Prayer (5:00 a.m.)
Some stubborn pain (the world… the past…)
Is peeking through the cracks, and all
I want is somehow to at last
Come home to something steady, fast,
(I won’t say innocence, but still…)
To something pure and whole that will
In me a simpler soul recall.
Lonely and Crazy and Weird
Just lonely and crazy and weird, oh Lord,
I am, just lonely and crazy and weird
At times, too many times, too prepossessed
By this or that unruly or untoward
Design or dusty memory, some feared
Desire or some deeply treasured pain
That I am loath to loose myself from lest
What meager charm I have fall overboard.
Yet mind You, Lord, I’m actually quite cheered,
With normalcy these days so madly reassessed,
To be considered weird. And in the main
My loneliness bears lots of company.
Which just leaves crazy. So then, make me sane,
Oh Lord, but please, oh Lord, not overly.
Jeffrey Essmann is an essayist and poet living in New York. His poetry has appeared in numerous magazines and literary journals, among them Agape Review, America Magazine, Dappled Things, the St. Austin Review, U.S. Catholic, Grand Little Things, Heart of Flesh Literary Journal, and various venues of the Benedictine monastery with which he is an oblate. He is editor of the Catholic Poetry Room page on the Integrated Catholic Life website.
Jeffrey, fascinating rhyme schemes in each one. Two modest prayers that befit many of us at this age and in these times.
Modest, self-deprecating, and hopeful in their writing and likely intent. Of course, I love the concluding words. “Not overly,” indeed.
Jeffrey, I should have added: you are not alone. You are part of the SCP family, and we appreciate you and your work.
We’re all weird, Jeffrey, so I can certainly relate. Love both
your prayers. We never need be lonely if we just remember
Who loves us best. My favorite lines in your second poem are
“That I am loath to loose myself from lest
What meager charm I have fall overboard.”
They are so human.
Jeffrey, I read your poems a few times to get into the rhythm of the rhyme scheme and thoroughly enjoyed them and their message, which I get. My local bookstore gives out bookmarks when I buy a book and it reads at the bottom, “Read books, be kind, stay weird”, which indicates to me that we all feel a little weird at times. Thank you for sharing these poems/prayers.
I particularly enjoyed ‘Lonely, Crazy and Weird’, the frenetic enjambment exemplifying and conveying the craziness and weirdness you describe so perfectly.
Like Roy, I found those last two words elevated the poem even more.
Thanks for the read, Jeffrey.
I empathize, Jeffrey. Some of us treasure our weirdness because, as you point out so candidly, the alternative is a new and alien normalcy. And I love the conversational tone of both these prayers. Thank you.
Take “weird,” transpose a few letters, and you get “wired.” Sounds like Matins to me. So tell me, is the first poem a semi-demi-triolet
These look like personal prayers serving as prelude to the prescribed prayers of Benedictine routine. Thanks for showing, Jeffrey, that even the necessary morning preparation can shake out into rhyme and meter!
Thanks so much, everyone, for your very kind–and very accurate–responses to these. The initial idea for both of them came before or during morning prayer (a mash-up of Vigils and Lauds I do each morning at 5:00). The shorter one, in fact, was written at my monastery (I’m an oblate with St. Mary’s Abbey in Morristown, NJ). And, looking at them now–and hearing people’s responses to them–I see that they are indeed consonant with that expression of humility with which we’re supposed to initiate any encounter with God. Not groveling, by any means. Just admitting who we are and who we’re talking to. As Michael Casey, a wonderful Cistercian writer often hailed as the next Merton, puts it: God’s God and we’re not. At any rate, thanks again.
And C.B., I’m not sure about the semi-demi-triolet. I just know I ripped it off from Longfellow.
Jeffrey, did Augustine’s prayer provoke some of your poem? Which poem is now the highlight of my morning and has newly minted this day as a gladsome gift of Christ the Son of God. Thanks a billion spangled stars in God’s cobalt sky. Evan, the sun is gold, and God wants to grace the Michigan Wolverines.
Jeffrey, I’ve enjoyed both poems… but it’s the first one that has turned my head and captured my heart. I am a fan of brevity and ‘Prayer (5:00 a.m.)’ says all I need to hear at a time I need to hear it. Thank you very much indeed!