The Wiles of a Woman
The wiles of a woman, men, you never should discount.
For after all, they often want what’s in your bank account.
When pressures of their passions do precipitously mount,
Some women will try anything to get a high amount.
We think of lovestruck young men and the foolishness they do,
But older men are not immune to their wiles, too.
It has been so since Eve’s bad apple, long ago in Eden;
One side of women seems to be a vain, conniving demon.
Yet grass is always greener on the other gender’s side
And men need inspiration’s warmth on cold earth to abide.
Thus they were made just for each other. No need to complain.
The wiles of a woman men can never—should never—hope to explain.
LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 6,750 poems in 95 of his 118 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.
I decided to balance this with a perspective on men:
ACTUALLY MEN MAY BE FROM PLUTO
By Roy E. Peterson
Men and women seem to have
A different point of view
I hope I am not telling you
Something that may seem new.
Chores and cleaning of the house
Have different perspective.
I want to throw bright light on this
To help you be reflective.
When men are washing dishes
And a spot is on a glass,
They consider since it dried,
It is not an active mass.
They may take a dab at it,
But it seems to be quirky.
After all, the drying of some meat
Is called beef jerky.
A woman will take one look
At her husband’s handiwork.
Then make some acid comment
Like, “Wash it again, you jerk!”
Then she will inspect it
Before putting it on the shelf,
Then she may reject the glass,
Or may wash it herself.
While I am talking about dishes,
A man will put a knife
Blade down into the dishwasher.
That’s what he learned in life.
His dad had probably said to him,
Knives are dangerous, son.
Keep the blade away from you,
It’s like pointing with a gun.
I think I know the reason
Women do it the wrong way.
Perforations that are at fault
In the utensil tray.
If the blade is upside down,
The utensil tray won’t slide.
They have to hold the knives up
Until the rack is inside.
I swear I do not do this,
But I know some men that do.
They drink out of the carton.
Women, does this bother you?
The men think, what’s the difference?
It’s not so much adverse.
If I gave you a juicy kiss,
The germs could be much worse.
Women have a phobia,
If a speck of dust appears.
They have to clean the whole house,
And then dust the furniture.
The men just shrug their shoulders.
A dust speck is a fable.
I still can see the shape of it.
It looks like a table.
When I was still married,
I was the one to mop the floor
I did it once or twice a week,
And sometimes maybe more.
My wife would take one look and say,
You missed a spot right there.
I could not even see it
No matter how long I’d stare.
At least she liked my cooking
Till she saw I reused oil.
My mother always saved
The lard. You know it doesn’t spoil.
She would watch me carefully,
As I washed the pans each day,
She would check for residue
Before I could walk away.
A man won’t make the bed up.
He likes the sheets wide open.
Perhaps he wants to air it,
Or perhaps he is “hopin’.”
A woman thinks that company
Could see the bed not made.
A spider could get between the sheets,
That’s why she’s afraid.
Men will dress for funerals,
For church, or a special event.
If not, they wear casual,
As if sleeping in a tent.
Women will dress for anything,
Dry cleaners, doctors, gas,
Going to Home Depot, or Lowes,
And throwing out the trash.
Now as for washing clothes I know
A man will load a tub
So full that nothing will move,
Not even the washing hub.
The one thing he fears is if
A red cloth gets in the sink.
He does not want his friends to see
His underwear is pink.
A woman pours detergent
Like it’s going out of style.
I wonder if I put enough in,
She thinks all the while.
She adds fabric softener
To the wash for her soft skin.
A man will simply “forget”
He should put some softener in.
A man’s nose is insensitive
After all they’re still men.
The house smells so much better
Than the place that they were in.
A woman’s nose is like a beagle,
They will sniff their men.
A woman still can smell the place
Her husband was last in.
I think women are from Saturn.
They must be. They love rings.
She can turn cold as ice,
If something he forgets to bring.
Men may be from Pluto,
Or from some distant darkened place.
He doesn’t know if he’s a planet,
Or spinning in space.
These are both very enjoyable, very amusing poems, Roy, on a subject which can never be truly mastered — the differences between the sexes. And whether or not peace is possible between them! Thank you for the laugh!
Wonderful comments, Brian. I am so pleased you found them amusing. We all have faced uncertainty in our lives when dealing with the opposite sex.
Both great, thought provoking works, clear and honest…and sad at times, especially at the end, Roy. Yes, the two sexes differ from each other and face many difficulties trying to find understanding and peace. If it helps at all, we often wonder who we are and what we’re doing, or supposed to be doing, too. I guess we’re all just “winging it” and trying to do our best. Your poems prompted me to compose one on the subject of mothers and wives, which I might submit after a few more edits and adjustments. Thanks for the great read…and the inspiration! 🙂
Jan, I am so heartened you took inspiration for a poem or poems from my attempts at humor. I look forward to it/them on SCP. Peace is possible, but sometimes at a price.
The ancients believed that men and women never could get along because they were produced in different ways. The male sex was made by the Titan Prometheus, and men were therefore dynamic, pugnacious, energetic, courageous, and highly competitive, just like all the Titans were. Women were made by the gods, who deliberately included in the package all sorts of tempting “gifts” (loveliness, charm, sexual provocation, graceful movement, lithe shapeliness). This first woman was Pandora (“All Gifts”), and Zeus also included in her the unpleasant qualities of curiosity, selfishness, envy, and bitchiness, as well as a small box of evils, which Zeus knew Pandora would introduce into the world.
Zeus did this to add misery to the lives of men, so that they would be hopelessly drawn to women for sexual relief but would also find it very difficult to live with them. This was done as vengeful payback to the Titan Prometheus for having created men, and for stealing fire from Mount Olympus to give to men.
For the ancients, men were Titanic, while women were Divine. And just as there was an unending conflict between the Titans and the Olympian gods, so also was there an intrinsic and insoluble conflict between the male sex and the female sex.
This is a great educational comment, Joseph, for those who have not read mythology, or for those like me who read it a long time ago and need a refresher course. I am so thankful you brought up Zeus, Pandora, and Prometheus while refreshing my memory on the subject of male/female conflict. You are a treasure we all should appreciate.
Nice try, Roy – how do we get to understand the other sex? The physical differences are manifest, but the psychological ones? The most perceptive comment I have come across is this: “Here’s a sex difference when it comes to taking criticism: men are much more likely to reject criticism that is valid whereas women are much more likely to accept criticism that is invalid .” If you really think about it, it explains an awful lot that is negative/positive about both genders! Thanks for the thought-piece, very entertaining.
James, I am still contemplating your conundrum! I appreciate such thought-provoking input.
Well, Roy, you come to the same conclusion from both perspectives–monetary or planetary. Men and women do not understand one another’s motives. Ideally, the sexes are complementary, and do in fact function that way when it comes to reproduction of the human species. But life together in society requires so much more than that. We keep trying to understand; that’s a large part of being human!
Margaret, thank you for combining the two poems in your comments. Marriage at least provides the opportunity for greater and complementary understanding.
In a strange way, this poem reminds me of a country/western song from a couple of decades ago. A seasoned citizen was asked about the meaning of life. His answer was: Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. If this citizen had been a woman, I wonder what her response to the question would have been.
You’ve distilled so much complexity into understandable nuggets here, Roy.
For some reason, the second stanza reminded me of Chaucer’s Miller’s Tale, where an old man who should know better marries a young minx.
The first stanza exemplifies the relationship between the main character and his lady love in the novel I’m currently writing, though as your third stanza states, ‘it’s complicated’, which hopefully will exonerate his lady love as the book progresses.
Thanks for a poem that has helped crystalise that important part of my book.