Satire

. Snowflakes on the Campus Snowflakes on the campus. Snowflakes in the hall. Snowflakes were insulted. Watch the snowflakes bawl! “Political correctness was breached by someone mean!” See the melting snowflakes, run to see the Dean. Snowflakes have no manners, make a lot of noise. Want their college paid for,...

. Some Post-Animated Protestations of Goliath of Gath Firstly, I protest That this protestation Is useless nonetheless. Secondly, I object To prejudice pronounced In so-called holy text. Thirdly, I revolt Against the pipsqueak king Whose crown was not my fault. Fourthly, I dismiss All Jewish, idle tales That boast of...

. One Law Away Everyone can agree that we all disagree. __We don’t see what we see quite the same. We all think that we’re right so we can’t help but fight __and incite against those who we blame. It should be no surprise when new conflicts arise __but some...

. Crackpot Clown a villanelle     “Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung”  ---P. T. Barnum The blue moons wax and steely spirits wane As brown-nosed asses bloviate and bray. The crackpot clown grows ever more insane. The White House walls are smeared with stale cocaine. The...

. Formulas for Failure I’ve seen too much of devastating failure, In almost every avenue of life. One might guess lack of skill the main derailer, But that’s not even close to what’s most rife. A bigger reason’s lack of confidence, You must have strong belief that you’ll succeed. A...

. To Michael Burch: The Hillbilly Voice of Liberalism Mike Burch hates the stuff we write, Abuses us at his website, Spouting venom, bile, and spite Like some manic troglodyte. Here’s my answer to the prick (I hope it cuts him to the quick). Mike, you’re envious and sick And...

. The Emperor's New Chromosomes The Emperor would be remade; He felt if he could be a maid He’d be more loved and find relief. His maleness brought him nought but grief. Two doctors showed up sharp as nails. “Good Emperor, we’ve heard your wails. Our answer to your royal...

. Poorer by the Day a villanelle They pay in promises they will betray; A scam as cold and ancient as the sea. While those who work grow poorer by the day, Their masters mint fool’s gold to give away To marks too selfish, starved or blind to see They’ve...

. Sonnet I Our arms are leaves stretched out; our thoughts can bloom The grandest only when we crowd out those Who have been planted in a place of doom— Perhaps for something only Heaven knows. While growing up and finding our own way In life, each cannot help but...

. Via Appia Beneath the pines of Rome, the wrinkled sibyl will croak your future for eleven cents, and with her finger in the dust will scribble predictions of uncertain consequence. But go near, fix your eyes on her immense eyes, clear blue like the Roman sky but colder: you’ll...

. ***** The Red Hotel has blood on ev’ry floor Where ev’ry room is numbered 666 And blood-greased door knobs bolting every door Suspend a blood red sign of ZZZ So slaving cleaners need not knock to fix The bleeding fat pretense of sanctuary. The bloody owners of The Red...

. On Silicon Avenue The lawns on Silicon Avenue were mowed on Wednesdays. All the hedges, too, were cut. On Thursdays cars were polished till they glowed, or else you got a bullet in the gut. The Sheriff-Bots were programmed to instil in urban folk a sense of civic pride;...

. The Park The Park he’d built, which hovered overhead, Went far beyond the scope of any to That time constructed.  Architects were bred For several generations: some were wed To siblings just to purify the strain Of perfect planners able to pursue This massive project.  Sure and steady grew...

. Me and My Pronouns Pronouns—I’ve gotten rather tired of them. Not quite so tired, though, as of being queried as to mine. “He,” “him,” “his”—why can’t I hem them up, the lot of them, and have them buried? I hereby put my foot down: from now on I’ll have...

. The White House Coke Though Hunter left his laptop at the shop, The Woke deny he lost his White House coke, And call the chance of Joe partaking nil--- Has anyone drug tested Dr. Jill? . . On Second Thought I’d like to be the type of guy Whose...

. Peace For Our Time "I believe it is peace for our time... Go home and get a nice quiet sleep." ---Neville Chamberlain “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last.” ---Winston Churchill. A triumph, yes, a veritable smash! From Munich I convey peace...

. The Billboard a pantoum It’s propped along the route I roll— A squatting square against the sky, Atop a sturdy metal pole, To tell me what new thing to buy. A squatting square against the sky, It blocks the airy, fluffy clouds, To tell me what new thing to...

. A Poet's Plight I’ll think of a theme for my next little verse, intriguing and witty, though still must be terse. Not road kill, dead flowers, nor weeding the lawn, it can’t wax poetic nor bring a big yawn. A subject noteworthy I need to create, which won't give...

. Putin That’s, I’m sure, a vampire: Gnaws on bones, bloody-lipped. —A. S. Pushkin. “Vurdalak,” Songs of Western Slavs (Это, верно, кости гложет Красногубый вурдалак. —А. С.  Пушкин. “Вурдалак”, Песни западных славян) What’s in the mirror that you see? No bloody fangs, which would be fitting: you feed on corpses of your victims. You make them...

. To All Great Eagles Up on High To all great eagles up on high I hope you hear my battle cry! I have some plans I know you’ll love While you are circling above. There is a retailer to maul That has a Target on its wall. As if...

. Psalm 23: King David’s Version When I was just a hungry sheep __and I was lonely, lost and scared, You somehow found me, fed me, led me, __showed me just how much You cared. When in the valley with its shadows __that each prophesy my death, Tho’ I hear...

. As Orwell Warned The Right now gets censored to silence, While schools and the media teach, That speech from the Right equals violence, And Left violence merely is speech. . . “When I Was Your Age…” Sometimes when my kids converse __I simply have to say, How often things...

. The Adventures of Verb At six, I had a dictionary Where I would meet a man named Verb, Superb and quite extraordinary, In every definition’s blurb, Right at the finish, did while doing, For example: “Verb chewed, chewing.” In my mind, I saw Verb clearly, With brown hair, mustache,...

. Runway Ready An Anorectic at a Playground . Scrawny, lean and teen Miss Annie sat upon her bony fanny, straddled ‘cross a teeter-totter, filling up on Fibre Water. From above, bungeed a spider, claimed the empty seat as rider, launching Ann like some machine, Plop! Splat! onto a trampoline. When she...

. Distant Thoughts from Nearby I need to turn my dog-ears up __and harken to the quietude ____ignored for many years, __and contemplate my solitude, ____expressing through my tears Incautious songs that made me up. My oldest friends will never know __the thrall of certain moods I wear, ____the many...

. Lord, Give Me Serenity Lord, give me serenity To deal with lunatics, Especially the ones Who are found in politics. Help me to stay calm, And keep me honor bound, But take them to perdition Wherever they are found. Please give me the courage To stay in self-control; Although,...

. All That’s Left Is Yours based on I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris The bride walked the aisle to her husband-to-be, __Who gently took hold of her hand. They started their vows, all to hear and to see, __When a woman there started to stand. She boldly but...

. Xanadu Revisited after "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Coleridge __In Washington aristocrats __ordain corruption happily: __here the Potomac River flows __past million dollar homes in rows, ____no common man you’ll see. __Declared a district not a state __where crooks decide our nation's fate in fancy restaurants where they all dine...

. Half the Night a villanelle My stomach isn’t working right. Bubbles, gurgles, twinges and sighs Kept me up for half the night. I’ve got hives too, quite a sight— Neck, belly, all over my thighs. My skin just isn’t working right. Aching and stiffness are my plight; Take my...

. The Revised Guide to Selling Adult Beverages  Dismiss the woke approach to advertising--- It’s mad and bad and far from enterprising. Avoid loud, lipsticked lads in soapsud scenes In full and frothy flounce on TV screens. This rainbow-lemming, cliff-top leap to ruin Has bubbled up in Budweiser’s undoing. Ensure...

. The Number 165: Emily Hyatt A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story that all those should heed Who think the sole gustatory pitfall is greed. For hear now what happened to Emily Hyatt Whose pleasure by contrast was only to diet. Miss Em of South Hornchurch was...

. Note to a Sloppy Homeowner in response to C.B. Anderson's “Know How to Mow” Increasing rates are musts for folks like you. “Annoyance tax.” I mowed your lawn last time. I chose the route and sent away the crew— (They’re Mexican). The scheme was by design. As we all...

. Target Gets Targeted A leftist agenda endorsed,Down customers’ throats it was forced.They now find their business is blighted,You could say that they’ve been “Bud Lighted.” . . Newspapers Newspaper costs had tripled.The boss said “read online.”To keep the peace I tried it.It didn't turn out fine. I like to check...

. Gaslighted Our friendship limped along for thirty years. I can’t say why. The scornful views you’d share Instilled resentment, anger, even tears. Your condescending words. Your cutting glare. “Why can’t conservatives just come to grips With facts? You stooges of the Right are cruel; Your policies will bring Apocalypse....

. Target If you’re too young to take a marriage vow, Stuck at an awkward age that won’t allow A dizzy dose of liquor-laden brew Or puffs of buzzy stuff… just one or two--- __Target beckons you---right now! If you’re too juvenile to drive a car, Too green to party at the bluest bar, Too innocent to fight a gory war, Too ignorant to know what’s...

. Some Satirical Epigrams in hendecasyllabics (essentially trochaic pentameter with a dactyl for the second foot) . Complaint to a Complainer You complain all the time; about the weather, Other peoples’ affairs, your job, your pillow; So much so that it seems you’re only happy When you’re whining about one...

. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILvvmtpOaOg

. Matters of Class . Saying hello The modest o’s the most polite of letters; But is he facing up today or down? Each day he questions those he calls his betters In order so he knows to smile or frown. A frown, you see, becomes a charming smile When seen...

. So Much for Legitimate Women's Sports Vladimir Gonzales, a young Italian athlete, With 28 inch biceps and a 68 inch chest, Entered competitions where he knew he wouldn't find Even a tiny---you-know-what---dangling from the rest! Afraid to state the obvious, the girls---who'd turn their eyes When Vladdy'd flaunt the...

. The Devil Comes to Buckingham from Legends of Liberty: Volume 2 One day as Britons cheered their sovereign’s sight, The devil crawled into his servant’s brain. He entered through the ear as a termite And caused poor George the Third to go insane. His Majesty’s gray matter had a...