Will the Sentence Get
the Death Sentence?
—a triolet
I write a line, then I decide:
will it survive, or must it die?
Before I can enter a stride,
I write a line, then I decide
if it allows my mind to glide.
If not, once more I’ll have to try;
I write a line, then I decide:
will it survive, or must it die?
Depression
I see it from the shore
as it begins to form;
I have been here before—
familiar is the storm.
A Daily Reminder
Embrace the day, before there are none left;
you can’t get back the seconds via theft.
Paul Millan currently resides in Glendora, California. His work has appeared on Lighten-Up Online, and will appear in Westward Quarterly.
Paul, you put into words my own self-editorial predilections and predicaments in the first poem. Your “Daily Reminder” also would have been perfect for the recent Couplets Challenge.
Roy, thanks for taking the time to read my poetry. I need that first line to get me going, and many times it does not survive, as you yourself mentioned to have experienced this predicament. I already had submitted the couplet when I saw the contest, and I thought they had to be witty due to it being called “Clever Couplets”, maybe next time. Thanks again for reading. Have a good week.
The triolet brings to mind T.S. Eliot’s “There will be time to murder and create…” — an experience that every serious writer has when composing text. There are so many false starts, and so many inescapable changes, especially for the beginning writer. With prose it gets easier after several years of steady composition, but the difficulties remain with poetry, especially if you are producing formal, metrical, or rhyming verse.
The other two are perfect little squibs. The first presents a concise metaphor (depression equals storm), while the second is an expansion of the Latin motto “Tempus fugit.”
Dr. Salemi, thanks for reading my short poems. In regard to the creative process of writing, it is a learning experience and I can definitely relate to the many false starts. Glad you mentioned prose is slightly easier once you begin getting accustomed to a ritual practice, since I am hoping to tackle writing prose at one point this year.
Glad you liked the other 2 “squibs.” Time does fly as it appears that is what the latin motto means, which is why I need to be aware of the “Daily Reminder; especially when experiencing “the storm” that is depression.
Thanks for the insightful commentary. Have a good week.
Paul, these three are all distinctively good poems. The triolet is a natural choice of form for the topic, but what impresses me most is the subtle meter. I’m fairly sure you didn’t think of writing paeonic verse (I had to look up the name myself); it just came to you as easily and naturally sincere. Trust your inclinations! The possibility of reading it with two accents in each line of eight syllables makes it rare and beautiful for me, although no one need read it that way.
The “Depression” quatrain makes the recurrent psychological and emotional state quite visible.
And the “Daily Reminder” really re-works the “seize the day” theme. It becomes a daily invitation to gently use what belongs to you while you can. There is no possibility of getting yesterday back, and you emphasize that by pointing to the impossibility of stealing even a few seconds. May your days be bright as you do your best to follow your own well-spoken advice.
Margaret, thanks for reading my poems. I certainly was not attempting to write paeonic verse—that is my first time hearing it, I think. I will need to study it and maybe I can actually go into writing a poem with that intent. Glad you liked the sound of the Triolet.
Thanks for your insight on the other 2 poems. Thanks for the well-wishes about using my time wisely. Hopefully they serve as a reminder to us who tend to forget these truisms due to being caught up within the whirlwind that life can be. I’ve noticed some of my poetry is a form of self-advice to myself, since I am most definitely not where I thought I would be at this stage of life. Hopefully, others gain something from these advice-like poems.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and taking the comment. It is greatly appreciated.
I’ll warn you, Paul, that it’s a rare versifying authority who will even mention the paeons. Too rare and too complex to be of interest to poets, but there is a self-described “nerdy guy” named Michael Gottlieb who once made a list of all metrical feet he could find. It’s a handy reference for anyone interested in rhythmic patterns, but practicing poets usually stick to ones he classifies as “common.” Since paeons are four-syllable feet, you’ll find them listed as Primus, Secundus, Tertius, Quartus (1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th paeon, named for the syllable where the accent is found).
https://mzrg.com/articles/mfeet.shtml
Margaret, thanks a lot for the reference material. I need to study prosody more and read on contentious issues. Since I’ve read that the Phyrrus or I’ve seen it called Phyrric foot is nonsense and one must do scansion differently, that it probably becomes an anapest or dactyl or promotion is used. I need to learn more about short syllables and long syllables since that seems a bit more complex at cursory glance. Again, thanks for the guide and information.
Paul,
Catalectic tertius paeonic tetrameter is one of my favorite meters to craft narrative poetry in. Narrative horror tales fit the meter especially well. As an example, here is the opening verse to my poem, ‘Hôtel Le Fontanelle’ – a gothic horror ballade:
—————————-
The old lawyer closed his case, and said “That’s all there is, I guess.”
“Did my uncle really die there?” He looked up and gave a sigh,
“In the lobby’s where they found him. It was probably the stress,
of the many renovations he was planning when he died.”
That was how it came to pass that it was now my turn to try
and fix up the old stone building, like it was when it was new.
So I moved to New Orleans. This city’s beautiful, that’s true,
but quite soon I learned more truth, about the evil that befell
many guests who chose to stay there, and the tales told by the crew
of the ghosts and apparitions at Hôtel Le Fontanelle.
—————————-
Dusty,
Thanks for sharing the opening of your narrative poem; I’ll try to apply scansion to it to understand Paeons more.Also to write it in ballade’s must of been difficult. I’ve still got loads to learn. I’ve stuck to iambic since I want to grasp it well. But I do need to improve in scansion, understanding others are comfortable writing in a myriad of meters. Thanks for reading my poems and commenting.
I’m doing a bit more prose writing than poetry at the moment. Your triolet is spot on. I’m tending to keep the ‘clever’ sounding sentences that I’ve excised for another time.
That image of depression is decidedly accurate – the sort of image you would get in a Graham Greene novel.
And being ill today, your daily reminder reminds me to be happy every day I’m not under the weather.
Thanks for the reads, Paul.
Paul, thanks for reading. Good luck with the prose and it’s good to have a repository of clever sentences; they are difficult to come by.
Glad you liked the image for the depression one; I’ve yet to read Graham Greene, maybe someday.
That’s unfortunate that you’re feeling ill, I hope that you get well soon to be able to enjoy your day to the fullest.
Again, thanks for reading. Get well soon and have a good weekend.