Humor

Petals in the Winter Three petals on a lily like the snow were held aloft And though the wind through window whipped it so just one fell off Two petals on that lily blue lamented on the sill But through and through Though grief be true It grew that flower...

This dieting can be Hell With nary a late-night snack I wage a constant battle When the hunger pangs attack And should I dare venture out To the neighbourhood café The waitress takes my order And “salad” is what I say When at the farmers’ market I’m careful where I...

Related Content 'Trump' Presidential Prophecy Poem by Nostradamus Donald Trump (A Clerihew*) Donald “The Donald” Trump Surprisingly took to the political stump What is, perhaps, not as great a surprise Is that he should thrive in a realm ruled by lies. *A clerihew is a whimsical 4-line verse about a...

No one can hate you like a former spouse. It sounds like a country-western song, I know, but no one can mutter you’re such a louse as an ex-lover who swears, “What a souse, and if I tried to say a word, he’d go, ‘How’d you like to be a...

  So to Speak My teen-aged son talks not as I do; I cannot teach him, yet I try to. If I should use subjunctive mood, He indicates an attitude. Instruction in the active voice Is met with his more passive choice. When I distinguish “different from” From “different than,”...

To some the world revolves around them, And nothing else can matter. They’ll do anything to reach that end, Including endless idle chatter. They walk around like “Hey look at me.” And are only happy when you do. They’re like an exhibit for all to see, Like an animal in...

Go Forth, Graduates! To all you graduates, fare well! This world is yours today. Don’t follow the masses who sell Their minds or don cliché For meaning. The sky is crimson But not dark, the body Sick but not dead. Summon Your courage and join me! Get ready for the...

  If anything I could choose to be, certainly the pig I would choose; with an oink and a roll in the mud, of me, no man would accuse gloominess, misery, or grief. I would wake up in a bed of muck with no stress, no need of relief, and...

  1.  The Man There’s a little village up north,     yet untouched by modern strains, Where plain folk in stilted thatched huts,     lived midst fields of yellow grains, Now the best known of this poor lot     was an aged but gentle souse, Who was hired to tend the five rooms...

Unripe Deceived are we by the state of the skin, when overly reliant on our eyes. Of greater concern is what lies within, under the surface we find the true prize. A gentle squeeze applied to test the fruit, we learned the skill at a tender young age. In relationships...

Dear George, If only you were living at this hour, Day, week, month, year. These times are newly strange— Hilarious, but not. You had prime power To forge a nation, though within the range Of law. Good whisky and false teeth might help Us muddle through an age without decorum,...

 After Phoebe Cary, after Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.      Tell me not, in scolding shouts,     Education is an empty dream, For the brain is dead that doubts,     And things are not what they seem. Married life is real, earnest ;     Though one must not forget to learn ; Taken from love,...

Roly-Poly Talking on the telephone, a mother missed her baby Wait a sec, I’ll go and check And call you back, Jack, Maybe? Walking down the passageway, she thought she heard a noise She slid a paw around the door And looked in on Her boys. She saw Bubs first,...

  A Fifteen-Year-Old's Response to Frost "This 'pome' don't make NO sense! What junk!" the scowling students muttered. "Two roads in the woods!" one hissed. "Such bunk"-- opinions rudely uttered. I quelled the urge to hurl my book. I said, "Can't you surmise what they might mean? Let's take a...

1.) The prankster's favorite home decor, Clockwise or counter, the choice is yours. Never eaten, found in bowls. Around I go, I'm on a roll. What am I? ANSWER   2.) A flightless bird, born in the east. I do not chirp, molt or feast. Stationery, at peace, unmoving if...

  They tweet like a bird, have books of your face, and Kindle who? I can hardly remember which TV button to touch. I simply don’t understand how to google or text you, or send instant telegrams in seconds; it’s just too much! So, it’s better if I keep to...

Igor at the Kitchen Sink By Alecsei Durbew I saw him washing dishes at the sink. He stood against the smooth, white countertop, and tan, wood cabinet below his pink thick, stalwart legs—bull in a china shop. O, he was not Prince Hamlet at the court, but rather more Prince...

Models for Configuring Friendship A knight for whom the Grail is wholly you; the one who greets you sans your power, might; who never counts the favors that accrue; adheres to you whatever is your plight. An audience for fear, for woe, for laugh; an egger on, abettor of your...

Squinters The curious the contemplators the ones who concentrate on the littlest details. The most beautiful thing about them is how they space out and their attention is unattainable. While the others dismiss things as useless activities the squinters wish to figure out the world and how we revolve around...

ATLASUSA “Material of this sort is best read aloud.” – Frank Fortky The postal gurus are creative and clever. Our Massachusetts-Pennsylvania family Brought forth a Maine addition – MA & PA, and ME. Per partly pluperfect plus purely preposterous purpose, State names will be spelled with two letters forever. Of...

The band struck up for the comical clowns! They all sported wigs, red noses, and frowns And from painted mouths uttered sad cries. Then the fools threw water and custard pies In riotous ribaldry: mad, bad, and bold! The laughter and fun began to unfold; The children giggled; a vast...

A news report here provides some background on China Radio Like Radio Free Europe, Which popped the wax Plugs from deafened Soviet ears, And warmed their sterile souls With tales of liberty, China Radio wafts as pleasant song Through the ears of benighted Europeans, Australians, Canadians, and Americans, Especially Americans...

Beneath the Mask Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde A mask is worn to hide one’s face from the surly light of day but if you open up your mind, you’ll see...

When You Have Reached the Bottom By R. Lee Ubicwedas When you have hit rock bottom, you have nothing left to lose. You gain experience and wisdom that you now can use. You have a choice how to react when you have fallen down. Forced to confront the hard things,...

  Political Banter Once again it’s that time of year, When political banter seems the rage. When otherwise normal people, Try to come off as some worldly sage. I have friends who are really nice folks, Any other time of the year. But, once they start with the political rants,...

The God Morpheus vs. The Little Baby Kuppy You'd think in such a fight - no contest To be sure - immortal gods happen not To happen, but have always been best And around to give humans their best shot. That's it - perhaps complacency, the sense That once in...

To Hell with the Hoi Polloi A droll from the Man of Mode To hell with the hoi polloi, I say, democracy is démodé; aristocrats, by troth, know best, who needs a scurvy IQ test? A pox upon the under-class, salute the King and raise a glass; the Devil take...

Volkswagen has admitted to rigging as many as 11 million vehicles with illegal software that cheats on emission tests.   Lies and half-truths? Daily fayre But for pious folk it’s only fair If you peddle wares upon our trust When you’re caught you should be bust. Someone must have made...

Winter Smoke Winter smoke and little houses Drawing blinds against the dark The cold, the crying wind Against a stark White moon Winter smoke. Wispy phantoms Casting a ghostly veil Of patterned, ancient symbols Against a pale White moon Sweet-scented turf recalling Times more pleasingly mellow Winter smoke reaching the...

For 30 more riddles click here. I. I may not have a large population Compared to China or the United States, But more than those two or any nation I’ve more coastline and freshwater supplies. What country am I? II. On this exact day, the year’s half over, The cold...

Ideology is a disease, Impervious to reason, An infection known to seize One in the election season. It has alas no known cure, This paralysis of the brain, No thought is allowed to stir If it runs against the grain. Left untreated it will spread Far and wide o’er the...

Rare Dreams I'm looking through the window of a plane in which I've never been, nor ever will; staring beyond a wing that is not there into a sky I've never seen nor care to see again; above clouds strangely still, dropping a soft and steady soothing rain upon the...

Poetry, arguably the most powerful form of communication ever devised by mankind, has died. It was thousands of years old. Poetry died yesterday after a prolonged illness. Trapped in a meaningless, vegetative state for some time, feeding tubes were removed, allowing Poetry to die with dignity. Aristotle once wrote, “Poetry...

Do forgive me strange little man If I’d rather remove your hands Than risk a trip to the clinic For laying with one so unhygienic Who must slumber with hounds at night To have contracted such a parasite. Tis not me who should be bested. But surely tis you who...

Tanka By Ue "Bird Claws" Ee In dim morning light, attracting mates, warning males, dawn's choir's singing— liquid-silver jingling— nature's alarm clock...ringing.   On a Piece of Johannes Brahms By Ewald E. Eisbruc Hungarian Dance Number 5 in F# Minor was not a traditional folksong, but based on the csárdás,...

The Cherry Blooms in Central Park In Central Park the cherries now Are hung with blooms along the slough, And stand around the reservoir, Pink and white Spring avatars. Now of my three-score years and ten I’ve outlived many better men; I’m over-the average hill by five.... I wonder why...

. . Bay from Berkeley Slate blue blustered inland sea Water from the rivers be Sea of salt and rain ashore Many waters, oceans roar. Slate green gusted inland sea Berkeley roof, fraternity Rising sun to light and warm Morning of a coming storm. White cap tufted inland sea Windy...

The Lumberman by Bud "Weasel" Rice I saw him resting up against a giant gray-brown stump, the lumberman was pausing from his haul, hitch, heave and hump. He stood there in the sunlit forest, head turned to the sun, eyes closed, an upright, peaceful dude; his trunk and limbs glowed...

Burrowed down in leaves of brown piled by the garden wall, our Billy cat dreamed of a rat he’d chased down through the hall. Up from the creek came Max the dog, exhausted from his run, but hearing purring at the wall resolved to have some fun. So with a...

  Salazar Sneed Salazar Sneed was a man of great need Who traded holey shoes for a pocket of beads. With the beads he then went to the market and bought A pancake pan that was cast iron wrought. The pan he then gave with a wink and a smile...