it all a little queer to trim an...

There was a king who sought to enter Law, for as he noshed a cone of Rocky Road, the Emperor of Ice-Cream froze his jaws & caused the Queen to love pie á la mode. The Court’s legates cold Caesar’s claim endowed when, like sorbet in August heat, they fixed...

A Rhyme Crime An old man once curtly said, "I wouldn't give a dime for poetry that has rhyme." A rhyme nut killed him dead. Now his widow mourns past times as she hears the rhyme nut's rhymes. "My love, you're too pretty not to live in the city. "Come with...

  Paean to “ODE TO JOY”* I heard the “Ode to Joy” today, ten thousand times at least. I could not hold my heart at bay, engorging on a feast of melody, of majesty, of rhythmic palpitations, while soaring in full harmony with Heaven’s exaltations. The clustered chords embraced my...

My Mirror Grinned (Rondeau) My mirror grinned at my first grey. With rearing youth, it’s my first fray. Disturbed, with care I plucked that bane, next day to find one more, again! I cried and sighed and went astray! That’s how began my darkest day with whitest hair and day...

  Gathering like large and lazy vultures they asked me, on my travels, where I’m from — my origins, religion and my culture the place from which I came, so forth, and on. But how to answer them? For I existed before spermatozoa met an egg. I come from letters,...

Will Power When God asked Solomon one day     What his heart did most desire, The man said if he had his way     Unmatched wisdom he’d acquire. Now some might quibble with that choice     (I’d certainly not demur), But what would make me most rejoice     Is moderate will power. Helpful it...

  Ice I open my golden flowing fins,     I dance beneath the ice, I dip and twirl and pose and spin:     Tell me, don’t I look nice? Look at me! a glistening fish     flowing fancy and free: I know if you could have a wish     you’d be pretty as me....

Old age recycles the body An infant once pink turns blue Nature recalls with rapid speed To complete life’s circle anew Fuzzy hairs on baldy top Steps and thoughts are staid Alpha becomes Omega When life’s mean trick is played Baby teeth are whisked away Clacking dentures enter in Waking...

Petals in the Winter Three petals on a lily like the snow were held aloft And though the wind through window whipped it so just one fell off Two petals on that lily blue lamented on the sill But through and through Though grief be true It grew that flower...