Painted, woody there it stands,
this door behind which kingdom fans.
Bright with order, calm with ease,
a wooden plank with hidden seas.
A plight to pick which path is best,
the fallen stairs or the door’s behest.
I write to you in ink to say,
take the path which behind me lay.
The prickled thorns against your legs
won’t ebb insistence in your days.
Don’t make ado of what is trite,
this path reflects its own scattered light.
Venture forth, seek new skies,
the journey stretched before you lies.
Shannon Rose Cummings hails from Kansas City and retires to her propensity for poetry after 5pm. More of her poetry can be found on her blog, rosepoems.net.
A lovely poem. Thank you.
As with most modern poetry, I do not seek to understand. a poem’s a thing to either be enjoyed or passed over. It’s a nice poem but lacks the energy to gain interest.
My comment would be the exact reverse of Mr. Dyson’s. Your poem has a unique energy, but is not “nice.|
You don’t want a “nice” poem. What you want to achieve is a
memorable, thought-provoking poem, which this poem of yours almost is. Meter and rhyme got off the track in several places; please go back and use an eagle eye to catch those places.
What you have now is what I would call a good first draft. It deserves to he brought to fruition.
I agree with you and Mr. Dyson.
Go figure.
I do, however, think that “nice” can be memorable and thought-provoking.
Shannon, Hello. I agree with Sally that the poem needs to be developed. Here are my thoughts. I would put a comma after “woody.” I don’t understand the meaning of lines 2, 3 & 4. I don’t think “plight” fits, since it means a difficult or unfortunate situation. Perhaps: “The trick’s to pick which path is best.” I don’t understand “door’s behest.” The words “in ink” appear to be filler, since they don’t convey any meaning that’s related to the rest of the story (and there’s no word that rhymes with “ink” in the middle of the following line to provide sonic enjoyment). I think of “ebb” as an intransitive verb, and you appear to be using it as a transitive verb. I would definitely change legs/days to a perfect rhyme. I’ve never heard “make ado.” Perhaps: “Do not make much of what is trite.” To improve the meter in line 13, perhaps: “Venture forth and seek new skies.” The poem has potential. I like the title, the theme and the images. Good luck with it!