Shards
How unexpected did that moment come;
How swift and sudden did that moment pass.
A fleeting touch that left my spirit numb;
A shattered mirror, shards of broken glass.
A moment etched into my memory
As if engraved on cold, unbending stone.
A passing moment in eternity;
A dream, a nightmare known to me, alone.
And what of you, who think you know me well;
When, love aside, you know me not at all?
A tale I cannot bring myself to tell;
A time-looped play in which I’m doomed to fall.
So, if I weep in silence, understand
It isn’t you. It’s when I feel his hand.
The Featured Singer
An evening out with friends. While on the-way,
I joined them in a basement bistro bar.
How Brechtian, I thought. A cabaret
Where Lotta Lenya could have been the star.
I had a glass of wine, or maybe three,
But that, I swear was not the reason why
The featured singer’s voice affected me
In such a way that I began to cry.
Her song filled me with sadness. Full with tears,
I wept and hid my face behind my hands
As buried feelings fought with deep-set fears
To free me from my self-shamed shadowlands.
As when the dawn sets darkest night aside.
So did it seem when my last tear had dried.
Poet’s Note: While these two poems are “fictive,” they were inspired by the experiences of two women shared with me some years ago. These poems are my attempt to capture their experiences in words that, in poetic form, approximate their own.
James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and four collections of poetry including Sidekicks, Mostly Sonnets, and Laughing Matters, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in both print and online media. He was honored with being chosen as the winner of the 2021 SCP International Poetry Competition.
I just love these two poems — the stories, the rhyme and meter. Outstanding! “To free me from my self-shamed shadowlands” is an amazing line! Thanks for these two pleasures.
James
Thank you for these two well-crafted sonnets that capture so well repressed and unexpressed feelings about traumatic events. The speakers do not use “therapy speak” –rather, they allude to “the facts” only tangentially, and do not “label” the events, or find a “pattern.” They are not saying (glibly and with flat affect)–“Oh yeah, like many girls, I was raped, it’s so long ago, I’m over it, part of growing up I suppose. The guy was stoned on marijuana, came from a family of alcoholics–it was partially my fault because I was myself a little high, and I let him come inside the door to my apartment.” Rather, these poems mirror the way that people (including both sexes) think and talk to themselves about deep-seated grief and shame.
“Shards” especially is powerful: a rape victim who cannot share with anyone, even (and in probable fact, most especially) her beloved husband, her traumatic experience. This is the bind that survivors of trauma typically face. I think this is especially true of deep-seated sexual trauma.
“The Featured Singer” captures the phenomenon that music is one avenue that seems to “channel” the inarticulate emotions of survivors. Something in the music releases emotional tension and that person, seemingly “out of nowhere” begins to cry.
Sincerely
Mary Jane
Great sonnets, James. They both elicit deep, heartfelt emotions!
We have the poet’s assurance that both poems are based on real events in the lives of two women, but when details are this sketchy we as readers are compelled either to imagine what occurred, or be content with the knowledge that the experiences were painful.
Mary Jane guesses that the first poem refers to a rape. But the only details we get are that the event was momentary and fleeting, that a mirror was shattered, and that the speaker felt a man’s hand. There are other possibilities besides sexual violation. It might have been the breakup of an affair, or some culminating argument in a strained relationship.
The second poem is about an unhappy memory provoked by a song, and perhaps by some drinking. The only key to what has been recalled are the words “my self-shamed shadowlands,” which suggest that what’s troubling the speaker is shameful, and perhaps her own fault.
Don’t get me wrong. These are both excellent and well-crafted sonnets. The diction is top-notch, and the rhyme and the meter perfect to a T. But if all the reader gets is a telegraphing of emotional distress, without some explanation of their cause and source, he is left hanging and therefore not especially sympathetic. It’s as if these were written by a priest who is bound by the Confessional’s seal of silence.
Joe, I believe that you underestimate the effect that even a fleeting, random sexual touch can have on a person, and a woman in particular. In these poems I would argue that women do not need to have the details spelled out in order for them to connect the poem to their own experience. And what the hell does the confessional seal of silence have to do with it? Perhaps you are disappointed that I did not describe the incidents in more graphic detail? And that doing so would have somehow made the poems more successful? Sometimes, especially in these emotionally charged matters, less can be more. I assure you, the lack of detail had nothing to do with any discretion on my part. I also guarantee that women will “get” these poems even if you did not.
OK then — so the poems are written for an audience of women only.
Very fine miniatures of moments impossible to describe. When the speaker in “Shards” says, “Love aside, you know me not at all,” she indicates an entire hidden identity concealed beneath incapacity for words. This reader sympathizes deeply with anyone who has been so inhumanly silenced. I myself cannot easily imagine that state of the psyche, but I know it is real and may feel eternal even though the memory may not recur frequently. “Time-looped” seems a good word choice.
In “The Featured Singer,” music brings tears that achieve catharsis without words. The poems are well paired, James. Relief and freedom come with the occasion for expression in this equally human way, and not necessarily with speech. Still, I’m glad you listened so as to portray these experiences well.
“Shards” shares, with me, James, a deeply disturbing remembrance that so haunts its victim she is unable to share the ‘event’ even with someone she loves, worried her significant-other might misinterpret what brought it about.
“The Featured Singer” strikes me as one of those fairly common experiences where a ‘certain old song’ evokes a melancholy memory in the mind of slightly tipsy, ‘wonder-how-she’s-doin’-now’ fool that hasn’t yet managed to escape his ‘if-only-I-hadn’t-done-that’ break-up from years ago. I know the feeling!
Acutely evocative sonnets both –
What interesting sonnets, James, and what a great comments section. Without the notes, the first poem speaks to me of brokenness. The title points in that direction and so does the imagery… but for me, none of the brokenness is exclusive to ‘sexual abuse’ or ‘rape’. A grave sadness at the uncaring hand of a man and a distrust because of it comes across with room for the reader to decide what that might mean, and I like the room left for personal interpretation. The second poem also speaks of a brokenness, with bad and sad memories triggered by a song. There are subtle clues as to what may have caused the grief with a powerful third stanza and a closing couplet that stirs thoughts of several possibilities, but none clear, leaving room for the reader’s interpretation – which I like. And then I read the notes… the notes (together with your bio) bring an extra dimension to the read – a dimension which shifts my perspective. I must say, I prefer the poems without the notes. In my opinion, the beauty of these sonnets lies in their ambiguity.
James, you were wise as a retired pastor to share the feelings and not the details of both events. The imagery is striking and enhances our own visual thoughts of amenable possibilities which makes them both fascinating and wonderful as they stir our sentimentalities.
Shards is such an apt title for the first poem. It reminds us that how well we think we might know people, we mostly know the outside whilst the inside remains shrouded in mystery. In a sense we know shards of a persons psyche , the fragments they want to share with us. The mirror is broken reality that we see imperfectly perhaps.
Please forgive me if I am wrong but when I first read the poem I thought that , his hand , in the last line, might be His hand, that somehow the person was feeling God’s hand. But then of course I knew it wasn’t because if you intended it that way it would have been written so.
The Featured Singer is very subtle indeed. Grief can be carried by a person for many reasons, bereavement abandonment , separation , just to name a few examples. It is amazing how many times one comes across the notion that children who are abandoned for example blame themselves , or even blame themselves for their parents divorce. I know the speaker here is an adult but I wonder how much those shadowlands are clear even to her.
Thank you for these heartfelt poems that make perfect poetry look so easy. when of course it is nothing of the sort.
Thank you Jim for these deeply touching and unusual sonnets. I agree with Susan, I like the ambiguity, it creates an aura of mystery and wondering. True craftsmanship!
I commented yesterday, but the wifi was playing up here on the edge of the world.
It’s difficult, and affecting, to get into the heads of other people and write about experiences that happened to them at their most vulnerable. You’ve succeeded admirably, James.
Thanks to all for your comment. Each has been read, savored, and helpful in some special way.