Satire

. Same Old New Year   I bid adieu. You shuffle out. A new you shimmies in--- A you without the frown and pout, A happy you of zip and clout, And once again I’ve little doubt You’ll make me rich and thin. You’ll bring me zing. You’ll make me sing....

. Continuation You and I are of two discrepant minds: We disagree on all that matters—plus, Our separate brains are not quite sure what kinds Of things they favor, making four of us. The four of us engage in conversations That sound like bickering in closed committee Meetings where doubtful...

. There She Goes When Everyone’s a Woman, No One’s a Woman upon reading the news story here. There she goes, erased from Cambridge pages--- An instant relic wafting on the fringe Of lunacy as sybils, saints, and sages Forewarn of doom and logophiles cringe. There she goes---Eve’s ostracized from...

. In a Soviet Gulag from an oft repeated joke There was a break in the relentless cold And then the guard stepped out for quite a while. Such changes made the prisoners grow bold: Two yelled their thoughts, another cracked a smile. One wanting to impress the others told...

. The 2022 State Dinner Elites come to Washington and dine On lobster harvested in Maine. (They plan To regulate the catch, create a ban, Because enviros claim the fishing line Is killing whales.) Also on the menu: Filet of beef, potatoes, roasted pears, Champagne and caviar, affected airs. Only the best...

. A Right Royal Circus a villanelle  Roll up! Roll up! Come hear the desperate call Of sparkless Markle and her spurned buffoon. With pleas for privacy, they welcome all. They welcome all like flies upon a wall To witness tears---a crocodile monsoon. Roll up! Roll up! Come hear their...

. CBS Has Now Verified CBS says it’s now verified, The laptop Hunter took in for repair. And other breaking news that it’s supplied Is Washington has crossed the Delaware. . . Plan Needed Republicans won’t win elections Till they learn to neutralize The harvesting of mail-in ballots Dems corruptly...

. Grifters With smug, aggressive faux urbanity __They do their worst to seize control. They think it signals perfect sanity __When they adopt a regal role, Expecting us to stroke their vanity, __Lest our good hearts seem dark as coal. We start to question their humanity __When we discern what...

. Check Out Your Church inspired by this article: Queen's former chaplain, others slam 'perverse' Cambridge sermon about 'trans' Jesus: ' Repulsive and shameful' Are the pronouns in the Bible ripe for change Along with gender? Does your pastor pore O’er the e’er increasing epic rainbow range Of sexes for our...

. Pope-Lion by Giuseppe Gioachino Belli (1791-1863)translated from Romanesco by Joseph S. Salemi Before Pope Genga went down to the grottoTo be four slabs of cured ham on the bone,He was thought by everyone in RomeTo be our best luck since the jackpot Lotto. What he did seemed never to...

. FTX & Other Damn Scams If you want to make some money Dangle golden dreams like honey And then claim that you can turn dross into gold. When you claim the future’s sunny Don’t let on you think it’s funny That you don’t believe a thing that they’ve been...

. Clowns Teach Writing Classes Students’ attitudes were dismal; composition skills, abysmal! Desperate to make things better, teachers asked expert go-getters, “Will you please get their attention? What we need’s an intervention, something new-wave, fresh, progressive— something youth will find impressive!” “We will help you,” they asserted. “HEROES!” weary teachers...

. Blake's Tyger Tyger Tyger, burning bright, sorry if I'm impolite: What immortal put a hand to verse we'll never understand? Face it, face it, Mister Blake, 'Tyger' was a big mistake. What good reason could there be for rhyming 'eye' with 'symmetry'? Can a poet e'er endure by changing...

. Cop27---A Sonnetised Summary upon reading the Cop27 VIP jet dinner menu  A swarm of jets belch fumes that blight the blue As contrails stripe the skies of Sharm el-Sheikh, Where greedy gluttons gorge on beasts that moo--- This feast ensures these gasbags take the cake. Their hot and noxious air is rising high Like...

. Hell Rising They’ve come with a purpose: to numb or perturb us __By infecting the already-sick, And with them they bring a more tangible thing: __A nice carrot along with a stick. They live in The Palace of Envy and Malice __And demand that we pay our “fair share”;...

. Think (Ideo)logically Say---friend or foe? What else could people be? … Stop thinking, since it’s useless, and it’s hard. We’ll do your thinking for you---play our card! These glasses will now show you what to see: This world’s in black and white. We’ve gauged its worth. Here’s all our...

. CDC: Save the Planet from Poison CO2!! “We used to think CO2 was a harmless trace gas… How wrong we were!” ---Dr. Dillard “Sparky” Barker, SMFS, The CDC’s Second Most Famous Scientist Your noxious exhalations contain tons of CO2 So Dillard “Sparky” Barker has the newest mask for you....

. Halloween---The New Normal The maskless masses mingle on the street Pooh-poohing overreaching, grouchy rules. The granny-slaying, unvaxxed ogres meet As curtain-twitching witches eye these ghouls From hazmat-suited safety as they fume At murderous monsters milling neath the moon. The spawn of fierce smut-busters fool around. They snigger as they...

. The Three Democrats of the 2020 Election after Shakespeare's Macbeth, Act 4, Scene 1 Scene: Thunder illuminates a 2020 calendar page in an undisclosed conference room where a pot bubbles on an electric stovetop. Enter the Three Democrats. FIRST DEMOCRAT Thrice each democrat will vote. SECOND DEMOCRAT Thrice at...

. The Polls The polls are looking up right now, __But my faith’s not complete, Because no poll can measure how __The Democrats might cheat. . . The Boulder Field The glacial remnant boulder field, __A geological delight. Except a few stones that revealed __Graffiti some jerk had to write....

Playing with Matches "We don’t seek conflict with Russia but we are ready." ---Antony Blinken, March 4, 2022 We don’t seek conflict with Russia but we are ready, make no mistake. The finger that pushes the button will not tremble, the hand will not shake. When pillars of fire crown...

. Asinine to atheist evolutionists When your science cannot put to rights The special wrongs of our divinity, Your exasperation reaches heights That challenge all the laws of gravity. When you talk at us and see our hearts Are strong on blind belief and Godliness, Though we are more than...

. The Modern Cardinal’s Song after “The Major General’s Song” from Gilbert & Sullivan’s The Pirates of Penzance from a faithful Catholic scandalized at the men purporting to lead the Church. I am the very model of a modern Catholic cardinal, I’ve passions homosexual, heretical, and criminal, I know no...

. Dr. Quack My name is Dr. Henry Quack and in my little room out back, Are lots of pills and potions. There's drugs for this and drugs for that; if you’re too skinny or too fat, And drugs to cure emotions. I've studied books and bones and charts, learned...

. The clerihew is a relatively new poetry form introduced by Edmund Clerihew Bentley in 1905. It is usually a single quatrain of light verse rhyming aabb, without a standard meter. The first line usually ends with a name, often one difficult to rhyme with, and comes up with a...

. Sincerity of the Left The sanctuary cities said: “Undocumenteds may come here, It’s merciless to keep them out, We welcome them with open arms!” “We’ll grant your wish,” DeSantis said, "Take fifty more of them right here.” “That’s inhumane!” the Libs all shout. “A cruel stunt that only harms.”...

. Never Argue with a Progressive They never tell the truth, except by accident, And when they do, they’ll tell you that they really meant The opposite, so what’s a trusting man to do? Admittedly, such perfidy is nothing new, But we would like to take a person at his...

. Equal Schmequal   The traits of men were glibly mocked __By those who thought men strange--- Those who thought the world half-cocked __ And fought for chop and change--- All those who chose to rise and rail Against the rock and role of male--- __‘Twas time to rearrange The natural order of the...

. Green Energy with apologies to Dr. Seuss I do not like green energy Don’t subsidize it, AOC. I do not like it in the dark, My solar panels will not spark. I do not like it with no breeze, Wind generators tend to freeze. I do not like green...

. Snub the Grub upon reading news of a beetle burger, The Daily Mail, August 24, 2022 I scan the menu (a la carte) To find that I can take no part In scarab chowder with a pinch Of millipede. It makes me flinch. I see a cricket on the ticket...

. An Anti-Evolution Song Evolution Is False. God Is True. inspired by the writings of Zhang Tianliang How probable is it, however you spin it, __That man has evolved out of nothing? Do I look like a schmuck who would think that dumb luck __Could just randomly tweak and make...

. Images of Darwin, Post-1859 1859: The year the ponderously titled On The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle For Life was published. A fat, combed beard mimes fluffed white wool While in a pose of gravitas That at...

. Give and Take Mr. Taxman, you’re a peach, Fill your pockets we beseech. Having money is a curse, Please take freely from our purse. We may catch up some time later, Certainly your need is greater. Money earned is ours to give, We don’t need it just to live....