Humor

. Not the Same Thing Anymore Of most who go to school these days __It sadly must be stated, No longer can they be appraised __As being educated. . . Kids’ Most Common Mistake The most common mistake that young people can make __And some kids sadly do it a lot, Is believe...

. Autumn Reversed Once snowflakes have recrystalized,__they rise from where they fell;in Earth’s alternate universe__it’s early winter’s knell. The frost unfreezes, rain unfalls,__leaves littering the groundascend into the naked trees__and soon become unbrowned. As acorns torn from squirrels’ paws__unripen in the boughsof oaks de-ageing, dairy maids__unmilk the oom-ing cows. Then crops befall de-harvesting__and...

. What Mother Goose Neglected to Mention . A Soup Spoon Reflects upon His Past So the dish ran away with the spoon, we were told, __And he treated her well, bless his soul, But he realized, when he was tarnished and old, __That he should’ve run off with the...

. Cutie Pie Cat The pink-nosed face of Prospero my cat, Pink nose and white fur face, is what he rubs Against me, purring.  He does not know that I love him since he’s cute.  My finger scrubs His whiskers and his ears because I think He likes that kind...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and baskets, Which could fill the entire Colosseum; Plus, amphoras and armor and caskets. All are...

. Devotions Night after night, for nigh a year, When bedtime came, we’d watch our child Be overcome by his emotions: From glee, to rage, to childish fear, And us both stumped: What drove him so wild __And triggered these explosions? He needed more than bedtime prayer To climb down...

. Light Wave Heatwave When the temperature rises, a worker despises __The withering glare of the sun. When the sweat’s so profuse that our skin is a sluice, __Even golf and croquet ain’t no fun. A jug of cool water grows hotter and hotter __As Sol makes his way up...

. Supply and Demand Infinite happiness isn’t available. Something so precious just isn’t that scalable. Boundless dismay, though, is much more attainable. Being uncoveted, pain is quite gainable. . . Off Day The best that I can do today Is leak a sigh of lost dismay And wish that it...

. Garden Party The sparrows near the feeder flit and preen While predators politely quit the scene. A mockingbird is chirping up a storm, And soft drinks on the cart are getting warm. The worms beneath the mulch are lying low, But old cock robin knows just where to go...

. The Mannequins Are Melting The mannequins are melting as we speak Now that the summer heat wave's at its peak. __While passing by the clothing store __This afternoon at half past four, I saw the havoc waves of heat can wreak--- Wax statues melting in their own boutique. There...

. Washington Assumes Command at Cambridge from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 Devoted Billy Lee, a stalking fox, Observed his master’s swaying ponytail. The ribbon coming loose, he stopped to fix It, leaning sideways on the narrow trail As Washington, colossal, sat astraddle. On reaching Cambridge to assume command, This...

. Cold Blooded Murder It is a hot and muggy Sort of Texas day. Time to do my stalking And hunting down my prey. I’m armed and dangerous. My weapon I half-hide. When killing I am cautious And patiently abide. The blood flows to my eyes. I sharply squint to...

. Washington Departs from Mount Vernon from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 “Wouldn’t you rather stay?” Watching her doveOf sixteen summers, Martha’s hazels, tearingAway from patriarchal pupils, doveBelow to scan the roses. Turning, tearingUp, she observed the clear Potomac wind.Pale bluish grays, so often hard as lead,Had softened, tracking her...

. It’s All Her Fault ---with a nod to Eleanor Brown's "Bitcherel" Why write in meter when penning a poem, __You ask me, so here’s my reply: When I drop the rapturous roll of a rhythm __My muse fades away with a sigh. Some muses are fans of haphazard eruptions---...

. My Vacation Trip in Verse by James A. Tweedie One of the comments in response to the recent “On the Meeting of Poets” post read: “A diary in verse. It’s original and interesting. I’d like to see more.” Since I journaled in verse that recent trip my wife and...

. Second Chances Just know that you’ve been staked a second chance At any time the future’s looking muddy. Put on your shoes and socks, and join the dance. Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth, askance, Pretending you can’t work for anybody Who thinks you’ve not been staked a...

. The Small Commission When school yearbooks are thrust forth to be signed, We give out life advice. We speak our mind, And charge our classmates to keep some small vow: “Recall our good times!” “Stay as you are now!” As Christ did with his Great Commission bind His church...

. Washington and the Cherry Tree from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 Young George chopped down his father’s cherry tree, Not knowing that a woman lived inside. While playing with his hatchet, too carefree Out in the garden plot, he swung in wide And chipped a piece of bark from...

. Problem Child Barley and hops acquainted, meet, __And yeast completes the marriage. Soon happy news as something brews __With keg for baby carriage. Where he appears good cheer is found; __When gone, he's always missed. However with time and on the ground, __You’ll find him properly pissed. The loud...

. Anniversary Remembrance Sometimes I envy them the lives they lived, the death they died: They perished at the peak of lovers’ hopes and nuptial pride--- No growing old for that glad monarch or his happy bride. Some twenty years ago at summer’s end I saw them glide In glory...

. A Town The difficulty of describing how This town was then, may only be because So little happened there, compared to now, Though what occurred (the bustle and the buzz) Filled every room in each small house and more To overflowing with the acts of people Engaged in vicious...

. I Need My Coffee  I need my coffee; don’t get in the way Of that which wakes me up and makes me tick. Addicted? Yes. I’ll quit another day. I’ve work to do; on task I need to stay. My morning  cup of Joe gives me that kick. I...

. Miss Jewell’s Suicide ---from a story by George Gissing The chipped and mismatched crockery,Two boiled eggs and tepid tea,A single slice of buttered toastWith marmalade—a dab at most—And oatmeal porridge barely warm:Such is breakfast’s pallid normHere in a low-rent boarding houseWhere lodgers live sans friend or spouse. Miss Jewell...

. The Rise of Washington from Legends of Liberty, Volume 3 IT’S TIME! Let’s give our story’s star some space. He’s famous through the land, you know his role: “A fire in his eyes, a light in his face,” Eternal Heaven destined him to rule. His birth miraculous, his father...

. Were She to Ask, and I Affirm Were she to ask, and I affirm That I'd still love her as a worm, I'd make it clear (because my dear Has Northern Cardinals to fear) The Robins and the Starlings Would die before my darling's Tears went down her little...

. Four Letter Words My dad was smart, my dad was wise; He crossed his t’s and dotted i’s. His grammar skills were without taint. And he did not say y’all or ain’t. He taught an English class to teens (In a suit and never jeans). “Raise your hand, do...

. Reward for How You Live from Italo Calvino’s Italian folktale “Gesù e San Pietro in Friuli” One night, while traveling on a mountain road, two wanderers came upon a small abode. The vagrants, Jesus and Saint Peter, knocked. The house’s occupant then came, unlocked the door, and opened it...

. The Day the Roofers Came He fled the day the roofers came. His fur was fluffed and frizzy. He whizzed across the busy lawn so quick it made me dizzy. The slam and clang and hammer bang had left him in a tizzy. I searched the day the roofers...

. . Little Boy Blue . Original Version Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn, The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn. Where is the boy who looks after the sheep? He's under a haystack, fast asleep. Will you wake him? No, not I, For if I...

. Phone Home I often talk to radio astronomers, The kind of guys who like to stay anonymous, Who chew on reams of stellar data every day From objects, many million, zillion miles away. In England’s fields, we have the famous Jodrell Bank; This mighty dish could hold a thousand...

. A Tiny Tabby Beside our garden’s scalloped fence, where English Ivy’s vines are dense, we viewed an unexpected sight; a mini tiger, gold and white! This morning’s new, bewildered guest, abandoned here and quite distressed, kept yowling panic-stricken sounds, surveying unfamiliar grounds. “Investigate!” demanded they who’ve never had to...

. I Saw a Naked Wood Nymph I sat down in the forest, a picnic in the shade. I saw a naked wood nymph flitting across the glade. I dropped my sandwich there laying on the ground. I went to chase the wood nymph; whose beauty was profound. I found...

. I Never Do a Happy Dance I never do a happy dance, Or look online to find romance, Speak my sentences upended, Or keep saying I’m offended, Check my email every hour, Never seeing tree or flower, Drink my coffee on the run, Keep myself out of the sun....

. 1. Just off the cuff, I’d cap the alcoholic swill __Before it calls your bluff and saps your will. . 2. The dead, although their tongues are somewhat tied, Might know already all you might confide. . 3. The past, its spoonful bittersweet, doesn’t let things slide; It’s at...

. King George III Declares War from Legends of Liberty, Volume 2 Note: The British have won a pyrrhic victory at Bunker Hill. King George, who has been showing some erratic personality quirks since being possessed by a roach (the Devil), heads to Parliament. Enlisting the aid of Col. Banastre...

. Dishing Out Advice Why are there always dishes in the sink? So lazy and undisciplined. You’d think they might show just a little more respect and know that household members will object. But there they are, just sitting in the way, with all their dirty pals, as if to...

. Epicure's Delight A wondrous day, my love, is this— An afternoon of utter bliss! The two of us alone at last Embracing tightly, holding fast! The setting sun could scarcely vie To match the fire in your eye. No tender blossoms can compete With loins like yours, so soft...

. To a Beet I sing the bristled hedgehog grainno horticulture can explain,with six sly seedlings in its brain:__the unborn beet.  That hook-and-hollow hydra seed, a spiny knell to nascent weeds;nor leaf nor rootlet can impede__those fuchsia feet. I sing the painted plum-wine sproutsthat spring aloft---as one, no doubt---outrageous rings that...

. A Curse Against a Thief from the Carmina Burana Let the thief who stole my cap be by death collected: Let it happen suddenly, and be unexpected; After death, to endless pain let him be subjected; Once he’s gone may Paradise consider him rejected. Let the thief who stole...

. A Divine Mistake? Dear Father up in Heaven, Why create thou rats. Six times out of seven They even scare the cats. Why create thy creature’s eye So beady and so small, With no redeeming features, Why create thou them at all. Your works indeed delight us, How constant...