Satire

. Why Can’t I Marry My Pit Bull? Why can’t I marry my pit bull? He’d make an incredible spouse, In spite of the dog hair and doo-doo, He’d always be king in my house. He’d listen whenever I talked to him, Of deceit I would find not a trace,...

. September 9th 1901… A September evening in old Paris town, The time when Parisians let their hair down. There’s laughing and dancing and folk getting drunk, And all of the ladies are looking like punks. It just needs an artist to capture the scene, But Toulouse-Lautrec is nowhere to...

. Poet, What Dreamer Thou Art  "I feel more and more every day, that as my imagination strengthens, that I do not live in this world alone, but in a thousand worlds." ---John Keats I’m busy doing nothing, can’t you see? I’m like a bee. I float from flower to...

. The Shortfalls of Empirical Knowledge Sorry, Iowa. Each night is different from all previous And therefore not the same as those to come. The ways of Nature can be devious: They test experience and leave us numb To expectations we would otherwise Have nurtured and applied to form our...

. A Right Royal Coronation Anon the pomp and pageantry will beam From London as King Charles III is crowned. The Abbey-bound procession’s set to stream On gleaming tides of splendour to the sound Of jaunty hooves and chatter from a sea Of gazers as his coach cleaves through the...

. The Number 151: Teatime in Cheam A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story of two little girls; The older had pigtails, the younger one curls. They lived in the wonderful village of Cheam And both were addicted to chocolates and cream. And ever these sisters would rival...

. Books Some say that books are obsolete, __Preferring new devices. But reading books is still a treat, __No gadget quite suffices. . . Tipping Etiquette The credit card machine implied that __I should leave a tip, For someone who provided “service” __No more than a blip. The hope is...

. On Binge-Reading Sylvia Plath Verdammte mirror-bee-eyes stare at you As you describe in depth colossal pain. You say too much: your tormented achoo Your lack of faith, your overactive brain. I read your sadness---verses made of hurt And genius, from a coruscating pen Of acid-green, with not one word...

. The Sonogram Dodona housed the oracle of Zeus, And there the Greeks sought his prophetic aid (Whose force depended on how much they’d paid) In auguries divinely quite abstruse. Beneath his sacred oak they lay diffuse, His priests who’d listen to the serenade As wind among the leaves discreetly...

. The Window Seat “They don’t read poets till they’re dead.” That’s what my wise-guy father said. “They wait till they have gone away ‘fore caring what they had to say. Still if that’s what you really want, To drink from that life’s bitter font, Then who am I to...

. Sketches of Three Communistic Big Heads  . 1. Xi Jinping Who thinks this belly-flopping avarist is good except those marrying the flies that buzz and hiss while he rips up the world, gnashing it to cud until it udders out as worthless golden piss? They’re turd-land-dwellers sympathetic to the Devil,...

. Bardic Bots Will Shakespeare has been rendered obsolete. Bill’s quillings are a patriarchal scandal. His iambs lack that fresh, progressive beat. Barred from Avon is his current handle. As lost as Lear, as dead as Desdemona, His wonder will no longer soar on high. Now robots can compose, the Swan’s a goner. His dusty folios have bid goodbye. They’ve shuffled off like Hamlet and poor Yorick. Alas, the Big-Tech Bods now canonize...

. Green... Greener... Greenest...   a doomsday pantoum Zoom with raving saviors to Net Zero. Bewail our frail and ailing habitat. Become a carbon-taxing pseudo-hero. Trade trilling tones for shrillest super-brat. Bewail our frail and ailing habitat. Jet far and wide to spread the force-fed word. Trade trilling tones for shrillest super-brat. Glower like a sour and steaming turd. Jet far and wide to spread the force-fed word....

. Historical Negation A pen works wonders. Just ink in, scratch out. Rewrite what people learn about the past. Repeat false facts, promote a fabrication--- Voila! You’ve aced historical negation. You don’t need to be truthful if you shout; Plus changing history can be a blast. Just snap your fingers,...

. Senryu on Free Thought . I. As storied Kipling Is stricken from pupils’ tales I feel his burden . II. Arise Dame Roseanne From the inquisitor’s stake Comedy’s phoenix . III. Young Harry Potter Burnt by Mountain Dew addicts Still safe on my shelves . Editor's Note: See the difference between...

. Acceptance Relationships are courses in which You should not enroll, If changing other people is your Pre-existing goal. . . When One Overrides Twenty-Six It started in first grade as I recall. Our son told us strange tales about some kid, Who yelled and sang, and sometimes smacked a...

. Cryogenic Freezing from the conclusion of A Gallery of Ethopaths Let’s end on a deathly note To grab my readers by the throat. When ethopathic nonsense reigns It keeps a populace in chains, And though touched by death’s icy mitt, An ethopath’s a mindless twit. A lot of half-baked...

. Three Denarii OBO For Sale: One ten-foot wooden cross. Good cedar, cypress with some pine. The owner selling at a loss. Used once, by Rome, to assist dying. Some minor nail holes need repair, The crossbeam rope is slightly frayed, With a few bloodstains here and there. Will sell...

. The Faithful Who Have Chosen Not to Wait He rose and told us He would come again To supervise a world of righteous men And women who believed in what He’d said, That both the living and the wakened dead Should nevermore of chrism be bereft. But what of...

. A Screw ‘Em Sermon for Government-Anointed Experts “Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give solidarity to pure wind.” ---George Orwell Dish up linguistic picnics Just shy of one pork pie. Make fruitful news so nutty All rationale will fry In lands of clouds and cuckoos Where pigs...

. Reality Check __The bars we frequent have been raised too high, Not calibrated to the greatest common factor: __The will to let things slide.  Who can deny This, save for someone who is such a polished actor __That he or she can lie without a quiver Of lip or...

. How to Write Contemporary Poetry a pantoum in free verse composition keep letters lower case. dump classical tradition then cite the marketplace. keep letters lower case make use of ampersands then cite the marketplace if no one understands. make use of ampersands so texts can look progressive. if no...

. Ex-Freedom of Speech In fact, most liberals don't support free speech today, And often see a need for censorship instead. They claim “misinformation” causes broad decay, So free speech ends if they dislike what’s being said. . . Listeners Good listeners seem hard to find these days. More people,...

. Θαλῆς 2.0 In days of yore, Thales, the famous sage, Went out on a stargazing walk and fell Straight down an overlooked and vexing well. A passing woman mocked him: “At your age You ought to know your eyes belong down here!” The tale was once a lesson to...

. The Very Best Business by Giuseppe Gioachino Belli (1791-1863) translated from Romanesco by Joseph S. Salemi First I was a gardener (a disaster), Then a bookseller. I made even less. So did I change my business plan? Oh yes— I turned and became an upper-crust whoremaster. In this, I...

. Gossip “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us.” ---Edward Wallis Hoch Its spice, its ire, its hot desire __Will lure the listeners in...

. Evolution I can’t run fast or jump high anymore. Mistakes I make I never made before. Some maladies and aches don’t have a cure, Alertness and reflexes are less sure. My memory is challenged on most days, It’s easier to get stuck in old ways. But some emotions long...

. Civics 101 Jejune excuses used too many times Do not undo the doer from the deed: A miscreant accused of many crimes Is not the type of model children need. A partisan devoted to a cause Who votes his party, never mind the man, Should not complain when his...

. Eulogy for a Them We gather here to celebrate a him Or her (an it? a they?) and in the end A prophet of the present who could bend Reality to suit their loosest whim. For whatsoever they had been or might Have been, they were their own priority;...

. Born in a Wuhan Lab Newsflash: U.S. Energy Department says it was probably a lab leak. Those men in suits and labcoats thought it worth The lives of millions from their ivory tower To falsify the truth about my birth Lest China lose its influence and power. The masks,...

. Bite Your Tongue If you should feel the sudden urge __To put forth your opinions, Letting sundry thoughts diverge __To influence the minions. Just take a moment to reflect __On whether to opine, Or shut-up and inject __Another soothing anodyne. If you should find yourself about __To state your...

. Willy Wonky on the revision of Roald Dahl’s works  The whacky wokester clowns employed at Puffin Are wrecking classics with exciting stuff in. They’re ditching all the derring-do and dark (The spunk and spark and funk and quirk and snark) For noggin-numbing, glum and humdrum dross That doesn’t make despotic critics cross. They’re swapping all that’s riveting and peachy For joyless crap that’s sappy, flat and preachy: Chocolate factories free from nuts and dairy, Aunties that aren’t spongy-spiky scary, Oompa Loompas tolerant and tall, No one ugly, beastly, fat or small. Next will be the...

. The Reagan with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe Once upon a long and weary voting day with chances dreary for a quaint and curious choice, a nominee we all adore; while I gauged the sense of voting, suddenly I heard some gloating as of someone sugarcoating memories of years...

. Troll   "Be like seeds; do not see dirt thrown at you as your enemy, but as ground to grow." ---Matshona Dhliwayo A witch! A witch! Let’s hush the wicked witch!     His spleen slid through the ether like a snake. He hissed his pissy, pietistic pitch. This carper had a vicious thirst to...

. The Chinese Spy Balloon From that balloon botch I’m most wondering, Why Biden stalled to shoot it from the sky. Was it more fecklessness and blundering, Or might some hidden issue underlie? Did hearing it arrived illegally, Make Joe think the balloon was just a boat, With cargo hoped-for...

. Odysseus Begs? He’s leaning on a Pluto niche machine: an ATM, balanced on his good leg— a fresh appearance in an ancient scene— a bandaged hand gropes slowly out to beg. Was he Odysseus, sail raised to breeze, carving current never plied before? Herodotus, or old Diogenes? Or mad...

. Today Australia has announced that it will roll out a fifth dose of the Covid shot later this month. . Fat Cats and Lab Rats  The fat cats began with a scam of a plan To shame every pestilent spreader--- Lab rats galore are jabbed sore and then more....

. Fear for the Future When I ponder the future I get so distraught For the Leftists control Most production of thought. . . To Better Protect Democracy The WAPO and the New York Times Should move all their reporters, Into the Democratic Party’s National headquarters. . . Loss of...

. Church Mice a sonnet corona  There is a tale that’s writ in German history. A church was passed each Sunday by a train. Its death-knell whistle blew as it flew swiftly To Hell as stricken souls shrieked out in vain. These yells were muffled by the lusty singing Of...

. Carnivore Picks a Fight and Vegan Responds . CARNIVORE O man vegetarian with lifestyle agrarian, You’ve fallen as prey to a scam! We advise you to eat, every day, ample meat: Fish and beef, pork and chicken and lamb. VEGAN O great busybody, condescending and snotty, Your words are...