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May 12 is National Limerick Day in the United States, corresponding to Limerick-writer Edward Lear’s birthday. Poet James A. Tweedie invites you to share your limerick or limericks in the comments section below. Here are a few from his book Laughing Matters to get you started.
See “How to Write a Limerick” here.
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There once was a woman of Perth
Whose eating expanded her girth.
_Till sooner than later
_Her waistline equator
Took on the same shape as the earth.
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There once was a woman from Seoul
Who went on an afternoon stroll.
_With broad-minded latitude
_And laissez faire attitude
She ended up at the North Pole.
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A jungle explorer named Peter
Came face to face with a man-eater.
_He ran all the way
_To New Delhi that day.
The tiger was fast, but he beat her.
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A man had a pet kangaroo
Whose feet took a size 30 shoe.
_He looked all around
_Till on Ebay he found
Some sneakers his size in Peru.
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A Captain, verbose and pedantic,
While sailing one day became frantic.
_The weather was warm
_But he talked up a storm,
And was blown clear across the Atlantic.
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Not mine, but about the funniest limerick I know:
From the crypt of the church of St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, “Good gracious,
Does Father Ignacious,
Not know that the Bishop has piles.”
That particular limerick is well known in High Anglican and Catholic circles. I have heard it in a slightly different form:
From the depths of the crypt in St. Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar “Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles!”
The cockiest Scot in Dundee
Wore a kilt a foot up from his knee
In a tartan so sparse
It revealed half his arse –
For his fine, furry sporran – praise be!
Back in the day when my wife and I were living in Edinburgh, a man we knew (with de rigueur bandy legs) wore a kilt everywhere, all the time. One day he asked us if we knew the sign of an early spring? When we answered, “No,” he said, ”Tood be wen a Scotsman sits on a thistle!”
Scotland seems to be featuring large!
A well-endowed jogger from Leith,
Wore a T-shirt with nowt underneath;
With both bosoms freed,
A quick burst of speed
Broke her nose and knocked out her front teeth.
And more topically:
Qatari Gift Limerick
Republicans said in the past,
“Corruption has left us aghast.”
Now focussed on gain,
With gifts like a plane
The swamp’s filling up mighty fast.
Poor Freeman — he’s just so upset
The American clock’s been re-set.
It makes his life dreary.
But what leaves him teary
Is the fact that Trump’s gotten a jet.
Our Trump’s cleaning up the whole world.
The American flag is unfurled.
He’s ending all farces
And kicking Dem arses,
And Freeman is foetally curled.
If you’re stuck in a Third World lagoon
It’s natural to pout and to swoon.
But America’s happy —
We’re free of a crappy
Demented and addled buffoon.
And if you don’t like what Trump’s doing
Go ahead with your shouting and booing.
We don’t give two humps
If you’re down in the dumps.
We like to see jerks like you stewing.
Responding to satire with personal insults is rather pathetic, but feel free.
I saw the erosion of democracy in Zimbabwe under the Mugabe regime, and day by day am seeing the same happen in America. Calling it out is better than being silent, closing your eyes or excusing it.
Did I say that you should stop your “shouting and booing”? Go right ahead with it if you like.
But don’t expect not to get hit hard when you (as a foreigner) attack the overwhelming choice of the American people.
MAGA forever.
Hey Joe, interesting very short video about the plane gift…
https://choiceclips.whatfinger.com/2025/05/15/senator-mark-mullin-responds-to-a-reporter-about-the-plane-gifted-to-the-united-states-%f0%9f%a4%a3/
Hey, Joe, another interesting limerick about Boeing, following the Starliner debacle and the Alaska Airlines doorplug blowout.
Boeing Gets F-47 Deal
At Boeing, the CEO twerks
on landing some aerospace perks.
The F-47
has left him in heaven –
let’s hope the ejector seat works.
I love how you jump to the defence of Americans commenting the UK in their poetry and comments, but the reverse gets has you booing and shouting.
You’re the one who is booing and shouting. I have never said that anyone has to censor themselves in what they say politically here.
What I say is this: If you’re going to attack my country and my President, go ahead and do so. But expect to get kicked back hard in the teeth. That’s something totally different from censorship.
I notice that left-liberals feel they have the right to say whatever they like about their enemies, but when their enemies return a rhetorical broadside they get all defensive and weepy and butt-hurt, and start whining about “victimhood.”
You can’t have it both ways. If you you attack us, we’ll hit you right back twice as hard. The old-fashioned, polite, tea-and-crumpets conservative who never raised his voice in anger is gone forever. Get used to getting your ass kicked.
MAGA forever.
There once was a lass from Monrose
as fair and fresh as a rose
but her friends were jealous
and so her life was hellish
So now she lives in New Jersey.
Hugh Boodle had two labradoodles
Refusing the oodles of noodles
He served them for dinner –
Their patience grew thinner –
Hugh knew they preferred apple strudels.
A trouser-less tramp rode a donkey
One Chinese New Year of the Monkey.
His offspring were bums
With opposable thumbs,
A bray and front teeth that were wonky.
I’ve got to say from the two, apple strudel is my favourite.
Not only is it a super limerick it is quite a tongue twister worthy of Peter Piper fame.
And Hugh Knew!
For Paul and Joe:
Some say he’s God-blessed, or he’s cursed.
The best that we’ve had or the worst.
“Make America Great
Again;” both Church and State.
He’s the POTUS, Pope Donald the 1st.
Sagacity Rebuked
He thought his poems buoyant and zephyrous.
The editor’s note was obstreperous:
“Your zealous hyperbole,
Disportionality,
Has made your consistency leprous.”
Mae prayed for a soulful of hope.
She was blessed with a Pope-on-a-Rope
To cleanse away sin
Beginning within –
Now Mae has a hole full of soap.