Humor

There was a king who sought to enter Law, for as he noshed a cone of Rocky Road, the Emperor of Ice-Cream froze his jaws & caused the Queen to love pie á la mode. The Court’s legates cold Caesar’s claim endowed when, like sorbet in August heat, they fixed...

A Rhyme Crime An old man once curtly said, "I wouldn't give a dime for poetry that has rhyme." A rhyme nut killed him dead. Now his widow mourns past times as she hears the rhyme nut's rhymes. "My love, you're too pretty not to live in the city. "Come with...

  Paean to “ODE TO JOY”* I heard the “Ode to Joy” today, ten thousand times at least. I could not hold my heart at bay, engorging on a feast of melody, of majesty, of rhythmic palpitations, while soaring in full harmony with Heaven’s exaltations. The clustered chords embraced my...

My Mirror Grinned (Rondeau) My mirror grinned at my first grey. With rearing youth, it’s my first fray. Disturbed, with care I plucked that bane, next day to find one more, again! I cried and sighed and went astray! That’s how began my darkest day with whitest hair and day...

  Gathering like large and lazy vultures they asked me, on my travels, where I’m from — my origins, religion and my culture the place from which I came, so forth, and on. But how to answer them? For I existed before spermatozoa met an egg. I come from letters,...

Will Power When God asked Solomon one day     What his heart did most desire, The man said if he had his way     Unmatched wisdom he’d acquire. Now some might quibble with that choice     (I’d certainly not demur), But what would make me most rejoice     Is moderate will power. Helpful it...

  Ice I open my golden flowing fins,     I dance beneath the ice, I dip and twirl and pose and spin:     Tell me, don’t I look nice? Look at me! a glistening fish     flowing fancy and free: I know if you could have a wish     you’d be pretty as me....

Old age recycles the body An infant once pink turns blue Nature recalls with rapid speed To complete life’s circle anew Fuzzy hairs on baldy top Steps and thoughts are staid Alpha becomes Omega When life’s mean trick is played Baby teeth are whisked away Clacking dentures enter in Waking...

Petals in the Winter Three petals on a lily like the snow were held aloft And though the wind through window whipped it so just one fell off Two petals on that lily blue lamented on the sill But through and through Though grief be true It grew that flower...

This dieting can be Hell With nary a late-night snack I wage a constant battle When the hunger pangs attack And should I dare venture out To the neighbourhood café The waitress takes my order And “salad” is what I say When at the farmers’ market I’m careful where I...

Related Content 'Trump' Presidential Prophecy Poem by Nostradamus Donald Trump (A Clerihew*) Donald “The Donald” Trump Surprisingly took to the political stump What is, perhaps, not as great a surprise Is that he should thrive in a realm ruled by lies. *A clerihew is a whimsical 4-line verse about a...

No one can hate you like a former spouse. It sounds like a country-western song, I know, but no one can mutter you’re such a louse as an ex-lover who swears, “What a souse, and if I tried to say a word, he’d go, ‘How’d you like to be a...

  So to Speak My teen-aged son talks not as I do; I cannot teach him, yet I try to. If I should use subjunctive mood, He indicates an attitude. Instruction in the active voice Is met with his more passive choice. When I distinguish “different from” From “different than,”...

To some the world revolves around them, And nothing else can matter. They’ll do anything to reach that end, Including endless idle chatter. They walk around like “Hey look at me.” And are only happy when you do. They’re like an exhibit for all to see, Like an animal in...

Go Forth, Graduates! To all you graduates, fare well! This world is yours today. Don’t follow the masses who sell Their minds or don cliché For meaning. The sky is crimson But not dark, the body Sick but not dead. Summon Your courage and join me! Get ready for the...

  If anything I could choose to be, certainly the pig I would choose; with an oink and a roll in the mud, of me, no man would accuse gloominess, misery, or grief. I would wake up in a bed of muck with no stress, no need of relief, and...

  1.  The Man There’s a little village up north,     yet untouched by modern strains, Where plain folk in stilted thatched huts,     lived midst fields of yellow grains, Now the best known of this poor lot     was an aged but gentle souse, Who was hired to tend the five rooms...

Unripe Deceived are we by the state of the skin, when overly reliant on our eyes. Of greater concern is what lies within, under the surface we find the true prize. A gentle squeeze applied to test the fruit, we learned the skill at a tender young age. In relationships...

Dear George, If only you were living at this hour, Day, week, month, year. These times are newly strange— Hilarious, but not. You had prime power To forge a nation, though within the range Of law. Good whisky and false teeth might help Us muddle through an age without decorum,...

 After Phoebe Cary, after Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.      Tell me not, in scolding shouts,     Education is an empty dream, For the brain is dead that doubts,     And things are not what they seem. Married life is real, earnest ;     Though one must not forget to learn ; Taken from love,...

Roly-Poly Talking on the telephone, a mother missed her baby Wait a sec, I’ll go and check And call you back, Jack, Maybe? Walking down the passageway, she thought she heard a noise She slid a paw around the door And looked in on Her boys. She saw Bubs first,...

  A Fifteen-Year-Old's Response to Frost "This 'pome' don't make NO sense! What junk!" the scowling students muttered. "Two roads in the woods!" one hissed. "Such bunk"-- opinions rudely uttered. I quelled the urge to hurl my book. I said, "Can't you surmise what they might mean? Let's take a...

1.) The prankster's favorite home decor, Clockwise or counter, the choice is yours. Never eaten, found in bowls. Around I go, I'm on a roll. What am I? ANSWER   2.) A flightless bird, born in the east. I do not chirp, molt or feast. Stationery, at peace, unmoving if...

  They tweet like a bird, have books of your face, and Kindle who? I can hardly remember which TV button to touch. I simply don’t understand how to google or text you, or send instant telegrams in seconds; it’s just too much! So, it’s better if I keep to...

Igor at the Kitchen Sink By Alecsei Durbew I saw him washing dishes at the sink. He stood against the smooth, white countertop, and tan, wood cabinet below his pink thick, stalwart legs—bull in a china shop. O, he was not Prince Hamlet at the court, but rather more Prince...

Models for Configuring Friendship A knight for whom the Grail is wholly you; the one who greets you sans your power, might; who never counts the favors that accrue; adheres to you whatever is your plight. An audience for fear, for woe, for laugh; an egger on, abettor of your...

Squinters The curious the contemplators the ones who concentrate on the littlest details. The most beautiful thing about them is how they space out and their attention is unattainable. While the others dismiss things as useless activities the squinters wish to figure out the world and how we revolve around...

ATLASUSA “Material of this sort is best read aloud.” – Frank Fortky The postal gurus are creative and clever. Our Massachusetts-Pennsylvania family Brought forth a Maine addition – MA & PA, and ME. Per partly pluperfect plus purely preposterous purpose, State names will be spelled with two letters forever. Of...

The band struck up for the comical clowns! They all sported wigs, red noses, and frowns And from painted mouths uttered sad cries. Then the fools threw water and custard pies In riotous ribaldry: mad, bad, and bold! The laughter and fun began to unfold; The children giggled; a vast...

A news report here provides some background on China Radio Like Radio Free Europe, Which popped the wax Plugs from deafened Soviet ears, And warmed their sterile souls With tales of liberty, China Radio wafts as pleasant song Through the ears of benighted Europeans, Australians, Canadians, and Americans, Especially Americans...

Beneath the Mask Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde A mask is worn to hide one’s face from the surly light of day but if you open up your mind, you’ll see...

When You Have Reached the Bottom By R. Lee Ubicwedas When you have hit rock bottom, you have nothing left to lose. You gain experience and wisdom that you now can use. You have a choice how to react when you have fallen down. Forced to confront the hard things,...

  Political Banter Once again it’s that time of year, When political banter seems the rage. When otherwise normal people, Try to come off as some worldly sage. I have friends who are really nice folks, Any other time of the year. But, once they start with the political rants,...

The God Morpheus vs. The Little Baby Kuppy You'd think in such a fight - no contest To be sure - immortal gods happen not To happen, but have always been best And around to give humans their best shot. That's it - perhaps complacency, the sense That once in...

To Hell with the Hoi Polloi A droll from the Man of Mode To hell with the hoi polloi, I say, democracy is démodé; aristocrats, by troth, know best, who needs a scurvy IQ test? A pox upon the under-class, salute the King and raise a glass; the Devil take...

Volkswagen has admitted to rigging as many as 11 million vehicles with illegal software that cheats on emission tests.   Lies and half-truths? Daily fayre But for pious folk it’s only fair If you peddle wares upon our trust When you’re caught you should be bust. Someone must have made...

Winter Smoke Winter smoke and little houses Drawing blinds against the dark The cold, the crying wind Against a stark White moon Winter smoke. Wispy phantoms Casting a ghostly veil Of patterned, ancient symbols Against a pale White moon Sweet-scented turf recalling Times more pleasingly mellow Winter smoke reaching the...

For 30 more riddles click here. I. I may not have a large population Compared to China or the United States, But more than those two or any nation I’ve more coastline and freshwater supplies. What country am I? II. On this exact day, the year’s half over, The cold...

Ideology is a disease, Impervious to reason, An infection known to seize One in the election season. It has alas no known cure, This paralysis of the brain, No thought is allowed to stir If it runs against the grain. Left untreated it will spread Far and wide o’er the...

Rare Dreams I'm looking through the window of a plane in which I've never been, nor ever will; staring beyond a wing that is not there into a sky I've never seen nor care to see again; above clouds strangely still, dropping a soft and steady soothing rain upon the...